back to the springs

I can't believe I am saying this, but I have officially moved back into my parents house. Eli and I moved back in this past weekend so I can finish school. Just to throw it out there, Geoff and I are not splitting up. Everyone seems to think we are, because Eli and I moved out but its temporary. We spent many hours discussing our options and decided its whats best for Eli and right now thats what matters most. Eli has greatly enjoyed spending the extra time with my parents and with his Aunt Chelsea. He loooves Aunt Chelsea and the girls. I hate being away from my husband, but its what is best for our family because there is no way I could leave Eli in daycare, it works for some, but Eli is a needy baby. He doesnt have the right temperament for daycare and I truly believe he'd be miserable, not to mention how costly it is! One daycare I interviewed quoted me $1100/month. Yikes. So Geoff and I are making due by talking on the phone as much as possible and trying to work out weekend visits. Cole has settled into Eli's room, which helps us out financially and gives Cole a place to live. I am sure Eli misses his daddy, because he goes around asking for him during the day, but its what it is. I started back to school this week and its so hard to balance Eli and school work. When I am home, I want to spend every moment with my baby boy and cuddle him and play and watch all the funny things he's started to do. However, I often need to split my attention between him and school works and it sucks. I have a new appreciation and respect for single mothers, its insanely difficult to be a good mother and work/go to school/ take care of the house etc. I am very lucky to have the support and help from my family with Eli. Even when I can't be there with him, I know he's being loved on and cared for by the people who love him most.
On a separate note, Geoff and I have now have Eli's first birthday planned (!!!!!) if you can believe he's going to be 1 in a little more than a month! Monica will be 1 in less than a month. I can't believe how big these babies have gotten and how fast they've grown. We bought some super cute monster themed supplies from good ol' wal-mart and am going to do sandwiches, chips, drinks and cupcakes for his special day. I am so excited for our baby boy. I have been asked a couple of times when I am going to wean him, and to me his is still so little. He counts on nursing still 4-8 times a day, depending on how much I am gone etc. He still needs mama milk and for now I am content to continue giving it to him. I can't imagine nursing much past the age of 2, but we will take it day by day and see how things are going for us both. As long as we are both enjoying it and there is milk to be had, I'll nurse him. Anyway, its getting late and I have class tomorrow so here is a pic for you to enjoy.

Eli, 10 months 08-05-2011

second half of the summer

I read somewhere that the half of the summer following the 4th of July is shorter than the part of the summer that preceeds the 4th of July. So far that has been true :) I am getting ready to take my Praxis exam, which basically just ensures I have the basic knowledge for becoming an elementary teacher (language arts, science, math, social studies) I have been studying as much as possible but sheesh! Its hard to study with Eli getting into everything! Eli has started cruising on the furniture and crawling like a mad man to get where he wants to be. He is extremely determined and not easily deterred either. If he wants something, he goes for it, and if you remove him from the object of his desire he arches his back and stomps his foot and yells at you. Its kind of funny, but probably wont be for long :o)
Eli and I are moving in with my parents in less than a month. This is going to be a huge change for us, as I have lived on my own since summer of 2005. It will be hard to be away from Geoff, and it will be hard on Geoff to be away from Eli. I know we can do it, military families have to endure a lot longer separations, but its not going to be easy. I am anxious and excited to be going back to school in the fall as well. Its going to be very hard to be away from Eli. He is very much attached to his mama and vise versa. Especially recently, the little guy has been going through some separation anxiety which has made it hard for him for me to even leave the room. He is comfortable with my sister and my parents, so hopefully the time away from me will be stress free for him. My other concern is that he is still nursing quite frequently during the day, despite eating three solid meals a day. We have moved to mostly baby fed meals, and the only things I spoon feed him are things like yogurt, otherwise he feeds himself. I am concerned though that he is going to reverse cycle and nurse more at night than he is now. As it stands now, he is regularly getting up 2-3 times a night to nurse. He nurses well and goes right back to sleep, which is good, but its still a lot of waking for me. I am hoping he'll outgrow the need to eat in the middle of the night sometime in the next 2-3 months, but I am not holding my breath on that one. I am also not comfortable with holding those feedings from him, because I truly believe he is hungry and needs the calories. He is still measuring in the >5th% for weight, so the more calories he eats, even at night, the better.
On an unrelated note, Geoff and I have been talking about having another baby sometime soonish. I would like one sooner than later, but we both agree that we BOTH need to be finished with school. Geoff has 6 credits lined up for this semester and 9 for the spring, and then (if all goes well and i get a teaching job!) he can quit Wal-mart and finish his last year full time. So we are at least 2 years out. Not my ideal spacing, but we'll do what we have to do. As always, here is the most recent Eli pic.

baptism photos and updates

Eli's baptism was a beautiful ceremony, and I am really glad we had it done. 

Anyway, I got these photos from my mom and sister while we were in the Springs and am glad to have them. However, I dont like how I look in them. at. all. I hate it in fact. I hadn't realized how much weight I had gained in the last few years. I luckily didnt gain much during my pregnancy, but I was fat before hand. lol.

Its been hard to eat right, because for some reason breastfeeding makes me super hungry sometimes. Starting tomorrow, I am going to start trying to eat right and walk with Eli everyday. I know its going to take quite a while to lose all of this weight, however I am confident it can happen! 

The fourth of July is coming up and Geoff has some vacation time, I cant wait to spend some time with him before summer is over. I am looking forward to this time, because once its over we have to face the school issue and things just seem more urgent after the 4th of July-like summer is almost over :o)

I am working on getting stuff worked out for school, I still need to take the PLACE test and register for classes. That's what is new for us for now.

8 months old

Eli is going to be 8 months old on June 5, which is also Geoff and I's 3rd anniversary. Its been a crazy, fun, amazing 3 years. We've been together since 2004, and married in 2008, so we've been together a long time and thankfully grown up a lot and more importantly, grown together. Our life is even better now with Eli in it, and its neat to see how much he has grown and changed in the past 8 months. He is crawling now, which is hilarious to watch because he has to stop and think about it then suddenly zooms across the floor. He is starting to pull himself up on furniture, which is an endless source of amusement for him. He is also really into shoes? Which is weird... haha he likes to crawl across the floor to our shoes and try and chew on them. Gross.
We had him baptized last Sunday and it was a wonderful ceremony. Most of our family came up to see it, Geoff's dad and his girlfriend, Dawn, Geoff's mom and stepdad and younger sisters, Emily and Sarah, Geoff's grandparents drove out from Missouri to be here even! On my side, my mom, dad, and brother were there. It was great to have everyone here and to have so much family support. Eli is doing really well now, he is getting very good at finger foods, which makes meal time more and less challenging. More challenging because he makes a waay bigger mess, but less challenging because i dont have to sit and spoon feed him. This falls in line with the aspects of baby-led weaning I have read about and that is a theory I'd like to explore further. He is also still breastfeeding multiple times a day. I am not sure when that will slow down for him, but am trying to be patient and sensitive to his needs.

On the subject of breastfeeding, I was prepared for it to be hard at first, but then to get much easier and more enjoyable, and it did. However, I was NOT prepared to go through HATING it at times. Seriously, I get to the point where he is tired and grumpy and doing the alligator death roll in my arms while trying to nurse and I literally cant stand it. At first I felt extreme guilt and anger at myself for not wanting to nurse anymore. But I got a link from a friend and realized these feelings are normal at times for some women and it made me feel much better. Sometimes I have to end a nursing session because Eli is being too difficult, but thats OK. I dont want to wean him until he is ready, so right now we are doing whats working. I guess I wanted to share that because I was not prepared for it at all. I was not prepared to get "touched out" at times, but now I know its normal and OK and 99% of the time I still LOVE nursing him. Its the best thing ever when he is all sleepy and wrapped up in his blankey to have him open his eyes and gaze up at me, or crack a milky grin because he looked up and saw me looking at him. I love being a mama :o)

back to school

First, a few quick updates on the little guy. Eli is now 7 months old! He is starting to finally mellow out more and I can actually set him down and leave the room for a few moments without him freaking out. He has also started sleeping in his crib all night, which was a huge struggle for all of us. I am anti cry-it-out and pro baby cuddles, but in the end it worked itself out. One day I just thought he was ready and that night we laid him in his crib. There were tears, but we got through it and he's doing much better now. He is also napping in there, which is a fairly recent development but a good one because I dont have a swing for him at my parents house, so when we're there he has to sleep in his pack n play. He has also started crawling, or shuffling with his belly on the ground, I dont know that I'd call it crawling proper but close enough. see him crawl! I need to bring him back in for a weight check in two weeks or so because at his 6 month check up he was only 13lb11oz. Meh I think he's fine. The past week or so he's had a little cold or allergies or something. He is over it now but it was rough for him. We're getting him baptized May 29 at our church in Fort Collins, and we're very excited about it. All of our family is coming up for it so there will be about 25 people there!

Ok, now that I've covered Eli, heres whats going on for our family as a whole. Eli and I are moving in with my parents in August. No, Geoff and I are NOT getting a divorce or separating or anything like that. We just can not afford daycare up in Fort Collins! I interviewed some, and it would cost us aprx. $1100/month to put him in daycare. Thats more than our mortgage. Not to mention I am kinda wary of daycare to begin with. So we talked to friends and whatnot and I am hesitant to leave him with people I dont know well, and we still cant afford to pay anyone what they would want to be paid for watching my little man. So we spoke to my parents and they agreed to let Eli and I move in. My class schedule is actually pretty unique and lends itself well to my mom and Chelsea watching him for me. I will have class on Tuesday from 2-6 and Thursday from 5-9 and Saturday from 8-5. So my mom can watch him on Thursday and Saturday and Chels can watch him on Tuesday. I will also have to fit 150 hours of practicum in somehow, but that comes out to be 150hrs/15wks=10hrs/week so I will probably put in a few hours Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday morning in order to be done with practicum by Nov 30. My classes end Nov 29 so I will likely move back to FoCo for the month of December. It'll be super hard to be away from Geoff but it makes a lot of sense in a lot of other ways. If we do this, Eli will be well taken care of, childcare will be free, he'll be with people whom he loves and who love him, it'll save us a lot of money, and it will allow Cole (Geoff's BFF) to move into Eli's room and pay us rent. We're not charging him a ton because E and I will be in and out but it helps him out too and we could use the money! I am not looking forward to being away from my awesome husband but I am looking forward to finishing up school. This way, Geoff will be free to take classes in the fall because he wont need to help me with Eli in the afternoons while I study and do homework. My parents are pretty excited to have Eli there too. I hope it all works out for the best. Finishing this program will be awesome for me as well, because I only have 12 credits of classes left and then 1 semester of student teaching. Once I am done I will have my teaching license and be able to finish my masters degree online. Provided I find a job, Geoff will be able to quit his and finish school full time. Eli will be old enough to put in daycare or preschool at that point. Its stressful and I would rather be home with him but I am too close to not finish right now. In the long run I will be glad I did (I hope). Phew. It feels good to get it all out and on "paper".

I leave you with this

6 months old

My little man is 6 months, 2 weeks old. I can not believe how fast the time is going! At his 6 month check up he was 13lbs 11oz, which puts him in the 5th %ile. and 25.5" long, which puts him in the 10th%ile. He's longish and skinny. I have to take him back to the doctor for a weight check up in a month, just to be sure he's gaining appropriately. The doctor didnt seem worried because he'd had a bout of diarrhea earlier this month, and that could have affected his weight too. Other than that, he's developing right on schedule! He is rolling easily from front to back and back to front, and can rotate himself  180 degrees on the floor to reach for toys. He is not crawling yet, but can push himself up on his hands and knees for a minute or two if he wants. Most importantly, he's been sleeping in his own bed for most (or part) of the night for almost 2 weeks! The first night was super hard, he cried and cried and cried. We kept checking on him, trying to convince him he's OK in there alone. After 1.5 hours, he fell fast asleep and I broke down. I was so afraid he'd hate me forever and he fell asleep because I thought I abandoned him. When he woke up 2 hours later, he fussed for me and as soon as I leaned over his crib, he gave me the biggest smile ever. I guess he didnt think I left him after all. Now its super cute, if he starts crying and is not in the need for a feeding, as soon as we pick up his paci, he rolls over onto his side and opens his mouth. He is getting really, really good at sleeping in his crib. He is still up a few times a night for feedings, but given his lower weight, I dont mind. If I am completely honest I love night time feedings sometimes and am going to sad when he doesnt need them anymore. There is nothing better than baby cuddles at night. 

We've started feeding him some solids now too, which he has started to enjoy. I was hesitant to start solids with him because i dont want him to not get the milk he needs, but he's been showing interest. So far he's had; mangos (loves), avacado (loves), bananas (meh) apples (hates) pears (hates) carrots (meh), sweet potatoes (meh) peas (loves). I have made all of his baby food for the most part, and I love cooking for him. Even if its steaming a bag of frozen peas and pureeing, straining and re freezing them for him. I like knowing that I am making his food so I can control what goes into it, how fresh it is, how it tastes and what the texture is like! Some days for lunch, I'll steam a whole sweet potato and we'll share :o) Thats always nice.

In other news, Geoff is doing great at work and recently got a nice bonus and a raise after an awesome evaluation at work! He's putting school on hold for now to focus on Eli and I and work. He's still involved with the sheriffs office for now.

For me, I am taking the CLEP exam in a week, which I need for graduate school. Next I have to take the PLACE/PRAXIS exam before student teaching in the fall. I am registered for my practicum, which is 2 days of class work in an elementary school to total up to 180 hours or so? I dont remember off the top of my head.  I'm looking forward to going back to school, but obviously concerned about leaving Eli. I need to start daycare shopping as well. I am also trying to convince Geoff to move back to Colorado Springs. He could transfer to UCCS and I could student teach down there in the spring. I miss my family and we've been spending lots of time with them, which has made me realize how difficult it is to be here alone. My mom and dad adore Eli, and I want him to know his aunts and cousins. Geoff's dad has been super involved too and I love how much he loves his grandson. I want Eli to know his grandparents and be comfortable with them. 

Well thats it for the Robinson family for now!

5 months!

My little monkey is 5 months old! I cant believe it, its going by so fast. Everyone said it would, but wow. First, here is what Eli is doing now! He can roll from back to front and front to back. He prefers to be on his back though, and although he *can* roll from back to front, he rarely does. He can hold his weight on his legs, and has been since he was 1-2 months old. I am wondering if he will skip crawling and go straight to walking? He is putting everything he can reach in his mouth. Including daddy's name tag, jump drive, pens, etc. haha. Geoff has to be careful holding him after work until he changes out of his work clothes! Eli is also sitting for a few seconds at a time. I think he could sit longer, but he really prefers to stand. He tries to stand up in his bumbo seat all the time and I am afraid he is going to flip himself out of it one day! He has also started making new noises! Its somewhere between incredibly cute and slightly annoying. He grumbles, mumbles, coos and babbles constantly. The annoying part is he can also shriek like a baby pterodactyl. Its the shrillest, loudest, most ear peircing thing I have ever heard!!! There is no doubt he wants something when he does it. And he does it a lot, like in church :o) lol.

As far as eating and sleeping...he is still breast fed exclusively. Our doc gave us the go ahead for solids at 4 months, which surprised me because the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends waiting til 6 months. A lot of people have suggested starting solids sooner because it will help him sleep longer. I dont buy it. I want to wait til I know for sure he's ready, and solids before a year are just for flavor anyway 95%+ of their nutrition is supposed to come from breastmilk or formula. He's had a few bites of applesauce and bananas, he mostly shutters, gags and makes faces at it. Overall, I dont think hes that ready.
And for sleeping. We tried the no cry sleep solution for two weeks solid. And it was 14 nights of hell. I can honestly say that was the most sleep deprived, most exhausted I have been since he was born. He would take over 45 minutes to rock to sleep, and then he would wake up over and over. I would go in and have to rock him back to sleep 5 or 6 times between 8 an 10. He never slept more than 2-3 hours. So, for now, hes back in bed with me. We did go out and get a king size bed though :o)
I know my last post said it was going ok, but after that night he was in bed with me, I spent 2 nights at my parents house and he coslept the entire time. He even slept for 5 hours one night!! Our goal of sleep training was for everyone to get more sleep. With the crib thing, we werent. So hes back in our bed. And for now, its working great.

Back to him being fussy, we ordered the The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting Your High Needs Child by Dr. Sears. And in it he highlights 12 features of a high needs baby. Eli is 11.5 out of 12! I guess its good to know we're not alone, we're not doing anything wrong, and its OK for him to be that way. I have had a lot of anxiety and frustration over Eli's neediness. Now I guess I feel relief that its just his personality and its our job to help him learn how to use it to his benefit. Of course we want him to grow up to a likable, successful, productive person. Its hard to because its easy to become apologetic about his needs. Or to compare him to other babies, he doesnt sleep as much, or he's not content on the floor alone, or whatever but thats not fair to him. People usually think I am grossly over exaggerating when I say he's high needs or demanding...until they witness it! hahahaha lol Anyway, its good to know that our little man is just who he is, and there is nothing we can do but love him :o) Which I knew anyway, but its good to reminded of it!