no cry sleep solution?? Yes please!

I. Am. Tired. Eli's sleep habits have gone from bad to worse. When I was pregnant I was excited to meet this little boy. I lovingly set up his crib, washed his crib sheets, obsessed over whether or not go get bumpers (SIDS risk?) and changed the sheet on his bed 3 or 4 times before he ever arrived. Once he got here, he did not want to sleep anywhere except our arms, and I was OK with that. He spent most of the time in the hospital in our arms. I remember sitting in the hospital bed and his pediatrician telling me how important it was that Eli had his own sleep space, and never, ever bring him to our bed...hahaha I remember telling my mom, in panicked tears that I couldnt possibly take him home and leave this tiny little man alone in his big, empty, lonely crib!!
My mom laughed at me, and went out and bought an Arm's reach co-sleeper. I have to say, for the first 2-3 months, it was AWESOME! I would sit up in bed, nurse him and lay my sleepy boy back in his bed, right next to me! It was bliss! (cue the Jaws music) Until he hit about 3 months or so. Then he started refusing to go back to sleep in his bed. He'd scream and scream and thrash about until I picked him up and tucked him into bed with me. Ok..I can handle this. I love co-sleeping! I love having this tiny little guy curled up with me at night!! Then he started waking up every 45 minutes or less. Great, now no one is sleeping. Geoff has set up camp on the couch and is not coming back to bed til we figure something else out.
I am frustrated. I am angry. I am TIRED. I want to co sleep. I want to have Eli next to me at night, nursing on demand and sleeping blissfully. I remember telling my mom (who warned me to lay Eli down as a newborn to sleep...) "I waited 9 months to hold him! I'm not putting him down now!" *palm to forehead*
So, after asking Eli's ped. if there could possibly be anything medically wrong with our sweet, precious, screaming terror of a child (its like magic, cue bed time and he's a screaming, thrashing, back-arching, inconsolable terror!!) Theres not. He is just a strong willed child. So Geoff and I went out and bought The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Basically she has four parts to her method.
1) Routine, routine, routine. Both nap and night time sleep needs a routine and schedule. Not rigid, but baby needs to know what comes next
2) watch your child for the first sign of sleepiness and spring #1 into action
3) introduce a lovey, this comfort item will (hopefully) help soothe them back to sleep in your absence
4) stick to your plan, it may take a week of soothing them back to bed every hour but stick with it for 10 days and re-evaluate.

Our plan is to transition him to his crib starting tonight. I hate this idea, but last night he was screaming his head off, he wouldnt nurse and was crying because he was sooo tired. Out of frustration and (I'm ashamed to admit) anger, I pushed him into his co-sleeper, stuck his paci in his screaming mouth and left the room. I came out and cried in Geoff's arms for a minute and then realized silence was coming from the bedroom...Eli was out! Magic! No crying! No bouncing, rocking, shhing, walking, nursing, wash rinse repeat. He just needed me to leave him along long enough to sleep. Geoff and I sat up for an hour talking and Eli slept the whole time. Once I (carefully) crawled back into bed and started to doze off...yep. He woke up. And woke up almost every hour for the rest of the night. I think I am waking him up everytime I shift, move, snore etc. He wakes me up everytime he stretches, fusses, moves. So we wind each other up. Not good. I thought about transitioning him back to the co-sleeper, but he's starting to outgrow it, and I dont think my night time shifting would stop bothering him. I want to go through this once. So I write this blog post out of frustration, exhaustion and a sense of disappointment. I desperately wanted to attachment parent. I really want my baby boy close by at night. But I also want to sleep in order to be a good mama. Another AP thing that does not work for us, is babywearing at home. He LOVES being worn out and about, but HATES it at home. He gets bored, frustrated and tired. So I fail on 2/7 "rules" of APing...ah well. I think in the end, attachment parenting is about parenting in the most sensitive, positive way for YOUR child. My child is a light sleeper, and stubborn. If he knows I am right there, he wants me. He wants to coo, play and nurse all night long and he gets mad at me for his being tired. So, starting tonight...he will sleep in his crib. I hope.
ETA: the book does include a section for cosleeping, breastfeeding mamas. She recommends not reacting to his every noise, which I dont. She recommends pushing him away a bit, which I do. Neither works for him. So the crib it is. For now, he naps in his swing, but we may work on that too at some point....we'll see.