Oliver's Birth

Long time no post. We have been busy here in the Robinson house! Eli is 7 and in first grade at the school where I teach (we are a K-12 school) and Maddie just turned 3 and goes to a fantastic in-home daycare while I work. Geoff is still at Wal-mart and I am over halfway through my 6th year teaching.

So to back up regarding Ollie, this summer I told Geoff if we were on the fence about a 3rd child we needed to decide because I am getting old! I turned 31 in November and always wanted to be done by 30. Lo and behold, I was pregnant the next month. This was a total shock considering the hoops we jumped through to conceive Maddie. My original due date based on my cycle was January 27. We were feeling optimistic about this, but realized I was probably going to have to go back to work at some point just because the financial impact of maternity leave on a teacher is harsh. An early ultrasound confirmed the pregnancy, but put my due date at February 6 instead. I was worried about him being due so close to Mads's birthday, but what could I do at that point? The pregnancy was mostly fine, I had my fair share of "morning sickness" including some highly embarrassing episodes at work where my assistant principal had to come cover my classes so I could barf. Fun. At Ollie's 20 week ultrasound we confirmed what I suspected, we were having another little boy! We also got the news that he had some soft markers for Downs Syndrome, especially around his heart. I was fairly worried but a follow up ultrasound dispelled our worries.  Eli had been hoping and wishing for a brother, and Maddie didn't care too much, so I am glad it worked out the way it did. Coincidentally, we had our ultrasound right before Eli's 7th birthday and he requested that we do the gender reveal at his party. It was fun to announce it to our family and friends that we were expecting another sweet son. The rest of the pregnancy was fine, I had a better time physically this time than I did with the other two. I think it is because I was in much better shape this go around than last time, so my back pain and whatnot was much easier to deal with.
Fast forward to 38 weeks, and we had a scare where I wasn't feeling much movement. A frantic call to a friend to come sit with Mads and Eli and we headed to L&D to do a non-stress test. $600 deductible later and he was fine. My last day of work was scheduled for February 2, based on my due date of Feb 6. I came into work on January 30 and my sweet advising kids had planned a surprise baby shower for me. They had balloons and cupcakes and gifts. I appreciate their caring so much, they are an incredible group of kids and I am lucky to get to know them!

My due date came and went, and no baby! One of the midwives I see recommended an extra ultrasound a non-stress test the following week to make sure everything is OK. I agreed and went home to wait til 41 weeks. I woke up on Friday (Feb 9) just exhausted. I was so tired that day and even ordered pizza for the kids for lunch so I didn't have to get up and make them food. I think my body was trying to conserve energy for the next day. There was a lot of drama and headache surrounding the fact that he was 4 days overdue. No one anticipated his later arrival and we were stressing over when and how to get everyone here. My mom generously offered to drive up Thursday night or Friday night and spend the night in a hotel so she could be here just in case, but at that point I just wanted to be left alone to focus through the next few days. I am apparently a high strung person, because with all three kids I could not go into labor until I was left alone and in a quiet space, usually in the middle of the night! I was really worried about the kids' birthdays being so close together, but I think as long as we make sure there is time and attention for both, they will be fine. 

I woke up at 1:30 am that night with intense back labor. I tried to doze between contractions because I was still incredibly fatigued. Finally at 3 I couldn't stand it anymore and got up to pace the living room and time the contractions. I got Geoff up at around 4 because my contractions were coming every 2-10 minutes, I was in searing pain. We called my parents and sister who were coming up to sit with the other kids. by 4:30 we didn't think we could wait any longer because I was in agony and the contractions were coming so fast. Our friend Lori came to sit with the kids while my family made their way north through a crazy snow storm. Geoff and I left for the hospital at 5 and got there at 5:30. It took a while for them to admit us so I labored around the waiting room. Once we finally got upstairs and admitted, we had a visit from the on call OBGYN, standard policy for a VBAC. She kindly and factually explained the risks of a TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean) and wished us the best. She was really nice to work with, because the doctor we had used with Maddie was very fear-mongering and basically treated me like a fool for wanting a VBAC and acted like I was going to kill my baby. This doctor was kind and supportive and really wanted me to be successful! 

Shift change is at 7am, and here came my favorite midwife, the same one who delivered Mads! Marie is one of those people I can see wearing a flower crown and delivering babies in a field somewhere. I dont think she could be anything BUT a midwife, she is just so well suited to her profession. She also had a student with her who is finishing her clinicals, her name is Tess. Tess was a huge help during labor, providing pain relief measures outside of an epidural and generally was supportive of my goals. Tess asked if she could check me, and I consented, reluctantly. I was surprised to hear I was at a 6! I labored for a while with the help of the midwives, the amazing nurse, Angie, and my husband. Angie spent several hours following me around, sitting on the floor, and doing whatever she needed to get a steady read on the baby. Unfortunately this was not enough for us to keep a lead on him. I had to get in bed and lay still to find his heart beat for at least 20 minutes. This was really hard on me because I was needing to move and have counter pressure for each contraction. I was getting frustrated because back labor is painful and I had to keep stopping to let them get the heart beat again. Tess suggested that we try a TENS unit for a while and I was surprised how much it helped. I started to find myself caught in the fear-tension-pain cycle though as labor continued to ramp up, because I remember how terrifying and painful back labor could be After several hours of this my labor was starting to fizzle. For some reason I was still incredibly tired, like could not hold my eyes open. I got in the tub for a while and then agreed to letting them break my water and put an internal monitor on Ollie so I could labor freely. Tess tried to check me again and I could not tolerate being on my back. Geoff and I discussed an epidural at this point because I was so tired. We decided to proceed because my labor was stalling, I was exhausted, and I was getting really frustrated with the continuous monitoring putting me back in bed and unable to cope with the intensity of yet another back labor. We got the epidural around 3pm. Of course the epidural added to the cycle of labor stalling, so they broke my water, put a lead on the baby and let me rest for a bit. I had a pretty good epidural placement, but due to a prior injury, I had a pretty big window on my lower back that didn't take. 

At this point I was an emotional wreck. I was so tired, and so anxious about getting him here, I was just bawling. My midwife stopped by to check on me again and sat with me for a while, reassuring me that I was doing good work and that he'd be here soon. I dozed for a bit between contractions and by 5pm my labor was almost stopped. They gave me a tiny bit of pitocin to help labor pick back up, and by 7pm I was ready to push. My epidural was still there, in the sense I did not have full sensation on my legs, but I had good leg control and definitely understand the reference to the "ring of fire". I was still feeling really emotional, frustrated that labor had stalled, and I felt like I had failed because I got an epidural, my goal was always a "natural" birth. I was weepy and swinging wildly from making jokes to sobbing. By 7pm, I was hell bent on getting Oliver here at that point and pushed like my life depended on it. 4-5 really good pushes later, and he was here! He cried right away and they set him on my chest to let the cord stop pulsing. He settled down right away and cuddled into mama. Then he peed on me, followed by his first poop. Lucky mama. All 7lbs 10 oz and 20" of baby was here. 

My mom and dad were able to bring Eli and Mads up to meet their little brother right away. Eli had asked for us to take a picture of the placenta, and we did. Even better though, the nurse heard us talking about it and saved it for him in a tub! Gross, but cool! Maddie and Eli both got to listen to his heart and help weigh and measure him.

He slept well our first night there, and the second. We wanted to go home after 24 hours, but because he was born at 7:16pm, they had to keep us a second night. He passed his hearing check, we got some help in the pumping department, because I am really worried about going back to work and having to pump for him. The pediatrician came by that morning, and weighed and looked over Ollie again. At that time he was already back up to 7lb 8oz, and nursing like a champ. We came home on Maddie's 3rd birthday, thankfully I was able to order a cake on the phone from the hospital and Geoff and my mom went to pick it up. My mom and sister bought a cute table cloth and put a banner for Maddie's birthday, and helped to make it a special day for her.

Overall I feel OK about his birth. I feel like VBACing still doesn't have the full support it could, but it went much better than the fight we had to do Maddie's birth that way! I feel like I could've done it without the drugs this time if I had been left alone, the constant monitoring made it really hard to get in the head space I needed to have a successful med free birth. I think we made the right choice in getting the epidural when we did, considering how things were going and how incredibly tired I was at that point. At any rate, I am really glad he is here and he is so loved by everyone in this family!! 

Madeleine Clare's Birth Story

WARNING: There is probably more about my body and birth than you may want to know. Proceed at your own risk! :)

The evening of my due date, February 11, Eli did NOT want to go to bed. This is unusual for him, usually by bed time the little guy is tired and ready to sleep. He fussed and procrastinated and generally was crabby about it. He said he'd miss me, which I thought was odd. I finally got him to bed and went to bed myself. I woke up at 2:30am with strong back labor. I got up, used the restroom and while I was up Eli came into our room crying that his legs hurt and he needed mama cuddles.
I was in quite a bit of pain already so I gave him so ibuprofen and some water and sent him back to bed with lots of cuddles and love from mama.
I went back to bed and tried to relax through what was already extremely strong back labor. The contractions started off right away at 1 minute long and 5 minutes apart. By 4 I was tired of timing them and rolled over, choosing to ignore them and focus on sleep. I was able to dose between them, but had to sit up or curl up and focus through them. By 5 I was unable to lay down any longer. I woke Geoff up and got in the shower. Geoff called my mom and asked her if she could come take care of Eli. I stayed in the shower until the hot water ran out and then got out and got dressed and ready for the hospital.

My mom arrived around 8 and Geoff and my mom encouraged me to call my midwife and see if she could check me. I didn't want to go in and then be told I was only a centimeter or two or worse, get to the hospital and then give them time to say I hadn't progressed enough in the right amount of time and be pressured for a section. The back labor however was so intense at this point I was having to moan through the contractions and Geoff was having to push pretty hard to offset them. Geoff was worried if I waited too long I wasn't going to be able to tolerate the car ride or worse, I'd give birth before we got there :P

I called and one of my favorite midwives was on duty. She is the picture of a hippie midwife. She grew up on a farm, birthed 7 children, cloth diapered, breast fed, just all around my kind of people. She was the right person to have by myside during this labor and delivery. She checked my cervix and declared me a 4. I had lost my mucus plug and was having lots of bloody show and she felt like I was making adequate progress to go ahead and go in to labor and delivery. I explained my concerns to her and she assured me she was on duty all night and would let me labor to my hearts content as long as baby was OK. Geoff and I headed out for the hospital, stopping at Kum and Go for a cherry limeade icee :)

Once we arrived at the hospital the nurses got me registered, asked me to change into a labor gown and wanted to hook me up to an IV and continuous monitoring. I was frustrated. How was I supposed to move this baby down and get the counter pressure I desperately needed from bed?! I asked to be left to walk around and move the baby down. They tried putting on remote monitors but couldn't keep the baby on the monitor. Maddie was fine, but as I was moving she was moving away from the monitor and they'd lose the trace. They tried probably 12 times to get her back on the monitor and had so much goop on my belly I had to discard the gown and my labor was fizzling. I broke down at this point. I wanted nothing more than to go home to my boy and my bed. I was in tears when my midwife came in and asked what was wrong. She gently cleaned up my belly for me, and told me I could go home or I could stay and get serious about birthing this baby. I told her I was serious but couldn't get in the zone because I kept being interrupted every 4 minutes by someone adjusting something. She went up and talked to the doctor (since I was a VBAC, the midwives were my primary but they had to be supervised by a doc) and got the OK to do 20 minutes of monitoring every hour. This was much more agreeable to me and I was able to get back to business. After some time on the birth ball my labor picked back up and was immediately excruciating. My midwife came in to monitor some contractions and help coach me through keeping my mouth low and open to encourage my bottom to open. She ran me a bath with some bath salts and told me to soak and relax and let the baby come down.

I got in the tub and felt like time stopped. I don't know how long I was in there, but more or less I could deal with the contractions in there. Once the water started cooling off I got out because Geoff couldn't apply counter pressure with me in the tub. My midwife commented she had rarely seen such intense back labor, even though Maddie was positioned pretty well, I felt like my spine was being smashed with a hammer through each contraction. She asked if I would like to be checked again once I got out of the tub and I agreed, wanted to get an idea of how much work I had left to do.

Around 1pm I was at 6cm and barely coping. Around 4pm she needed to monitor me again and asked if she could check me again because I was not coping well. I was barely able to hang on through continuous, long contractions. My contractions were lasting 1-2 minutes each and some were double peaking, meaning I was basically having two on top of each other. I was in tears, screaming through them. I felt like I was going to crawl up the wall, exorcist style. My midwife tried helping to encourage Maddie to rotate, as we suspected she was OP, she tried the birthing ball, massage, a hot bath, lunges. etc. Maddie would not turn.

Around 5pm I had bruises blooming across my back and Geoff's wrists ached from constantly pushing so hard against the pain. I was screaming hysterically through the pain. I asked to be checked again and was only at a 7. The nurse I had  mentioned that I had the right to pain meds if I changed my mind. I was pretty firm going in that I didn't want them. Geoff asked me to think about, because, frankly I think I was scaring him. I was texting two good friends of mine, Katie V and Katie Z, at the time and both of them encouraged me to follow what I knew to be best. I cried and cried and finally asked for the epidural. As Katie Z said "better living through pharmaceuticals".  In hindsight, I am afraid I would have had to do a c-section with Maddie if I had waited another hour or two. My body was starting to shut down. I was screaming and out of control during the contractions, vomiting and shaking, and out of my head. I tried to meditate and find my peace and I could not. The nurse pumped half a bag of fluids in me and got anesthesia up to start the epidural.

Once the anesthesiologist finally got up there I was in for the worst 10 minutes. My contractions were double peaking and coming every 3-5 minutes. I was barely holding on with intense counter pressure from Geoff and now had to hold stock-still to let him place the needle.

I expected the relief to be almost immediate. It was not. Apparently placing an epidural is not an exact science and I ended up with a "window" where it would not reach in my right side. I was now stuck, flat on my back, with a fairly good sized area in my back on the right side where I was feeling the contractions and couldn't do anything. They gave me another medicine I could push every 10 minutes to keep pumping extra meds in to counter the pain. Around 8 I was finally pretty comfortable. I got to where I was only feeling the peak of each contraction, then the peak of every 3rd or so. I continued to labor and rock my hips as best as I could to deal. After a couple of hours (? I am not sure how long, maybe 2 hours?) I had an anterior lip of cervix left around 8:30 my midwife asked if she could break my water. I consented, with much trepidation because once they broke my water with Eli, things went south fast. My bag was bulging though and she felt comfortable seeing how Maddie was doing without the sac. Maddie was a trooper! Her heart rate would accelerate with my contractions, apparently she liked it. My 10 I only had a small lip of cervix left. My midwife asked me to go ahead and try pushing and see how I did. During my next contraction I pushed. Maddie liked the pushing, but as soon as I stopped her heart rate tanked. She needed the force of the contractions apparently. At this point the epidural was hardly working and I could feel mostly everything. I had a small pocket around my cervix and bladder that was still numb. They inserted a couple different probes and catheters to internally monitor Maddie. I finally felt her turn and drop down. My midwife called the doctor because she was very concerned about Maddie's heart rate as I was pushing. The doctor came up and had me push through 6 or so more contractions, and told me if I didn't push her out they were going to have to do something else. I screamed at her that I was pushing her out!

Finally the doctor got out a small vacuum to help. I yelled NO! and asked her what the risks were and she said they were minimal at this point compared to the risk of continuing to push. I consented and in two more pushes with very minimal pressure from the vacuum, Madeleine Clare was born onto my chest at 10:59pm. I cried, and cried and couldn't believe I did it. Geoff cried too and kept telling me how proud of me he was.

Maddie pinked up pretty fast and made her way to the breast. She latched right on and nursed and nursed. They finally cut her cord and weighed and measured her. 7lbs 6oz and 20 inches long. She was here. As soon as they set her on my chest the nurse came in and said my mom and dad had just arrived and asked if they could come in. She sent my mom in and left my dad in the waiting room as they were still stitching me up, I had a 2nd degree tear that required some stitching.

I can't believe I did it.

birthy thoughts

No, R2 is not here yet. However I have had so many birthy thoughts swirling around in my head that I felt like sitting down and releasing them into the world and into God's hands would be soothing to my soul. I felt so much relief after I posted the blog post about trying to conceive this little lady, I wanted to see if writing everything out helped me focus and get ready to birth her.

Ever since Eli's peaceful, thought out, respectful but emergency cesarean birth, I have wanted to try again. I want to birth a baby the way women were designed to. I harbor no bitterness or resentment towards Eli's birth. Every step of the way I felt like my wishes were honored, respected and my voice was listened to. I believe that is all anyone can hope for in a birth, unexpected things happen all the time and that is why *I* chose to birth in the hospital, it gives me a sense of peace. Eli was delivered at PVH in Fort Collins, which is part of University Health Systems. When I discovered I was pregnant with this baby, we immediately decided to deliver at PVH's sister hospital, the brand-new, state of the art, MCR. We automatically assumed our experience would be the same, the same amazing staff, respectful environment and supportive experience that we loved so dearly with Eli. My main midwife. K, was on board with my plans to VBAC. We discussed the causes of Eli's cesarean birth (OP and asynclitic presentation, basically he was sunny side up with his ear to his shoulder and the cord wrapped around him multiple times) and we discussed how I went into labor on my own, how I progressed on my own all the way to 8cm, how I tolerated labor with no pain meds and everything was great....until it wasn't. After they broke my water with E (with my consent after stalling at 8cm for a while) his heart rate tanked. My heart rate tanked. I was blacking out, and hardly breathing on my own. My amazing doula had me turning over in bed as much as I could after we made the call to get the epidural. At that point I knew, he would be a c-section. Honestly the word brought relief to me. I knew Eli wasn't going to tolerate labor much longer. K agreed that everything surrounding Eli's birth was basically the perfect storm of things to happen to lead to a true emergency c-section. We tried everything we could, and I am grateful for modern medicine that safely brought my boy into this world.
However, this birth is different. This baby is different. And I want to try to birth her vaginally. I felt like everyone was on board, until I saw a different midwife in my practice around November. She was colder and more "interventiony" than K. This lady immediately started in on how MCR doesn't allow VBACS (I HATE that word "allow" how do you NOT allow someone to use their body for the thing it was designed to do?!!?!) and I would need to accept a repeat c-section. I was in tears. I left the appointment and called Geoff, frantic about trying to change providers and deliver at a different hospital. At my next appointment I saw K again and she reassured me it was not a big deal, we just would refuse the csection, they can't force me to have surgery if I don't want it. I have been anxious and frustrated since then. I once read in Ina May Gaskin's book that the cervix is smart, she writes about mothers who have been in active labor only to have someone enter the room, or circumstances change only to have the cervix reverse dialate and close back up. I fully believe this is where I am sitting right now.
I had not seen that midwife until last week, at my 38 week appointment. Before I get into that, I want to mention I fell at work and had to go to labor and delivery to be monitored for 4 hours, standard procedure. One of the other midwives was there and ordered a quick ultrasound to check placenta and fluid levels. The ultrasound tech came in and did a very quick ultrasound, with no real pictures of the baby except to confirm she is in fact head down and facing my back (yay).
Anyway, at my 38 week appointment I was scheduled to see that midwife again, the one who shattered my confidence earlier in my pregnancy. She came in my room, spent 3 minutes finding the heart beat, asked if I was still planning on a TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean) and marched me up to the receptionist and ordered I meet with an OBGYN and schedule and ultrasound, because all the sudden this baby is "too big" to birth vaginally, all of this despite the fact I JUST HAD AN ULTRASOUND and I was NOT measuring large, at all. I was in shock. She starts ranting about how VBACs are dangerous and carry such a high risk of uterine rupture and how I need to be prepared to not have one in case R2 is too big.
In shock I made the appointments as directed and left, feeling defeated and scared. I called Geoff and relayed all of this to him, in tears. His response was perfect, basically he said "eff that, you do what you want".
I debated it, talked briefly with an old friend about it, and decided to cancel the ultrasound. I felt like the entire purpose of it was to give them a reason to tell me I couldn't attempt a VBAC.
I kept the appointment with the doctor though, as it is in fact hospital policy. I had that appointment on Wednesday this week, at 39 weeks pregnant I dragged Eli with me to meet the doc.
I had already decided I was going to refuse a vaginal exam because I have heard of doctors stripping membranes or breaking water without asking and I did NOT want to give anyone the chance. Not to mention I was extremely uncomfortable with the situation and didn't want someone I just met sticking their hand up my hoo-ha! The nurse was annoyed that I refused to undress and immediately called the doctor in. The doctor was pushy and rude, and kept saying she couldn't tell if I was a good candidate for a VBAC without checking my pelvis for physical anomalies. I politely stood my ground and refused the exam. I tried to explain my reasoning but was cut off everytime I started talking. I was humiliated and frustrated. The doctor then pulled out the form for me to sign to consent to the VBAC. I basically signed a waiver saying that even though there is >1% chance of uterine rupture (the same chance of uterine rupture in a NON VBAC is labor is induced or augmented with pitocin) that I had to accept all risk and responsibility. The doctor wasted no time going into a long diatribe about all the graphic and terrible things that could happen to me and my baby.
I am not even in labor and they're playing the dead baby card. I finally said "I understand, can I sign and go?"
The doctor admitted I sounded like I had done my research and she didn't see any reason I shouldn't at least try to VBAC.
So here I sit, at 39w1d (Eli was born at 38w6d), as pregnant as I have ever been, scared to go into labor because I feel like I am walking into a fire fight as soon as I step foot into that hospital. Its a frustrating and scary feeling. I don't have my heart 100% set on a VBAC in the sense that I am going to be crushed if it doesn't happen, but I would like to feel supported and trusted that my body can, or might be able to, or at least not doubted until there is a reason to doubt. I strongly feel like Eli's birth was a fluke, a weird circumstance, and a perfect storm of weird situations that aligned for him to be born via cesarean. I don't feel like its my only option, I don't feel like I have no choice, I don't feel like I am doomed to fail. I do not want my baby cut out and removed from me like a tumor. I want to labor, and birth her. If, for some reason, circumstances dictate otherwise, I will relent and consent to other options, but we don't know that yet. I just want to be trusted to try.

I spoke with a lovely mama friend on the phone a night or two ago and she prayed for peace over me and this baby, and for this baby girl to come in her perfect time with the perfect people in the room. I am offering that prayer up to God now. I am ready, I am trying to be ready anyway, for this baby girl to come in her perfect time and in her perfect way. I am praying the midwife on duty when I get there is the right one with the knowledge and skill to help me deliver the way that God intends. I am also praying I know exactly the right moment to leave for the hospital, as my own mama has to drive 2 hours to get here to take care of Eli. I am trying very hard to shake off the fear and doubt and worry that I am feeling right now and prepare my mind, soul and body to do its work. Geoff and I made the call the tomorrow will by my last day of work. I am doubting that decision now as I physically feel like I could work through Wednesday (my due date) next week, but believe it is the right choice for us because now I can use any time I have to rest and relax and mediate on this sweet baby girl. I am terrified, I feel like someone is going to jump out at any time now and yell "April Fools! No baby for you!" Like this was all some sick joke. I am trying to let go of the doubt and face the reality that I *can* and will have this baby sometime soon.
If you are the praying kind, and you have read this far, please pray for my birth, Pray that R2 comes in God's perfect time, and in God's perfect way. Pray that this fear and doubt that is plaguing me disappears and I am strong and capable. Pray that we know the exact time to leave for the hospital and the perfect people to be with me in the room when I deliver. I surrender all of this to God's hands.

Over halfway there!

We are more than halfway through this pregnancy. whew. I am cautiously getting excited, up til this point I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop...I kept waiting for someone to jump out and yell "Surprise! April Fool's! No baby for you!"

Finding out the gender this weekend helped :) In case you haven't heard yet, its a girl!!
Not finding out right away helped me to feel more connected with this baby too, because I realized that I KNEW she was a girl.

Geoff and I are very excited to have a girl. I can't wait to spoil a girl as much as I spoiled my boy. I am a little more reserved about raising a girl, it feels more overwhelming than raising a boy. I can't wait to see Eli and Daddy moon over her. Eli has wanted a sister since the moment he found out we were pregnant. He was been adamant its a girl. The last week or so he's wavered, but I think that is more because people assume he must want a brother, so they have been asking him "do you want a brother? You want a boy baby, right?" etc. Needless to say, he's very excited for his sister. We are getting read to paint and set up the nursery, I realized today I am almost 22 weeks (over halfway) and we have nothing done! haha.

Luckily, we don't need a lot. The following list is more a thought-process for me...not a request for anyone to do anything.
In my estimation we need:
24 prefolds
an ikea crib
dresser or changing table
and, of course, baby clothes :)
I think we are going to go with the Chicco Nextfit carseat. My friend Dani is the owner of an amazing cloth diaper store in Colorado Springs, and its one of her favorite carseats for littles. I trust the woman's judgement on these sorts of things! :)
and that's about it!
We are going to paint HER room tiffany blue, and do white furniture and either coral or yellow accents. I can't wait.

18 weeks :)

I am 18 weeks today! Yay! I have a check up on Friday, hopefully we can schedule my 20 week ultrasound. We'd like to get the ultrasound right before Eli's birthday because we would like to do a gender reveal after Eli's birthday. My plan is to have his party, have family stay for lunch, then go back to our house and have a box waiting for Eli to open with either pink or blue balloons in it. When he opens it up, the balloons fly out, and Surprise! Everyone knows what R2 is!

I am feeling much better, I have stopped throwing up for the most part, thankfully!
I still have not gained any weight, which is awesome because I don't need to gain more than 15 pounds or so, so I am hoping to save that til trimester 3 if I can. I have started getting a bit more hungry, but as long as I eat a small snack every 2 hours or so, I stay pretty stable at work. I have had to go to bed at 9:30 or so every night in order to function the next day, as I get up at 5:45-6ish every morning.

We are still debating on names, I think we are going to keep the name quiet until after R2 is born, we kinda did that with Eli, but not on purpose, we just weren't 100% sure yet. We are super indecisive and probably won't know until we see his/her face anyway.

I'll update more after my appt on Friday :)

Eli is back in full swing of preschool. He LOVES preschool! Its kind of expensive, but I am glad we moved him over to ECU. He has great teachers who seem to "get" him and they definitely challenge him everyday. He has great friends there and loves going everyday. We have to put his tired baby butt to bed at 7:30 every night so he can get up in the morning.

Geoff is still slaving away at Wal-mart. His official title is "assistant manager" but should probably be "Wal-mart B*tch" because that's what he is. He is scheduled 50 hours a week, but works closer to 60. He is working on figuring out a plan to go back to school, so hopefully that pans out and he can finish his degree and find a job that is satisfying for him. We are, of course, grateful he is gainfully employed, but it is hard to see him so frustrated with work.

That's pretty much it for the Robinson Family. We are looking forward to cooler weather, Eli's birthday, and the holidays right around the corner!

I'm PREGNANT!!

So, I don't know if releasing all of that (see my last post) out into the world and into God's hands made the difference, or if it was a combination of prayer, the vitamins and supplements I was taking or what...but we're expecting baby #2 (affectionately known as R-2) February 11. The next two paragraphs are probably more info than some of you want to know, if you want to skip the cycle info and when and what I did to get pregnant, skip down to paragraph 4!

In my last blog post, I thought I was 8DPO. It seems like I tried to ovulate, then didn't, then ovulated a week later than I thought. This means when I thought I was 8DPO I was actually 1. I was getting ready to call my midwife for a prescription of Provera to start a new cycle, since this cycle seemed to be dragging on and on. I took vitex from CD 1-25, didn't ovulate, and stopped taking it. I started taking Fertilaid and metformin on CD 25-60. I stopped both when I realized I was pregnant.

I thought I ovulated on CD 35 (average cycles are 28-35 days) and tested on CD 44-BFN.
I started using progesterone on day 42, because I suspected a luteal phase defect, then actually ovulated on CD 42. I tested on CD 44, 46, 47, 50, and 53. At this point I should've been 11 DPO and been able to get a positive test, which did not happen. I kept getting negatives. The evening of our anniversary, my chest was very sore and I didn't feel well. Both symptoms of PMS. The next night my back hurt, and I was ready to just give up and start over. I was 18 DPO and frustrated. Geoff was on his way home from work so I decided to take a test (my last one!) and then call the doctor in the morning for Provera to start a new cycle once I was sure I was not pregnant. Imagine my surprise when I was!! Unfortunately, I started spotting almost the next day. We called my midwife and she got me in for threatened miscarriage. She thought I was farther along than I actually was, so we did an ultrasound. Imagine my sweet relief when we found the tiny heart beat on the ultra sound. A few days later I started passing small amounts of grey tissue and the bleeding increased. Geoff stayed home from work one day to go with me because again, we thought we lost the baby. The ultrasound never revealed a reason for the bleeding, and my midwife couldn't tell me for sure. One theory is possibly there were twins and we lost one, but we'll probably never know. We had a regular check-up at 10 weeks and my midwife was able to get the heart beat on the doppler. There has never been a sweeter sound than hearing that galloping heart beat.

I told Geoff the night after our anniversary, we had waited too long for me not to tell him right away :)
Eli and I had already made his father's day card, which had Darth on the front, and said "Dad, you are my father" and Yoda inside and it said "Yoda  best dad ever". I crossed out "my" and wrote "our" then I put the test inside. Then I told him I am sorry I gave you something for father's day that I peed on. :)

I am so excited about this child, the timing could not have been better. We just moved into a beautiful new house, its a 3 bed 2 bath ranch with full unfinished basement. I'll post house pictures later. The due date for this baby is mid-February, which allows me to take the rest of the school year off, unpaid, and return to work in August. We made a bit of money in the sale of our condo, which should be enough for me to stay home from Feb-August. I am so excited to begin putting this little person's room together and get ready for baby.

Right now we are planning a hospital VBAC, I had a great hospital experience last time and totally and completely felt like I was supported, respected, and treated with dignity, even though E's birth ended up in a cesarean. Geoff is much more comfortable with VBACing at the hospital instead of at home, so we will do that. I am going to start seeing a chiropractor soon, and hope that will help me and baby stay in better alignment and more ready for birth.

For now, we wait and pray and hope this baby continues to grow and thrive and we get to meet our little R2 in Feb!

6 years ago...

I couldn't really decide on what to get Geoff this year. Money is tight, my last day of school with kids was yesterday, he's working, blah blah blah. Always with the busy life stuff. So I sat down at the computer while Eli was napping, and came across this cute card on Pinterest that said "Today I have loved you..." I loved the idea. But I lack a cricut machine, a wooden block and the patience to procure either. I typed it up, and thought "well that looks dumb! Its black letters on a sheet of computer paper!" So I started adding pictures...and Voila! Its done!