baby shower

We had our baby shower yesterday! It was at my mom's house in Colorado Springs and we did a Dr. Seuss themed shower. Instead of doing a cake, I made cupcakes for it with a Dr. Seuss theme, I did "Horton Hears a Who", "Green Eggs and Ham" and the fish from "Cat in the Hat" Heres pictures of them I had a lot of fun doing them!

cupcakes

We got some wonderful gifts, lots of clothes, bibs, socks and things like that. We also go a great Pack N Play, and baby monitors and lots of blankets. I have all of his blankets and things in the wash now, I cant wait to get his stuff all put away and finish getting ready for our little guy. We finally settled on a name (for the most part, you never know) Elijah James Robinson. Or Eli for short. Geoff had a good point on that actually. We were trying to find the "perfect" name, and I dont think we ever will find a name that embodies every trait we want in our son. However, as we get to know this little Bean and the name becomes his it will start to be the perfect name for him. And Elijah definitely has that potential. 

I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed with all of the preparation for his birth and for taking care of a child. We still need a stroller, swing and a few other miscellaneous things for him. Its stressful with me not working and all of that. Oh well, we have everything we need for him to be take care of, we have diapers, clothes, a car seat and crib. I love this little man and want us to be good parents for him. We finished the baptism classes and are getting excited for that part of it too. 

Beyond baptism classes, we have been taking birth classes too. Its nice to get a more clear vision of what I want for labor and delivery. We are considering having a doula (and good friend) of ours attend the birth in addition to my mom and of course Geoff. I am not sure whether or not we need a doula, but it could be a great support for me and Geoff, and having her there could be a good advocate for me too. We are going to look into it a little more and see what we think. Well thats all for now.

finished room

We finished Bean's room! Heres some pics...

it took several days and lots of time, but I am really happy with it. We thought long and hard about whether or not to paint it green or blue....but decided blue is more soothing. I love how it turned out. The furniture was a gift from Bean's grandparents. My parents bought the crib and Geoff's dad bought the changing table. The rocking chair was my mom's when she was pregnant with me and now its mine for Bean. We obviously still do not have a name for the little guy. We're considering Miles, Luke, Levi and some others. Its so hard because we want his name to be strong, and meaningful. I have this image of a sort of kind hearted, gentle leader and Geoff has more of a powerful doctor/lawyer persona in mind. I dont really care what he grows up to be, as long as he is a good person full of compassion and strength. Its so hard to pick a name too, knowing its so permanent. He will be saddled with it for the rest of his life, and we want it to be meaningful. At the same time, a persons name doesnt make them, they make their name. I am sure we will come to a conclusion at some point soon. I like names like Jackson and Bentley, but they are pretty unusual, and Jackson Robinson is pretty awful. I like names like John and Mathew, but I dont want to use a name that is too common or popular, and I dont want to use a name of someone who I dated at some point either which rules out Mark and Thomas. (as far as biblical names) anyway, we will decide at some point in the next 9 weeks or so. I hope he pretty much on time, I dont want him to come to early, but I'd rather not go to 41 or 42 weeks and be staring down and induction either. So thats where we are for now. 31 weeks down, 9ish to go. We started birth classes last week and its been fun and interesting to start to prepare for his arrival. I am sure over the next few weeks we will learn more and I will start to get more anxious, but right now it doesnt feel so real. I mean, I know he's coming as evidenced by the nursery we've spent the last week setting up but the reality of having a child has not set in yet. Will we be good parents? How will we know what to do? What if we do something wrong? What if I lose my temper with him? So many questions! I guess thats why we take it one day at a time and go from there. :o)

Beans room

School is almost over! We have three days left, well two after this class. I am typing this from the computer lab at school waiting for our Prof. to finish doing whatever he's doing with Youtube. I have one psych test, one pysch paper and my math final to finish up and I'm done. I am going to try to get most of that done tonight. Geoff and I went to Home Depot on Sunday to pick up some paint samples. The pictures didnt turn out so great, but I'll post them below. Its hard to pick colors, we dont have a bedding set to co-ordinate with and we're not planning on buying one. A lot of people are annoyed or surprised when I tell them this, but my thoughts on it are this: 1) The complete set will be on his bed once. After that I am sure he'll spit up or have a diaper blow out or something like that which requires me to change the crib sheet or something like that. 2) I am not planning on using bumper pads because they are no longer recommended the APA or my doctor. Good enough for me. I understand he can get his little arm or leg between the bars, but I'd rather that than risk suffocation. That being said, the risk of suffocation is very low (I think it was 27 deaths over the past 5 years?) but why risk it? 3) I dont want to tied to one theme. I want to be free to use rocket ships or robots or trucks or whatever strikes me as fitting the little guy. Anyway, I digress. My mom made us some adorable recieving blankets that I will post after she gives them to me at my shower (I've already seen them, but that way everyone can see them!) And they are mostly earthtones, lots of green, taupe, brown, blues and surprisingly-orange. I dont want to clash with that which is why we are leaning towards blue not green. And his crib is cherry and I like the brown and blue thing alot, although green and blue is pretty handsome too. I dont know-its a hard choice and I want the best for my son. I am having a lot more anxiety over this than I feel like I should-I mean its just paint right? That being said, I want it to look great and for us to be able to be proud of it. I can't wait to be done with school so I can focus on getting ready for Bean! We have our first birthing class tomorrow and I am excited about it, I think it'll make it seem more real. I am getting nervous/anxious about the whole thing which is weird for me. It doesnt seem real that in less than 3 months I'll have a little baby who depends on me for everything. What if I screw up? What if I'm a bad mom? What if I lose my temper? Oh man. I dont know if the break from school is gonna be beneficial or detremental to my mental health.... Anyway, enough rambling. Baby shower is next saturday (the 14th) and we should have his room done by then! I'll post pictures of it on facebook as we get stuff done.

http://www.behr.com/dsm-ext/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2e39ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD&vgnextfmt=default#vgnextoid=6bd8ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD;view=14;channel=EXPLORE

the green color...it looks better in person. "cornhusk"by Behr

the blue color called "serene sky by behr" http://www.behr.com/dsm-ext/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2e39ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD&vgnextfmt=default#vgnextoid=6bd8ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD;view=14;channel=EXPLORE

third trimester blahs

Hello all!
We are firmly in the third trimester, with only 80 days to go! I can't believe time is going so fast. My baby shower is scheduled for August 14 at my moms house, in Colorado Springs, which should be a blast. Beyond that, Bean and I are still trudging through school. I dont say "trudging" lightly, because that really is what it feels like. As much as I enjoy school and WANT to finish this program, he's just taking it out of me right now! I can barely function by the time class is over and spend the weekends lamenting how far behind I am in everything. Geoff keeps messing with me saying "well, its good the house is messy now, it'll give you something to do once I go back to school!" I am actually worried about what I am going to do with myself once he goes back to school and I am alone, at home, everyday. I'm gonna go insane. I need a hobby and fast. Maybe I'll go buy a scrapbook and actually make my wedding album I promised myself two years ago. Or maybe I'll start on Bean's baby book. Who knows? Maybe I'll get a library card and go the library every day and read a ton of books. I have to admit, I am a little afraid of having that kind of free time. Its been years since I've had time off like that, with no work or school to occupy myself with. I guess there is a difference in being alone and being lonely. As far as the star of this show goes, Bean is doing great. My gallbladder is still acting up and probably will continue to. If I stick to a very lowfat diet however, it seems to be more bearable. Bean is getting so big, I can actually see my stomach move on the outside now when he kicks. Geoff has been more to feel the little guy too. We do not have a name picked out for our little man yet, but have it narrowed down to either Eli(jah) James or Miles James. I dont know if it would be just "Eli" or "Elijah" but we'll see. I was really pulling for Elijah at first, but I have to admit, Miles is really growing on me. Surprisingly enough, my dad really likes it too. Not that its his choice, or that his opinion matters all that much, but its nice to know. The rest of the parents seem to be able to go either way on it. hmm Miles James Robinson. Say it aloud, it has a nice ring to it. Then again, so does Eli James Robinson.... haha.
On a school front, I have 2 weeks left, then Geoff and I have a week of vacation, then he has a week back at work before school starts August 23. Our week of vacation time is also going to be spent doing childbirth classes in the evening and baptism classes. We also will have time to get his room cleaned out, painted and crib set up. Anything beyond that might wait til he goes back to school so I have something to do with myself :o) Well thats all folks.

taking a leap of faith

I quit my job. Its been a long time coming and without getting into the gory details, I feel like it was the best thing for me and Bean. Its a scary position to be in, Bean is due in 13 weeks and I am now unemployed. On top of that, I am still in school right now and spent the weekend in the hospital because my gallbladder needs to come out. Its full of stones and sludge which sort of grosses me out. I have to follow a low fat diet in order to control the flare ups and hopefully that will buy us enough time to finish the pregnancy. My doctor is concerned about operating now because Bean is big enough to possibly be in the way, and if they accidentally ruptured the placenta or something like that, we would have to deliver him now. His chances of survival at this point are about 90% but he's very premature. I am not willing to do anything at this point to risk this pregnancy or my babies health. So a low fat diet it is. If it flares up badly again, we may still have to operate now, but we are gonna try and control it with diet and pain meds if necessary. I am worried about him though, I love this bean and want whats best for him. I want to go to at LEAST 38 weeks if possible, and would prefer to give him all the time he needs and let him decide when he's ready. Back to the job thing though, I have hated my boss for pretty much forever, and she has been less than helpful throughout this pregnancy. My back and hips have started having a lot of issues with the standing and lifting involved in the job, and I am exhausted all the time now. I am looking forward to more time with my hubby and time to get Bean's room ready before he gets here. However, I am extremely concerned about money. My parents have decided to bless us with financial help until January to keep us on our feet. I am struggling with feeling worthless and lazy because I dont have a job, and I feel like I should be able to do it all. I also feel like a problem because I have had more than my share of medical issues this year, with my back going out in February and now this. Geoff is never sick or injured. Not that I want him to be, its just frustrating that I am such a loser. On that note, he has been beyond amazing. He's been supportive, kind and patient with me and all that we've been going through. I  know how much I loved him when we got married, but it pales in comparison to how deeply I love him now. I cant wait to be the mother of his child and give him the gift of a healthy son. He's gonna be an amazing father and is already an amazing husband. We bought Beans carseat this weekend too and got a great deal on it! It was on sale, and Geoff's dad had given us a $50 gift card to Babies R Us so we ended up paying only $60 for a $150 carseat. Now I am praying for peace and trust to be comfortable with my decision and hoping I am not a fool for walking away from my job. I was so excited when I started there, and I am equally relieved to have the opportunity to walk away now. Sigh. Bed time I guess.

23 weeks

Bean and I are 23w1d today and have a 118 days to go! I am feeling a TON of movement now, which I seriously love. I am having to relearn how to sleep now because I am so used to sleeping on my stomach, which is not an option anymore, it hurts waaaay to much. I need to call and schedule our next check-up and follow up ultrasound! I can't wait to see his little face this time, he is already so big. His daddy and I were talking last night and its hard to think about how different our lives are now. I told him I felt sort of guilty when I got pregnant because it changes a lot of things, more so for him than for me. For me, the only change is now I have to take a year off school and work part time and take care of Bean. For him, it means keeping his job at Wal-Mart another two years or so and finishing school over the next 2-3 years. He's already been in school for 5 years. In all fairness, if he had committed to school more over the past 5 years he would be done now, but then he wouldn't have the job he has and we wouldn't be in the house we're in. On the other hand, he could be in an engineering job at the moment too. Or unemployed. Who knows? He keeps quoting this line from Kung Fu Panda to me "The past is history. The future a mystery. But today is a gift, that's why its called the present." Haha. Sorta cheesy  but true. I need to learn to relax more and focus on living our life to the best of our ability. I love my husband and unborn Bean, and when its all said and done it doesnt matter if every night I cook the healthiest dinner or have the cleanest house. What matters is if we take time for each other everyday and enjoy each other's company and if our son sees parents who love each other and love him. I dont want to raise him in a household with power parents who make 6 figures a year and never see him or spend time with him. On the other hand, I dont want to put us in a situation where we can't afford to buy him shoes for school or sign him up for football because we are broke. Its a fine balance. I have a unusual drive to be successful, and to work all the time and constantly improve our life. Its time to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. Its time to enjoy this pregnancy and spend time reflecting on the kind of parents we want to be. Its time to be excited and anticipate this little life we've created. Its NOT time to pack every moment of everyday with stuff to do and goals that must be achieved. Sigh. Ok, enough ranting and raving. I will keep this updated after our apt. next week.

almost 22 weeks...and its a...

I have been feeling Bean move more and more. I love it! School has been going well, just really busy. Its not hard, just really time consuming. I enjoy learning about all the ways to reach little minds. We had our 20 week ultra sound this last week, and for those who don't know (which is pretty much everyone at this point) its a BOY! We're having a son, a boy bean! I have to admit, I was sorta shocked and slightly upset at first. That lasted an hour or so, and now I can't imagine having anything else. Geoff had a good point, we need more boys. Theres him, and my brother on either side of the family and thats it! I think it would be sorta sweet to have the first grandson, but we'll see. It'd be fun for Bean if Chels is having a boy too, then he'd have a buddy his age. I spent a lot of this past weekend checking out nursery decor. We considered a lot of options, including frogs, rockets, yellow and blue, chocolate and blue, etc. We decided on an adorable plaid quilt in primary colors and primary colored boy themed crib sheets and decor. We're thinking trucks, rockets, animals, Dr. Seuss, etc. I think it'll be great. I think we're gonna paint his room a soft, warmish blue with a light cloud pattern to it, and do airplanes and rockets and trucks etc on the walls in the form of wall hangings. My mom is gonna make the quilt, and some receiving blankets. I can't wait to see how it all goes down. We need to get the room set up and cleaned up soon so we can get started on the nursery part! I can't wait. Everyone seems really excited to be having a boy, and I can't wait to meet this amazing little person in my belly :o) We have to go back for another ultrasound because Bean wouldn't co-operate and they need to see his face. I dont mind, more pictures for me!