Its been a month a few days since I had my little man! I cant believe how fast the time has gone, I feel like just a few days ago we were sitting in the hospital holding him, changing his diaper for the first time, and trying to figure out this parent thing. Here I am now, curled up on the couch, still changing diapers, wondering where the month went. A lot has changed in my life in the last month. As I type, Eli is fighting his hardest not to doze off in my arms, and his daddy is switching out the washer so he'll have clean dipes tomorrow! We've been doing cloth for the past two weeks or so and I really like it so far. Today was one of my first experiences with cloth in public, and it was a little more difficult to change him but we got it. I just ordered some pocket diapers, which are structured like a disposable (and more trim) for use in the diaper bag and for ease of use for people who dont cloth. I cant wait to get those in! I ordered four Thirsties Duo Diapers because we are using the Duo Covers and LOVE them...so I thought we should try the diapers too. I also ordered another snappi and another pail liner. We didnt HAVE to have another pail liner, but since we wash his diapers every 2-3 days, and the liner takes a day or so to dry, it will be much easier to have another one in rotation. I am very interested in trying wool diaper covers sometime soon, but they are expensive and strictly speaking, we're broke.
Speaking of being broke, my mom and sister came up today with my nieces and we did some shopping for Christmas. It was nice, my mom bought the kids several books for Christmas. I would rather have books than clothes or toys for him anyway!! I love to read to him, and he usually sits quietly and listens. I dont know how much of it he takes in, but I think its good for him to learn to appreciate books while he's little. My mom and dad were also up here on Sunday and bought him some clothes. Everything we bought him is a 0-3 or just 3 month size, because he's a month old and just starting to fit his newborn stuff perfectly :o) His cloth butt helps, because he's skinny and the cloth is bulky so it holds his pants up! It was fun to get some real clothes for him too, since he's mostly only worn sleepers since that's all I had for him until now.
My 6 week check-up is coming up, and I am sort of nervous. I dont know why, just am. On a positive note, I have lost 33lbs since delivery!! And I only gained 11lbs total with him, so I am -22lbs since I got pregnant. I am going to have to work super hard to keep it off now though since my diet has changed. Or can change. I was on a very low fat diet due to gallbladder attacks but I had my gallbladder out on November 5.
Oh, the gallbladder. How I hate thee. I was told at 27 weeks pregnant that my gallbladder was bad. We ended up in the ER for it because I was having shooting, stabbing, burning pain in my chest and right shoulder and we could not figure out why. I sucked it up all day and Geoff ordered us pizza for dinner that night. One slice of pizza later we were on our way to the ER, it was that bad. The discharge instructions for the pain were to stay on a low fat diet, and avoid animal fats in particular. OK...not so bad right? Until a few weeks later when I had a roast beef sandwich (very low fat!!) and ended up back in the ER. I dont know how to describe gallbladder pain...but I'll try. It feels like someone reached inside your chest and is squeezing your insides as hard as they can. It is excruciating to breath or cough, I personally couldnt handle sitting or laying back on it, and it felt like I was on fire. On top of that, I usually would vomit and shake and get dizzy and sweaty and so on. I can honestly say I would rather be in labor than have gallbladder pain. My midwife compared it to kidney stones, now I've never had one so I dont know, but I've heard they're painful. Anyway...4 or 5 hospital visits for gallbladder pains from 27 weeks pregnant til delivery. In the hospital a surgeon came by and spoke to me about it. She recommended having it out because it would likely flare up with any other pregnancies I had and so on. She didnt think it would be a problem though as long as I wasnt pregnant and any possible flare ups would be manageable at home. HAHAHA....right. I had three flare ups in a week. Two ended in massive doses of percocet. After the second bad one, I called the surgeon at 3 am and insisted on being patched through to the on call doctor to get surgery figured out ASAP. He told me to come into the office in the morning (thursday) and we'd schedule it! So my mom came up to help with the baby. My appointment was at 11am and went well. He was hesitant at first since my c-section was not quite a month old yet, but I told him I had already had two flareups since delivery and could not function anymore. He reluctantly agreed and scheduled surgery for the next day. We left the office and stopped at Jimmy Johns for a sandwich real fast on our way to the hospital to pre-register. I had a plain turkey sandwich on white bread. Thats it, turkey, and bread. At the hospital I started having pain and by the time we left I was almost in tears. We got home and I took two percocet right away. An hour and a half later I was pacing the house, trying not to scream in pain and my mom crushed another percocet for me to try. Half an hour later, we were back in the ER. I was devastated. My mom had to drive my car since Eli's car seat was installed in it already and she couldnt move Liz's car seat out of hers. Geoff was in Denver. Eli was hungry, but thank God I already had the foresight to have bottles frozen for him. My mom packed up a bottle and took me into the ER. Once we got there, they had to stick me 7 times to get the IV started because my veins were so clinched down because I was in so much pain. At this point Eli started fussing to be fed and I sat in bed and bawled like a baby while my mom fed him with a bottle because I was in so much pain, I couldn't tend to my son. I literally felt like crawling out of my skin. They brought a pump down from Labor and Delivery for me to pump, but I gave in first and took the pain meds first so I had to dump my milk. I have never felt so useless in life than in that moment. They got me stable and sent me home. My mom and dad spent the night so they could be with Eli the next day for surgery.
The next day, Geoff and I had to be at the hospital at 6:30am for 8am operating time. The doctor assured Geoff that I would only need a lot of help for the first 24 hours or so and I'd be back on my feet. Liar. He didnt account for the fact that my c-section hadnt healed all the way yet because I am miserable. Surgery went well and they sent me home at noon or so the same day. The first night was hell, I couldnt hardly function or get in or out of bed by myself. My husband is a heavy sleeper too, so he was not really any help. Since then I have been sleeping on the couch because its easier for me to get off of by myself. Eli has a co-sleeper bassinet that we wheeled out into the living room for me too. The doctor called to check on me today and mentioned that he forgot about the c-section when he was giving Geoff my post op instructions and was wondering how I was doing since I had two major surgeries in a month. Sigh. I have to say, thank god for my parents!! They have been up here a lot helping out with the baby. No one really understands how much pain I am still in, or how hard it is to rest and recover from both the c-section and gallbladder surgery with an infant at home. Eli is a good baby, but holy smokes I am hurting. I think that is the most frustrating part of all of this. I am in so much pain and so tired of begging Geoff to do stuff for me. He says he doesnt mind, but I can understand and read his frustration when he has to stop what he's doing to get me drink of water, or get up to hand me the baby because I cant stand up with him in my arms or bend over and pick him up. I am angry that I am struggling with it so much and that I even need so much help. I would rather do it myself and not have to ask. But I can't. So my poor husband is once again stuck taking care of his invalid wife. Its been hard...and I am really worried about what the medical bills are going to look like. I have already starting looking for a job so we will be ok. I dont know what I can do that will be worth me working and having to leave Eli, but we're beyond broke. I have to figure something out so we can pay off his birth and my multiple hospital visits + surgery. I feel like a worthless hypochondriac. I hate being sick or going to the hospital and medically, its been a rough year for me, and I have incurred thousands of dollars in medical bills. I am hoping I can find some sort of part time job on the weekends and evenings so I can help pay them down. Its gonna suck though. I will work when Geoff's gone and we will never see each other. Oh well, thats the price you pay for having a baby and having bills I guess. I am hoping I can afford to go back to school in the fall somehow... because if I can finish my degree then I can teach which would pay the bills. Of course there is still a question of what to do with my little man...day care is expensive folks! Oh well, I cant get to worked up about it right now. I am going to go to bed.
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