35 weeks down...33 DAYS to go!

I realized I havent posted in about a month, so I thought I should update. We have pretty much everything done for the baby's arrival. My parents made sure of that! They took me out a weekend or so ago, and bought lots of baby goodies...the bathtub, diaper bag, changing pad, a few heavy blankets, and so on. Nothing insanely major, but all things that will be really, really nice to have. I got his swing in today (we had ordered it online) and got it put together. Annie thinks all the fuzzy, cute things that hang down from the top of it are for her :o) We've been letting the cats in his room during the day in order for them to get used to it, with the caveat that if they go near his crib they get squirted. We won't let them in there while he's asleep, its too risky but we want them to be used to his stuff. We still dont have a name for the little guy. I think I said a few weeks or so ago that we were considering Elijah, which we still are, but I am not sure I LOVE it. It sounds a little preppy to me...or pretentious. I dont know. I just want to LOVE his name and for it be perfect. I am getting a little nervous about his birth and the cost it is going to entail. We just got the bill from the hospital for my ER visit back in July, and I can just imagine the bill after his birth. I am trying to trust God that everything will be ok, and remind myself that its ok to have temporary debt. Its not that we rack up credit card debt like crazy or anything, we are fiscally responsible. And I have to keep reminding myself to enjoy the time off. Its a rare gift for me to have time at home, without the responsibility of a job, baby or school. The baby will be here soon, by even my time home with him will be short and precious and should be savored. I cant wait to hold the little guy in my arms and marvel at the life we've created.
I think that is my problem with his name, I havent come up with a name that I feel is good enough for him. That and I want to wait to see him and hold him to see what suits him. In the next few weeks we need to get his car seat installed and pack the hospital bag. I am putting it off because it seems like there is such a long time til he's coming. I dont want to sit around with my bags packed for weeks on end. Just my luck, he'll come early and I wont be packed.
On that note, I am feeling pretty good these days. I spend a lot of time tired of course, but overall I feel good. The iron supplements seem to be helping with the dizziness. My hips are hurting a lot more now, its difficult to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time or to sleep for more than 6-7 hours at a time. As a result, I take more naps now than I ever have. I should get used to it, because thats the one piece of advice I've heard over and over, "sleep when he sleeps" and babies only sleep a few hours at a time... so I am adjusting quite nicely!

54 days to go! Not that I am counting....

I have less than two months left until Bean's EDD. In some ways, two months seems like a really long time, but when I think back to the end of January, when I first found out I was expecting, it seems like time is flying. I cant believe we will have him in our arms in approximately two months. Its a little surreal that we are going to be parents, permanently, forever, we will have this little man who needs our love and support. I can't wait. That being said, I am so over the third trimester. I dont feel like a lot of women do, at least not yet. I am not at that "get-this-thing-outta-me!" part, I dont feel that big even. I am just tired of being tired! I am continually light headed, dizzy and exhausted. Its hard to sleep because I have to sleep on my side and after 2-3 hours on each side I have to wake up to roll over. That part isnt so bad, I dont mind the waking up. Its the light headedness I can't handle. I hate it! When I wake up in the morning I want to hop out of bed and hit the ground running. I dont want to have to lay on the couch for an hour or more until it goes away. I recently started taking iron supplements due to low iron blood levels, and hopefully that will help. I know iron takes a while to build up in the system so it could be a while until I feel the effects of it. The other symptom I am sort of over is the back pain. I had back pain before the pregnancy, and its progressively gotten worse as the baby gets bigger. It eventually got to the point that it was a contributing factor to me quitting my job. Since I've quit though, I thought it was under control. That is, until yesterday when I went to the Denver Mint with a friend. We walked around for a couple of hours and I was hurting! Even just standing there for a bit while waiting to get in and while looking at the exhibits was bad. Its like a searing pain through my hips and low back. I dont know how to describe it. It makes me feel like a failure though. I feel like the fat kid in gym class, that everyone feels sorry for but is glad its not them. I dont know what to do about it. I guess I need to exercise more and lay around less. I am starting to worry about my ability to go through labor the way I want to. I would like this to be a natural, drug free experience and I've always thought I had a pretty high pain tolerance. Maybe I dont, maybe I've been deluding myself and I am a big weenie! Who knows? I guess we will see how it goes when I get there. Heres the latest belly pic (because everyone loves a mama belly)

Yeah, I took it myself so I look weird in it, but whatev. On a seperate note-did I mention I have the best hubby EVER? yep. I do. He's pretty awesome. This morning before work he emptied the litter box (seriously GROSS!), vacuumed, and got the trash out. He's awesome. He told me to take it easy today and he'd help with any other cleaning that needed to be done tonight when he gets off. Yes, thats right, he offered to come home and clean after working 10 hours. Like I said, he's pretty much awesome.

baby shower

We had our baby shower yesterday! It was at my mom's house in Colorado Springs and we did a Dr. Seuss themed shower. Instead of doing a cake, I made cupcakes for it with a Dr. Seuss theme, I did "Horton Hears a Who", "Green Eggs and Ham" and the fish from "Cat in the Hat" Heres pictures of them I had a lot of fun doing them!

cupcakes

We got some wonderful gifts, lots of clothes, bibs, socks and things like that. We also go a great Pack N Play, and baby monitors and lots of blankets. I have all of his blankets and things in the wash now, I cant wait to get his stuff all put away and finish getting ready for our little guy. We finally settled on a name (for the most part, you never know) Elijah James Robinson. Or Eli for short. Geoff had a good point on that actually. We were trying to find the "perfect" name, and I dont think we ever will find a name that embodies every trait we want in our son. However, as we get to know this little Bean and the name becomes his it will start to be the perfect name for him. And Elijah definitely has that potential. 

I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed with all of the preparation for his birth and for taking care of a child. We still need a stroller, swing and a few other miscellaneous things for him. Its stressful with me not working and all of that. Oh well, we have everything we need for him to be take care of, we have diapers, clothes, a car seat and crib. I love this little man and want us to be good parents for him. We finished the baptism classes and are getting excited for that part of it too. 

Beyond baptism classes, we have been taking birth classes too. Its nice to get a more clear vision of what I want for labor and delivery. We are considering having a doula (and good friend) of ours attend the birth in addition to my mom and of course Geoff. I am not sure whether or not we need a doula, but it could be a great support for me and Geoff, and having her there could be a good advocate for me too. We are going to look into it a little more and see what we think. Well thats all for now.

finished room

We finished Bean's room! Heres some pics...

it took several days and lots of time, but I am really happy with it. We thought long and hard about whether or not to paint it green or blue....but decided blue is more soothing. I love how it turned out. The furniture was a gift from Bean's grandparents. My parents bought the crib and Geoff's dad bought the changing table. The rocking chair was my mom's when she was pregnant with me and now its mine for Bean. We obviously still do not have a name for the little guy. We're considering Miles, Luke, Levi and some others. Its so hard because we want his name to be strong, and meaningful. I have this image of a sort of kind hearted, gentle leader and Geoff has more of a powerful doctor/lawyer persona in mind. I dont really care what he grows up to be, as long as he is a good person full of compassion and strength. Its so hard to pick a name too, knowing its so permanent. He will be saddled with it for the rest of his life, and we want it to be meaningful. At the same time, a persons name doesnt make them, they make their name. I am sure we will come to a conclusion at some point soon. I like names like Jackson and Bentley, but they are pretty unusual, and Jackson Robinson is pretty awful. I like names like John and Mathew, but I dont want to use a name that is too common or popular, and I dont want to use a name of someone who I dated at some point either which rules out Mark and Thomas. (as far as biblical names) anyway, we will decide at some point in the next 9 weeks or so. I hope he pretty much on time, I dont want him to come to early, but I'd rather not go to 41 or 42 weeks and be staring down and induction either. So thats where we are for now. 31 weeks down, 9ish to go. We started birth classes last week and its been fun and interesting to start to prepare for his arrival. I am sure over the next few weeks we will learn more and I will start to get more anxious, but right now it doesnt feel so real. I mean, I know he's coming as evidenced by the nursery we've spent the last week setting up but the reality of having a child has not set in yet. Will we be good parents? How will we know what to do? What if we do something wrong? What if I lose my temper with him? So many questions! I guess thats why we take it one day at a time and go from there. :o)

Beans room

School is almost over! We have three days left, well two after this class. I am typing this from the computer lab at school waiting for our Prof. to finish doing whatever he's doing with Youtube. I have one psych test, one pysch paper and my math final to finish up and I'm done. I am going to try to get most of that done tonight. Geoff and I went to Home Depot on Sunday to pick up some paint samples. The pictures didnt turn out so great, but I'll post them below. Its hard to pick colors, we dont have a bedding set to co-ordinate with and we're not planning on buying one. A lot of people are annoyed or surprised when I tell them this, but my thoughts on it are this: 1) The complete set will be on his bed once. After that I am sure he'll spit up or have a diaper blow out or something like that which requires me to change the crib sheet or something like that. 2) I am not planning on using bumper pads because they are no longer recommended the APA or my doctor. Good enough for me. I understand he can get his little arm or leg between the bars, but I'd rather that than risk suffocation. That being said, the risk of suffocation is very low (I think it was 27 deaths over the past 5 years?) but why risk it? 3) I dont want to tied to one theme. I want to be free to use rocket ships or robots or trucks or whatever strikes me as fitting the little guy. Anyway, I digress. My mom made us some adorable recieving blankets that I will post after she gives them to me at my shower (I've already seen them, but that way everyone can see them!) And they are mostly earthtones, lots of green, taupe, brown, blues and surprisingly-orange. I dont want to clash with that which is why we are leaning towards blue not green. And his crib is cherry and I like the brown and blue thing alot, although green and blue is pretty handsome too. I dont know-its a hard choice and I want the best for my son. I am having a lot more anxiety over this than I feel like I should-I mean its just paint right? That being said, I want it to look great and for us to be able to be proud of it. I can't wait to be done with school so I can focus on getting ready for Bean! We have our first birthing class tomorrow and I am excited about it, I think it'll make it seem more real. I am getting nervous/anxious about the whole thing which is weird for me. It doesnt seem real that in less than 3 months I'll have a little baby who depends on me for everything. What if I screw up? What if I'm a bad mom? What if I lose my temper? Oh man. I dont know if the break from school is gonna be beneficial or detremental to my mental health.... Anyway, enough rambling. Baby shower is next saturday (the 14th) and we should have his room done by then! I'll post pictures of it on facebook as we get stuff done.

http://www.behr.com/dsm-ext/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2e39ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD&vgnextfmt=default#vgnextoid=6bd8ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD;view=14;channel=EXPLORE

the green color...it looks better in person. "cornhusk"by Behr

the blue color called "serene sky by behr" http://www.behr.com/dsm-ext/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2e39ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD&vgnextfmt=default#vgnextoid=6bd8ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD;view=14;channel=EXPLORE

third trimester blahs

Hello all!
We are firmly in the third trimester, with only 80 days to go! I can't believe time is going so fast. My baby shower is scheduled for August 14 at my moms house, in Colorado Springs, which should be a blast. Beyond that, Bean and I are still trudging through school. I dont say "trudging" lightly, because that really is what it feels like. As much as I enjoy school and WANT to finish this program, he's just taking it out of me right now! I can barely function by the time class is over and spend the weekends lamenting how far behind I am in everything. Geoff keeps messing with me saying "well, its good the house is messy now, it'll give you something to do once I go back to school!" I am actually worried about what I am going to do with myself once he goes back to school and I am alone, at home, everyday. I'm gonna go insane. I need a hobby and fast. Maybe I'll go buy a scrapbook and actually make my wedding album I promised myself two years ago. Or maybe I'll start on Bean's baby book. Who knows? Maybe I'll get a library card and go the library every day and read a ton of books. I have to admit, I am a little afraid of having that kind of free time. Its been years since I've had time off like that, with no work or school to occupy myself with. I guess there is a difference in being alone and being lonely. As far as the star of this show goes, Bean is doing great. My gallbladder is still acting up and probably will continue to. If I stick to a very lowfat diet however, it seems to be more bearable. Bean is getting so big, I can actually see my stomach move on the outside now when he kicks. Geoff has been more to feel the little guy too. We do not have a name picked out for our little man yet, but have it narrowed down to either Eli(jah) James or Miles James. I dont know if it would be just "Eli" or "Elijah" but we'll see. I was really pulling for Elijah at first, but I have to admit, Miles is really growing on me. Surprisingly enough, my dad really likes it too. Not that its his choice, or that his opinion matters all that much, but its nice to know. The rest of the parents seem to be able to go either way on it. hmm Miles James Robinson. Say it aloud, it has a nice ring to it. Then again, so does Eli James Robinson.... haha.
On a school front, I have 2 weeks left, then Geoff and I have a week of vacation, then he has a week back at work before school starts August 23. Our week of vacation time is also going to be spent doing childbirth classes in the evening and baptism classes. We also will have time to get his room cleaned out, painted and crib set up. Anything beyond that might wait til he goes back to school so I have something to do with myself :o) Well thats all folks.

taking a leap of faith

I quit my job. Its been a long time coming and without getting into the gory details, I feel like it was the best thing for me and Bean. Its a scary position to be in, Bean is due in 13 weeks and I am now unemployed. On top of that, I am still in school right now and spent the weekend in the hospital because my gallbladder needs to come out. Its full of stones and sludge which sort of grosses me out. I have to follow a low fat diet in order to control the flare ups and hopefully that will buy us enough time to finish the pregnancy. My doctor is concerned about operating now because Bean is big enough to possibly be in the way, and if they accidentally ruptured the placenta or something like that, we would have to deliver him now. His chances of survival at this point are about 90% but he's very premature. I am not willing to do anything at this point to risk this pregnancy or my babies health. So a low fat diet it is. If it flares up badly again, we may still have to operate now, but we are gonna try and control it with diet and pain meds if necessary. I am worried about him though, I love this bean and want whats best for him. I want to go to at LEAST 38 weeks if possible, and would prefer to give him all the time he needs and let him decide when he's ready. Back to the job thing though, I have hated my boss for pretty much forever, and she has been less than helpful throughout this pregnancy. My back and hips have started having a lot of issues with the standing and lifting involved in the job, and I am exhausted all the time now. I am looking forward to more time with my hubby and time to get Bean's room ready before he gets here. However, I am extremely concerned about money. My parents have decided to bless us with financial help until January to keep us on our feet. I am struggling with feeling worthless and lazy because I dont have a job, and I feel like I should be able to do it all. I also feel like a problem because I have had more than my share of medical issues this year, with my back going out in February and now this. Geoff is never sick or injured. Not that I want him to be, its just frustrating that I am such a loser. On that note, he has been beyond amazing. He's been supportive, kind and patient with me and all that we've been going through. I  know how much I loved him when we got married, but it pales in comparison to how deeply I love him now. I cant wait to be the mother of his child and give him the gift of a healthy son. He's gonna be an amazing father and is already an amazing husband. We bought Beans carseat this weekend too and got a great deal on it! It was on sale, and Geoff's dad had given us a $50 gift card to Babies R Us so we ended up paying only $60 for a $150 carseat. Now I am praying for peace and trust to be comfortable with my decision and hoping I am not a fool for walking away from my job. I was so excited when I started there, and I am equally relieved to have the opportunity to walk away now. Sigh. Bed time I guess.