I have been teaching for roughly 3.5 months now, and I have to say I had no idea what I was getting myself into. When I student taught, I was at a very nice, mostly middle to upper middle class charter school in Monument. I am now teaching in Greeley, CO where 80% of our students are on free and reduced lunch. To illustrate my point let me share an anecdote from yesterday's lesson. The lesson objective was for the kids to become familiar with Mayan trade and the Mayan tax system. I started the lesson by showing the kids an American 1040 form and discussing who pays taxes, how we pay taxes and what that money is used for. One of the things we came up with tax money helps with is schools. I told the kids that schools are funded by the government, and that someone paid money for them to be here etc. One student raised her hand and said "I used to have a friend and she had to buy her food" I wasn't sure what she meant so I probed a bit further and asked the obvious question "what? What do you mean bought her food?"
She replied "She had to like, buy her food, her parents had to give her money for food"
At this point I thought I knew what she meant so I asked "Do you mean her parents wrote her a check or gave her cash to buy school lunch?"
Student "Yeah, it was weird"
Me-*facepalm* I was astounded. I calmly explained that food cost money and someone, somewhere is paying for this food. I told the students our tax dollars go to provide food for students who meet certain income requirements etc. I went home still shaking my head. I can't believe a student who's parents actually pay for lunch is in the minority here.
In addition to that, in the past two days I have written four referrals. Two for a fist fight, one for a student cussing at me, and one because a student commented that "Mrs. Robinson must be on her period, she is beign such a bitch"... yep. That about sums up my week.
Like I said, I had no idea what I was getting into. I am glad I know now because next year is going to be so much better.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
You never know....
whew. I don't even know where to begin. In my last post I mentioned I had interviewed at several schools and not had any luck. Well, at the end of the July I was at my parents house and noticed there was a new posting at Franklin Middle School, in Greeley. I had already interviewed there for the 6th grade Language Arts position, but now they had a social studies position open. I was ready to jump at the chance! However, it was already 4pm and I figured no one was there, so I'd call tomorrow. Imagine my surprise when my phone rang a few minutes later, and the secretary from Franklin called and asked me if I would come in for another interview! I said yes and made plans to come in the following Monday. I went in on Monday and felt like I was supposed to be there-it just felt like home. I was comfortable with the principal and the assistant principal, and introduced myself to the office manager. The interview was going well enough until the principal causally mentioned that he had over 50 applicants for this position. My heart sank and I was sure I wasn't getting it. He said he would be in touch and let me know before the week was over. I went home and told Geoff that we better make plans for me to be at home again this year, since school started in less than 3 weeks. The next day I was hanging out with Eli and I got a phone call from an unknown number. I figured it was a telemarketer or wrong number so I answered with an un-enthusiastic "hello?" It was the principal from Franklin! He was calling to offer me the job!! Of course I said yes and started planning immediately. On my first day of new teacher training, I mentioned to some of the veteran teachers that I was looking to possibly move to Greeley and lo and behold, one of them had a house she was just purchasing (with her son, long story) and they needed a tenant. I talked to Geoff about it that night and we moved in just a few days before school started! We found a good in home daycare for Eli, the lady who runs it is licensed and besides being a bit spacey, seems very patient and kind. Eli has taken to daycare much better than I ever would have hoped, he likes the kids there and talks about it all the time. Its been a long, crazy past month or so. I can't wait for things to be settled in more and to finish unpacking the last box or two :)
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Eli is AWEsome!
My little man will be 21 months old in a few days, so I am already starting to think about his 2nd birthday. (yep. I am a party-nerd) Anyway, he blows me away every day. I am working on uploading a video of him right now telling me all of his letters! I honestly had no idea that he knew any of his letters! But he apparently does. We were at my parents house a few days ago and Eli and my mom were watching Super Why! (PBS kids show) and two letters popped up on the screen, and Eli said them without being prompted. My mom asked me if he had seen this episode before or if he knows his letters. I said yes, he's seen the episode once or twice before, and I don't think he knows them. Well, my mom has a magnet board with letters on it and Eli was already playing with it so I picked it up and asked him what each letter was. He knew them all! It was pretty amazing. I am so proud of him, he is so inquisitive and eager to learn new things. We are working on colors and shapes and numbers now too.
He has also started showing interest in using the potty, which is exciting for me because that will mean no more diapers! Some days he is eager and willing to try, some days he has no interest. Its a day by day thing. He is also sleeping in his bed most of the night now too. Ah, what a relief. I don't mind him coming to bed and sleeping with Geoff and me, but I do like having him go down in his bed at night so I can have a few hours to my self at night.
In terms of Geoff and I, Geoff is still working and plugging along with school. He is debating taking only one class at a time for now to increase his chances of being successful with his remaining credits. He only has 20 credits left, so we are both anxious for him to be done. I am still looking for a job myself, as teaching jobs in Fort Collins are very difficult to come by. I have had 5-6 interviews, and they've all gone well, but it always comes back with "its not you, its me". In short, schools are so over saturated with applicants that they can be incredibly picky about who they hire and they want someone with experience, which I don't have and can't get... so we're in a holding pattern. I could get a job in Colorado Springs, there are a LOT more jobs down there then there are up here, but I can't take a job in the Springs, and we can't move to the Springs until Geoff is done with school, but he could finish school a lot faster if he didn't have to work full time. So its a giant mess. Hopefully something will come through for us sooner than later.
As soon as the video of Eli doing his letters is done uploading I will come back and add the video.
He has also started showing interest in using the potty, which is exciting for me because that will mean no more diapers! Some days he is eager and willing to try, some days he has no interest. Its a day by day thing. He is also sleeping in his bed most of the night now too. Ah, what a relief. I don't mind him coming to bed and sleeping with Geoff and me, but I do like having him go down in his bed at night so I can have a few hours to my self at night.
In terms of Geoff and I, Geoff is still working and plugging along with school. He is debating taking only one class at a time for now to increase his chances of being successful with his remaining credits. He only has 20 credits left, so we are both anxious for him to be done. I am still looking for a job myself, as teaching jobs in Fort Collins are very difficult to come by. I have had 5-6 interviews, and they've all gone well, but it always comes back with "its not you, its me". In short, schools are so over saturated with applicants that they can be incredibly picky about who they hire and they want someone with experience, which I don't have and can't get... so we're in a holding pattern. I could get a job in Colorado Springs, there are a LOT more jobs down there then there are up here, but I can't take a job in the Springs, and we can't move to the Springs until Geoff is done with school, but he could finish school a lot faster if he didn't have to work full time. So its a giant mess. Hopefully something will come through for us sooner than later.
As soon as the video of Eli doing his letters is done uploading I will come back and add the video.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men...Put Our Family Together Again?
Its time. Eli and I are moving back to Fort Collins this Saturday. Its been approximately 10 months since we left the Fort, and I am anxious to be back home. Its going to be an incredibly difficult transition for Eli, Geoff and me...not to mention my parents. When we last lived together as a whole family unit Eli was approximately 10 months old, wearing size 9mo clothes, and not walking yet. Now he is 19 months old, wearing 18-24mo clothes, and running around like a crazy person. He walks and talks, eats 3+ meals a day, says more words than some 2 year olds I know and is a sweet, gentle, mama's boy. He talks to his daddy on the phone sometimes and I can tell he is aware that daddy is not here and he's not OK with it anymore. At the same time, he loves spending time with Nana and Papa. Its going to be hard on him not to have them around and to be stuck at home with boring old mama every day! He's used to playing with his cousins almost everyday and seeing Aunt "Chel-chee" and Uncle "Ry-nun" and "Wizzy" and "Ba-kah" (Monica, the rest are pretty explanatory, Ba-kah is harder to get). I know its going to be hard on him not to have them around. I also think its going to be hard on my mom and dad to not have Eli around. They are used to his antics at night and having cookies in bed on Sunday morning with them. Then again, who knows? Maybe they are planning a celebration since we are moving out :)
Since we are moving back to the Fort, I have been putting in applications in every school district between Longmont and Cheyenne, WY. I need a job. Its really hard to let this one go and trust that it will be taken care of, because Geoff and I had planned everything out so carefully that I would get a job and he could quit his. Of course, that was before we knew we were going to be blessed with our bouncing baby boy. Its incredibly difficult to get a job in Fort Collins, regardless of the profession, but even more so for teachers. I have had a few good leads and I will call and talk to the principal and every.single.time. they tell me they want someone with more experience. Sigh. How am I going to get experience if no one will hire me?! I have broadened my horizons as much as possible, and applied for para jobs, and am taking the exams in both Special Education and Social Studies to earn added endorsements. The irony there is I am more likely to pass the Special Ed exam because the material is very "common sense" but I am concerned I dont have the course work to back the degree, and therefore may be lacking the skills I need to be an effective sped. teahcer. I think the social studies exam is going to be harder, it covers economics, US and world history, civics, political science, and behavioral sciences. I have a degree in history, so thats not a big deal, but the rest of it seems hard. I am trying to be patient and trust God that it is going to work out, but right now its hard to believe that.
I will update here if I hear anything new anytime soon. Love you all and miss you!
Here is a fun video of Eli feeding giraffes! Enjoy!
Since we are moving back to the Fort, I have been putting in applications in every school district between Longmont and Cheyenne, WY. I need a job. Its really hard to let this one go and trust that it will be taken care of, because Geoff and I had planned everything out so carefully that I would get a job and he could quit his. Of course, that was before we knew we were going to be blessed with our bouncing baby boy. Its incredibly difficult to get a job in Fort Collins, regardless of the profession, but even more so for teachers. I have had a few good leads and I will call and talk to the principal and every.single.time. they tell me they want someone with more experience. Sigh. How am I going to get experience if no one will hire me?! I have broadened my horizons as much as possible, and applied for para jobs, and am taking the exams in both Special Education and Social Studies to earn added endorsements. The irony there is I am more likely to pass the Special Ed exam because the material is very "common sense" but I am concerned I dont have the course work to back the degree, and therefore may be lacking the skills I need to be an effective sped. teahcer. I think the social studies exam is going to be harder, it covers economics, US and world history, civics, political science, and behavioral sciences. I have a degree in history, so thats not a big deal, but the rest of it seems hard. I am trying to be patient and trust God that it is going to work out, but right now its hard to believe that.
I will update here if I hear anything new anytime soon. Love you all and miss you!
Here is a fun video of Eli feeding giraffes! Enjoy!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
What a busy year!
2012 is shaping up to be extremely busy, as I thought it would be. The semester is a little over half way finished for both Geoff and me. I am on Spring Break, Geoff's was 2 weeks ago. We haven't seen in each in what feels like forever because he is getting ready for store-wide inventory this coming Thursday. He also has two midterms this week, poor guy. Overall Geoff is doing well in school right now, but I can tell he is starting to crack under the pressure of it all. He has been struggling to keep up with the demands of homework, labs, and his unforgiving work schedule. Inventory is a BIG deal at Wal-mart, as they only do store-wide inventory once a year...and it directly impacts things like his raise and job security. I hope he can focus on school once inventory is over and manage to pull this semester together! I know he can, he's a smart guy, just under a ton of pressure.
As for me, I have been very busy as well. I finished up my capstone project which was basically an entire unit of social studies lesson plans (I had 9 total) that had to integrate math and reading into them. I also had to do a bunch of write ups about my lesson plans, such as what standards did I meet, how did I evaluate the students' learning, etc. It was a giant pain. However, I am done with it now and awaiting feedback from my supervising professor. I hope I did well enough on it that there are no corrections needed! I also took over the class last week, the week before Spring Break. Needless to say, that was interesting!! It went better than I thought it would, and I felt good about being in charge of the class all day, everyday. I think it further solidified my goal of becoming a classroom teacher. Next week I am in charge of the class for the two days that I will actually be there. Wednesday and Thursday I am going to be in Greeley for a job fair and Friday the kids don't have school for parent-teacher conferences. I am nervous about the job fair, its my best chance of getting hired somewhere but it seems so impossible to be going against all of the other hundreds of recent grads for the handful of jobs that are out there. I am trying to spend this week getting as ready for the job fair as possible. I have spent a good chunk of time going over my resume again and fixing it up, and also going online and researching schools I might want to teach at. The problem is I would take a job anywhere, I am desperate for a job, so that leaves a lot to be researched.
As far as Eli goes, he is doing amazingly well! He has gotten big, about 30" and 20lbs, he is still TINY for his age, in the 1%ile for weight and the 5%ile for height, but he's healthy and happy. He has started speaking in 3-4 word sentences, which is fun. Its amazing to hear all these words come out of a tiny little boy. He has also recently decided he needs a pacifier! Its the funniest thing because as an infant we could hardly get him to take one, but now he insists he needs it. He goes around asking "Bink, please mama? Have it?" LOL. I have him convinced he can have it at night-night time only. He's ok with that. Eli has also started sleeping through the night, provided he sleeps with me. So he stays up til 9-10 pm and goes to bed with me and gets up at 6ish. He then takes two 2-hour naps a day to compensate for it. I am fine with it, it works for me. He is also used to my dad taking him in the morning because yesterday morning he reached for papa and said "bye mama, see ya later! Loves you!" hahaha he's fun. He also has developed his own sense of fairness....He and Monica (my niece who is 3 weeks older than E) will hit him and he will come to me and yell "Monica hit! NO HITTING!!" hee hee. He is quite the little talker. It will be interesting to see how he adapts to being back in Fort Collins come May. I think he will miss the family, but be glad to have Daddy back. He misses his daddy a lot. After we see Geoff, Eli acts sad for a few days and asks for Daddy a lot. It makes me want to cry. I can't wait to be a family again. Well thats pretty much it for us!
As for me, I have been very busy as well. I finished up my capstone project which was basically an entire unit of social studies lesson plans (I had 9 total) that had to integrate math and reading into them. I also had to do a bunch of write ups about my lesson plans, such as what standards did I meet, how did I evaluate the students' learning, etc. It was a giant pain. However, I am done with it now and awaiting feedback from my supervising professor. I hope I did well enough on it that there are no corrections needed! I also took over the class last week, the week before Spring Break. Needless to say, that was interesting!! It went better than I thought it would, and I felt good about being in charge of the class all day, everyday. I think it further solidified my goal of becoming a classroom teacher. Next week I am in charge of the class for the two days that I will actually be there. Wednesday and Thursday I am going to be in Greeley for a job fair and Friday the kids don't have school for parent-teacher conferences. I am nervous about the job fair, its my best chance of getting hired somewhere but it seems so impossible to be going against all of the other hundreds of recent grads for the handful of jobs that are out there. I am trying to spend this week getting as ready for the job fair as possible. I have spent a good chunk of time going over my resume again and fixing it up, and also going online and researching schools I might want to teach at. The problem is I would take a job anywhere, I am desperate for a job, so that leaves a lot to be researched.
As far as Eli goes, he is doing amazingly well! He has gotten big, about 30" and 20lbs, he is still TINY for his age, in the 1%ile for weight and the 5%ile for height, but he's healthy and happy. He has started speaking in 3-4 word sentences, which is fun. Its amazing to hear all these words come out of a tiny little boy. He has also recently decided he needs a pacifier! Its the funniest thing because as an infant we could hardly get him to take one, but now he insists he needs it. He goes around asking "Bink, please mama? Have it?" LOL. I have him convinced he can have it at night-night time only. He's ok with that. Eli has also started sleeping through the night, provided he sleeps with me. So he stays up til 9-10 pm and goes to bed with me and gets up at 6ish. He then takes two 2-hour naps a day to compensate for it. I am fine with it, it works for me. He is also used to my dad taking him in the morning because yesterday morning he reached for papa and said "bye mama, see ya later! Loves you!" hahaha he's fun. He also has developed his own sense of fairness....He and Monica (my niece who is 3 weeks older than E) will hit him and he will come to me and yell "Monica hit! NO HITTING!!" hee hee. He is quite the little talker. It will be interesting to see how he adapts to being back in Fort Collins come May. I think he will miss the family, but be glad to have Daddy back. He misses his daddy a lot. After we see Geoff, Eli acts sad for a few days and asks for Daddy a lot. It makes me want to cry. I can't wait to be a family again. Well thats pretty much it for us!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A look back and a look forward
Wow, 2011 has officially come to a close. It seems like the beginning of 2011 was a million years ago, not that it was a loooong year in any sense, but a lot happened in 2011. Eli learned to sit up, crawl, walk, got 8 teeth, and STILL doesn't sleep through the night. He has been part of our life for a whole calender year now, and I can't imagine life without him. He is intense, funny, stubborn, silly, goofy, and talkative. He says more words than most 14 month old babies I have ever met. He has had a language explosion lately, and repeats everything I say. (the good and he bad..hehe) The other morning I was getting him ready for the day and I told him we needed to get dressed "dessstt", so we put on his pants "patts!" and sockies on "sockies ON!" he also says mama, dada (which incidentally means cell phone, because we always talk to dada on the phone...so phone became 'dada' not to be confused with 'daddy' which means Geoff!)
-mama
-dada (phone)
-daddy
-becca
-wuv oooo (love you)
-wizzy (lizzy)
-ca-caa (monica)
-chel-chee (Aunt Chelsea)
-Phil
-buddy
-uh oh, oh no
-rice, apple-apple, naanaa(banana), cracker, aba-cad-o (avacado), etts (eggs), cookie
-pants, sockies, dessst (dressed, diapey change, shoes (sooos)
-i know
there is more, but thats the bulk of what I can think of off the top of my head. I spent most of 2011 extremely sleep deprived, so I will leave 2011 with this final thought : I am so grateful that we have the love and support of our families in whatever we do.
On to 2012!
I usually make some half hearted resolution about weight loss or health at the beginning of each year, but not this year. This year is going to be a whirlwind of change for the Robinson family. In my minds eye I can almost see myself sitting with my laptop, a year older, blogging about the end of the year at the beginning of 2013. Here is what the Robinson Family has going on in 2012...
January
-Geoff continues working fulltime at Wal-mart and begins classes on Jan 16th. He is taking 10 credit hours which is the most he has attempted in a few semesters. Everything hinges on him passing those classes because he can't finish his senior year without them IF he passes everything he will be set to quit Wal-mart and go to school full time in the fall of 2012 and spring of 2013. He will graduate in 2013.
-Melissa, I will start student teaching Jan 9. My first day with students is actually the 10th. I will likely spend the first week observing adn getting to know the 3rd graders from Monument Academy.
-Eli will begin a new schedule to accommodate my schedule. He will be at Aunt Chelsea's house on Monday, Thursday and Friday which isnt a big change for him except the hours will be a bit longer. The change is Tuesdays and Wenesdays, he will be going to an in home Montessori style daycare/preschool. The two ladies who run it are wonderful, sweet mamas I met through the cloth diaper shop I hang out at all the time. They each have a daughter, one of them just turned 1 and the other is about 6 months old. They watch a few of the other mama's kids from the diaper store as well, so Eli will be in good company with kids he knows and that are close to his age, and be in the care of two women who are very patient and like minded. I am nervous about leaving him with someone who is not family, but feel very at peace with our decision. I think he will do wonderfully there and I also think its good for Chelsea and the girls to have a break from Eli and vice versa.
February
-not much changes for Geoff. Poor guy will still be trying to balance work and school.
-Me, the biggest change this month is I will be teaching an entire unit to my 3rd graders. I am excited and nervous. Start looking for a job next year!
March
-Geoff has inventory at work at the end of the month. This means he will be working incredibly long hours at work on top of trying to attend class and take midterms. I doubt I will see him this month, even though his birthday is March 10!!
-Me, I will take full control of the class for 2 weeks in March-April. I will do all the lesson planning, teaching, grading, etc. It is going to be a crazy few weeks. In addition to student teaching full time, I will be taking one online class and working on my capstone project which is basically a huge online based collaboration of lessons that I come up with in addition to journaling about myself as a teacher. I have to be observed and critiqued several times and submit it all as a packet when I am done.
April
-Geoff, things should be winding down towards the end of the month. He will likely spend the month scrambling to get caught back up on school work in preparation for finals around the corner!
-Me, I will finish my capstone project, and hand the class back over to my co-operating teacher. My kids will take CSAPs.
May
-Geoff will take finals!! We have also tentatively scheduled a week of vacation in here so we can both breathe a sigh of relief.
-Me, all my paper work is due May 1. Then I have a week or so I think before I start the two online classes I need (my comps) to finish my masters degree!!
June
same, our anniversary is June 5, 4 years married!!
July
same
August
me-finish online classes, hope and pray I have a job!
Sept
hopefully I will be teaching somewhere...we haven't decided where would be best. I think it would be best for Eli to stay in the Springs because we have awesome childcare here and he is already settled. Not to mention he is so attached to my family, and they are to him. BUT Geoff won't be done with school til 2013, so we have that to contend with.
Oct
Eli turns 2!
Nov
same
Dec
same
phew. There is so much going on this year. I hope we can get through it peacefully, patiently and successfully. My biggest wish for this year is that Geoff and I succeed at school and continue to become the best parents for Eli that we can be. My biggest wish for Eli is that he stays happy and healthy and that he always knows how much he is loved.
-mama
-dada (phone)
-daddy
-becca
-wuv oooo (love you)
-wizzy (lizzy)
-ca-caa (monica)
-chel-chee (Aunt Chelsea)
-Phil
-buddy
-uh oh, oh no
-rice, apple-apple, naanaa(banana), cracker, aba-cad-o (avacado), etts (eggs), cookie
-pants, sockies, dessst (dressed, diapey change, shoes (sooos)
-i know
there is more, but thats the bulk of what I can think of off the top of my head. I spent most of 2011 extremely sleep deprived, so I will leave 2011 with this final thought : I am so grateful that we have the love and support of our families in whatever we do.
On to 2012!
I usually make some half hearted resolution about weight loss or health at the beginning of each year, but not this year. This year is going to be a whirlwind of change for the Robinson family. In my minds eye I can almost see myself sitting with my laptop, a year older, blogging about the end of the year at the beginning of 2013. Here is what the Robinson Family has going on in 2012...
January
-Geoff continues working fulltime at Wal-mart and begins classes on Jan 16th. He is taking 10 credit hours which is the most he has attempted in a few semesters. Everything hinges on him passing those classes because he can't finish his senior year without them IF he passes everything he will be set to quit Wal-mart and go to school full time in the fall of 2012 and spring of 2013. He will graduate in 2013.
-Melissa, I will start student teaching Jan 9. My first day with students is actually the 10th. I will likely spend the first week observing adn getting to know the 3rd graders from Monument Academy.
-Eli will begin a new schedule to accommodate my schedule. He will be at Aunt Chelsea's house on Monday, Thursday and Friday which isnt a big change for him except the hours will be a bit longer. The change is Tuesdays and Wenesdays, he will be going to an in home Montessori style daycare/preschool. The two ladies who run it are wonderful, sweet mamas I met through the cloth diaper shop I hang out at all the time. They each have a daughter, one of them just turned 1 and the other is about 6 months old. They watch a few of the other mama's kids from the diaper store as well, so Eli will be in good company with kids he knows and that are close to his age, and be in the care of two women who are very patient and like minded. I am nervous about leaving him with someone who is not family, but feel very at peace with our decision. I think he will do wonderfully there and I also think its good for Chelsea and the girls to have a break from Eli and vice versa.
February
-not much changes for Geoff. Poor guy will still be trying to balance work and school.
-Me, the biggest change this month is I will be teaching an entire unit to my 3rd graders. I am excited and nervous. Start looking for a job next year!
March
-Geoff has inventory at work at the end of the month. This means he will be working incredibly long hours at work on top of trying to attend class and take midterms. I doubt I will see him this month, even though his birthday is March 10!!
-Me, I will take full control of the class for 2 weeks in March-April. I will do all the lesson planning, teaching, grading, etc. It is going to be a crazy few weeks. In addition to student teaching full time, I will be taking one online class and working on my capstone project which is basically a huge online based collaboration of lessons that I come up with in addition to journaling about myself as a teacher. I have to be observed and critiqued several times and submit it all as a packet when I am done.
April
-Geoff, things should be winding down towards the end of the month. He will likely spend the month scrambling to get caught back up on school work in preparation for finals around the corner!
-Me, I will finish my capstone project, and hand the class back over to my co-operating teacher. My kids will take CSAPs.
May
-Geoff will take finals!! We have also tentatively scheduled a week of vacation in here so we can both breathe a sigh of relief.
-Me, all my paper work is due May 1. Then I have a week or so I think before I start the two online classes I need (my comps) to finish my masters degree!!
June
same, our anniversary is June 5, 4 years married!!
July
same
August
me-finish online classes, hope and pray I have a job!
Sept
hopefully I will be teaching somewhere...we haven't decided where would be best. I think it would be best for Eli to stay in the Springs because we have awesome childcare here and he is already settled. Not to mention he is so attached to my family, and they are to him. BUT Geoff won't be done with school til 2013, so we have that to contend with.
Oct
Eli turns 2!
Nov
same
Dec
same
phew. There is so much going on this year. I hope we can get through it peacefully, patiently and successfully. My biggest wish for this year is that Geoff and I succeed at school and continue to become the best parents for Eli that we can be. My biggest wish for Eli is that he stays happy and healthy and that he always knows how much he is loved.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
My Take On Why Attachment Parenting Sucks Sometimes
A dear friend of mine posted a link to this blog yesterday and it really touched me. I have been struggling with parenting Eli solo. I feel like I have been as dedicated to attachment parenting as anyone. And I feel like it sucks sometimes. To clarify for those who may not be familiar with attachment parenting it is a style of parenting in which you follow your deepest instincts, without following any baby trainer books or other arbitrary rules of parenting. It is supposed to bring out the best in baby and mom according to Dr. Sears website. (Dr. Sear's coined the phrase "attachment parenting", although the idea was proposed years before by different doctors.)
The following are the "rules" or "guidelines" of being an AP (attachment parent)
The following are the "rules" or "guidelines" of being an AP (attachment parent)
1. Birth bonding
2. Breastfeeding
3. Babywearing
4. Bedding close to baby
5. Belief in the language value of your baby's cry
6. Beware of baby trainers
7. Balance
- AP is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules. It's actually the style that many parents use instinctively. Parenting is too individual and baby too complex for there to be only one way. The important point is to get connected to your baby, and the baby B's of attachment parenting help. Once connected, stick with what is working and modify what is not. You will ultimately develop your own parenting style that helps parent and baby find a way to fit – the little word that so economically describes the relationship between parent and baby.
- AP is responsive parenting. By becoming sensitive to the cues of your infant, you learn to read your baby's level of need. Because baby trusts that his needs will be met and his language listened to, the infant trusts in his ability to give cues. As a result, baby becomes a better cue-giver, parents become better cue-readers, and the whole parent-child communication network becomes easier.
The above is all copied from this website by Dr. Sears. I want to address them each in turn and see where I fall on the AP parenting scale.
1. Birth bonding- I had an informed c-section, but I got to hold Eli as soon as I was able to sit up at all. I don't feel like I got to hold him very long. I don't remember. I know I did get to nurse him in the recovery room, and that was pretty successful. I also feel like this is the most practical of the 7, because unless there is some unforeseen, uncontrollable circumstance there is no reason for a baby and a mama to be separated immediately after birth. So I give myself an A for that one.
2. Breastfeeding-Eli has never had formula, and is still breastfeeding at 14 months old so I give myself an A on that part of it... but I know a lot of AP parents that read that as "breastfeeding on demand" which worked when Eli was tiny, but now if I nursed on demand everytime he asked, my boobs would hang out all day everyday because he likes to latch on for a few seconds then run off. Its like a "Squirrel!" moment (from the Disney movie, UP!???" anyway, I have had to go to setting limits and enforcing manners when it comes to breastfeeding. One friend of mine put it well, she said "Its the first set of table manners they learn". I like it. So a A- for this one.
3. Babywearing-I love babywearing. Eli is high touch most of the time and refuses to ride quietly in a stroller or basket at the store, so in order to shop peacefully I dont mind wearing him. Its also nice to have baby cuddles :o) the only negative about this is my back HURTS right now. Also, as he starts walking more he is constantly up and down, but I think thats probably normal. I give myself an A
4. Bedding close to baby-this is where I start to fail. For the first 6ish months of Eli's life we had an Arm's reach co-sleeper. My mom bought it for me on the way home from the hospital because I couldn't imagine leaving this tiny squish alone in his room. We slept OK for about the first 4 months. He woke frequently to nurse, and since I was hell bent on succeeding at breastfeeding, I nursed him every time he made a peep. Then we discovered side-lying nursing. I thought "Oh! This is great, I can sleep and nurse at the same time!!" Worst. Mistake. Ever. All it did was teach him that he can and should be latched on all night long, and I never got any real sleep that way. I'd doze off into this sort of trance like state, but could never enter real, deep sleep with Eli attached to me. So at 6 months we tried moving him back to his bed. Epic fail. I cant count the hours I spent in his room rocking him or holding him because I was a good AP mama, I couldn't let him cry it out! (CIO) I bought Elizabeth Pantleys No Cry Sleep Solution and tried that for about a month. I have never been more tired in my life. The program has good merits, and for a less determined child it might actually work, but for Eli it was the same amount of waking but now I was out of bed to deal with it. So back in our bed he went until he was about 8 months old and I had had it. He was up every 45 minutes looking for the boob. I finally gave in and put him in his bed for one night and made him cry it out. I sat on the phone with my mom, bawling my eyes out while he cried for an hour. We checked on him every 10 minutes or so, but it gutted me. I hated it. I dont know if our sleeping problems would have been solved if I had been more dedicated to co sleeping or if I had given in and let him CIO. I'll never know.
Fast forward to a year. He has been sleeping in his crib now for the past 4ish months, but still waking frequently. He has been cutting teeth so he has been back and forth from my bed to his. Some nights he sleeps fine in my bed, sleeping 4-5 hours at a time. Other nights he tosses and turns and talks and giggles and wants to lay on top of me, and screams to nurse and so on. Its frustrating. I wish he would just settle in my bed and sleep because we would both be much happier. Sometimes I get touched out and extremely sore from Eli sleeping right up against me, but if he would actually sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, I'd be all for it. Right now my mom has agreed to get up with Eli from 9-3. Which seems long, but I truly believe Eli is capable of sleeping that long. I am considering Dr. Jay Gordons' method of night weaning too...but thats another post. So a C- for co-sleeping.
5. Belief in the language value of your baby's cry-with the exception of that one night, I have never let Eli CIO. I love cuddling him, nursing him, and spending time with him. BUT I was also under the impression that babies who are raised AP dont cry as much because there is no reason to. Their cries are always met, so there is no reason to cry, right? Wrong. Eli cries more than any baby I've ever met. He has been checked over, and there is nothing medically wrong with him. He just cries a lot. I dont understand it and I feel like a failure because of it. He is an intense, demanding baby that requires an immense amount of time and patience. I am frustrated because I feel drained, and he still needs so much from me. I always hesitate to let Eli cry unattended because I am afraid there is always something wrong. Sometimes I don't know what is wrong that night, but in the morning I see that he is cutting a new tooth, or is really gassy, or he's cold or hungry or whatever. BUT my patience at night is wearing thin. I am so incredibly burned out. Its been at least 14 months since I have slept through the night...probably longer than that because the last few months of my pregnancy were hell. So a B+ for that.
6. Beware of baby trainers-I see this. Ferber or Weisblueth would have you leave your baby to cry himself to sleep at 4 months or so. I can't honestly see that working. I have to say I have been tempted but have never had the heart for it. So I get an A.
7. Balance- I can say straight up front I get a big fat F for this one. I have no time for anything else. I frantically scramble to get homework done if Eli goes to sleep before he wakes up. I drag my tired body of out bed and rush to shower before he wakes up. My whole life seems structured around his sleeping and waking patterns. I dont know if thats normal or not but I can honestly say I feel exhausted. I am tired of not sleeping more than 3 hours at a time on a good night. I have no time for myself or friends or my husband. My mom has agreed to help me with Eli over night more because she can see how drained I am. I am starting to feel resentful and angry. I don't like feeling that way about my child. I feel like I have done EVERYTHING according to the stupid AP parenting philosophy and I am still failing. I try to meet his needs and be sensitive to what he needs and it never seems like its enough. I dont know what to do at this point.
Overall the philosophy of attachment parenting seems sound, but I have to wonder if I am responsible for Eli's neediness and demanding personality. If I had done something differently would he sleep better? Would I? I dont know.
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