Eli is almost 10 weeks old! Time has really flown by these past few weeks. The next few weeks are going to be intense and stressful, as we approach Christmas we have a big event every weekend from now til the first of the year. This coming weekend is my best friends wedding, and I am making her wedding cake. It is a three tier ivory cake with black ribbon and red roses. I will post pics as I get it done! I am hoping and praying Eli co-operates over the next few days in order to let me finish it! Today I got all the butter cream made, and one of the 14" rounds. Tomorrow I hope to get the rest of the cake baking done. It should be pretty easy to do between Eli's naps and stuff. He is a pretty good napper during the morning, he seems to like to sleep between 10-12. On Wednesday I am going to get all the fondant made, and hopefully on Thursday get the assembly done. We have to deliver the cake on Friday by two. The problem with that is Geoff has a final that has to be turned in by noon that day, so I am really, really hoping he gets it done in time so we're not late...I am gonna be pissed if we are. I know finals are important, but my friend only gets married once, ya know?
Any way, onto Eli. He is a good baby mostly. I hate to use that qualifier "good" or "bad" because no baby is bad IMO. He is settling into a loose sort of schedule, he gets up around 7-8, nurses, cuddles and naps some more. Around 10 or so he eats again and then takes a long nap. Then he eats AGAIN and is usually awake for a little while. He is smiling and cooing and actually laughed out loud at me tonight. He is a lot of fun :o) He is going through what I hope is phase right now though...every night between 4 and 6 until 8 or so he screams his freaking head off and is completely inconsolable. I love him to death, but I have almost lost it with him on nights when he is like that. I hate being screamed at like that. It doesnt matter what I do, or what Geoff does he just screams. Sometimes I can get him to nurse and cuddle down and go to sleep that way but usually he is just impossible. One thing that seems to make a difference is this song I'm Yours/Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Straight No Chaser. It has a sort of reggae sound to it, and is sung by a talented acapella group. It has about a 75% success rate with him. I had a doctors appointment this past week to be seen for PPD. My doc doesnt think its serious, but definitely there. I think its because I feel alone in this. I dont have any mama friends really, and the ones I have I am not super close to or they live far away. Geoff is at work a lot, and I am home a lot. I dont do well being alone with him all the time. I love him, but dont love being stuck in the house. She recommended getting out as much as possible, even if I go for a walk or something. She also recommended coffee with friends or social interaction of some sort. Thats hard too because a lot of my friends work full time and I am not super close to anyone in foco. bah. Oh well. This too shall pass right?
Next weekend is Christmas, and we are going down to our parents house for it, and the weekend after that Geoff's grandparents are coming out from Missouri to meet Eli. I am excited for them to see their great-grandson. I never had grandparents to speak of, so its important to me that he does. Damn, the baby is fussing, I'll post more later
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
moments of silence
My sweet boy is 6 weeks old today! Right now he is fast asleep in my lap, inside the Boppy. Its been a long 6 weeks with him, but on the same token I feel like we were just in the hospital with him. I guess because of the gallbladder thing I sort of missed the first week of November, I was shocked the other day to look up and see it was November 12. Lately I have been feeling a lot of frustration and hopelessness. I dont know if it is postpartum depression, or just the fact that the honeymoon period is over and reality is setting in that I now have this tiny life dependent completely on me for everything and I am unable to take care of him. We are breastfeeding and cloth diapering in an effort to save money, but its not enough. The fact is that I am going to have to go back to work in January and leave him. And it breaks my heart to think of someone else being there for his first coos, the first time he rolls over, the first time he crawls and maybe the first time he talks. I want to be the one he smiles at first, the one he says his first words to and so on. I am not sure how we can afford daycare either...I am probably going to have to work full time in order to make enough to pay for daycare and to bring in any income. I have been looking at our budget because almost everyone insists we can save money by me not working, and we can cut things down to a bare minimum so I can stay home and so on...reality is that its not true. I have to work. The numbers on the page just dont add up. And by working, I will have to leave my son for someone else to raise. I want to find a way to make money from home, but I cant figure out what sort of skills I have that would bring any income in. Sigh.
On top of that, my health has been crappy lately. I guess not my "health" but physically, I am struggling a lot. My body is trying to heal from two major surgeries in the span of a month, and take care of a newborn. Eli is a great baby, I couldnt ask for anyone sweeter or easier, but he's still a newborn with newborn needs and frustrations. He is currently going through a growth spurt so he's wanting to eat every 1.5-3 hours. Last night for example, he ate at 8pm and we were going to put him to bed. By 9:40 he was up again. So he ate again. At 1am he ate, then again at 3:15, 5:30, 7:00, 8:30 and 9:50. He then slept (thankfully) while I was at my doctors appointment getting my stitches removed. He ate when we got home at 11, and again at 1 and is now asleep. He's gotta be exhausted too! Luckily, breastfeeding is going well, He latches on just fine most of the time and eats well. I am struggling with it becasue I feel like I spend so much time feeding him I have zero time to do anything else. Even eating lunch some days is an achievement. I guess I just feel like my hands are tied, there is nothing I can do to fix it. I cant fix our finances by cleaning the house more, I cant feed Eli and pay our bills, I cant even get laundry done most days. I feel like I am drowning and there is no one to pull me out. I dont even feel like I have Geoff's support either. I mean, I know he loves me and the baby but he gets frustrated with Eli easily, therefore I have him 99% of the time. Even the day after my surgery, he would not wake up and get out of bed and change Eli's diaper for me. He slept til 1 in the afternoon the day after my surgery and has been no help to me, at all. I understand there's not much he can do and he is also working fulltime during the busiest time of the year for retail and trying to pass his classes. Its just hard for me to have the baby 100% of the time, or it was I guess the past two weeks. I am healing very well now and Eli and I are in a routine and most days are enjoyable. He's not done well in school the past few semesters which is why I have a degree and he doesnt. At the same time, he is frustrated with my situation because I actually have my degree, but for all intent and purposes its worthless. I mean, it got me into grad school but that costs money too.
Speaking of school, in the fall I am planning on going back in the fall because, at least last semester, they were offering me $20,000 in aid. That is more than I made a year at Whole Foods most of the time. That should hopefully be enough for us to live on in conjunction with Geoff's salary. Eli will be a year old then, and I will be slightly more comfortable putting him in daycare. And, if I finish my practicum quickly, I will only have class two or three days a week, and the rest of the time I will be home with my boy. The following semester (spring 2011) I will hopefully be student teaching, and again Eli will have to go to daycare. I hate the idea of him ever being in daycare, but I especially hate the idea of him being in day care at the tender age of 3 months :o( It breaks my heart thinking of it, and I feel tears burning my eyes as I type it out. I am not sure what our future holds and am trying not to slip into a state of despair while I wait to see how it unfolds.
If you read this, please dont think I dont love my husband or my son, it was just an outpouring of the jumble of thoughts in my head. Journaling has always been therapeutic for me and it does my soul good to get it all out.
On top of that, my health has been crappy lately. I guess not my "health" but physically, I am struggling a lot. My body is trying to heal from two major surgeries in the span of a month, and take care of a newborn. Eli is a great baby, I couldnt ask for anyone sweeter or easier, but he's still a newborn with newborn needs and frustrations. He is currently going through a growth spurt so he's wanting to eat every 1.5-3 hours. Last night for example, he ate at 8pm and we were going to put him to bed. By 9:40 he was up again. So he ate again. At 1am he ate, then again at 3:15, 5:30, 7:00, 8:30 and 9:50. He then slept (thankfully) while I was at my doctors appointment getting my stitches removed. He ate when we got home at 11, and again at 1 and is now asleep. He's gotta be exhausted too! Luckily, breastfeeding is going well, He latches on just fine most of the time and eats well. I am struggling with it becasue I feel like I spend so much time feeding him I have zero time to do anything else. Even eating lunch some days is an achievement. I guess I just feel like my hands are tied, there is nothing I can do to fix it. I cant fix our finances by cleaning the house more, I cant feed Eli and pay our bills, I cant even get laundry done most days. I feel like I am drowning and there is no one to pull me out. I dont even feel like I have Geoff's support either. I mean, I know he loves me and the baby but he gets frustrated with Eli easily, therefore I have him 99% of the time. Even the day after my surgery, he would not wake up and get out of bed and change Eli's diaper for me. He slept til 1 in the afternoon the day after my surgery and has been no help to me, at all. I understand there's not much he can do and he is also working fulltime during the busiest time of the year for retail and trying to pass his classes. Its just hard for me to have the baby 100% of the time, or it was I guess the past two weeks. I am healing very well now and Eli and I are in a routine and most days are enjoyable. He's not done well in school the past few semesters which is why I have a degree and he doesnt. At the same time, he is frustrated with my situation because I actually have my degree, but for all intent and purposes its worthless. I mean, it got me into grad school but that costs money too.
Speaking of school, in the fall I am planning on going back in the fall because, at least last semester, they were offering me $20,000 in aid. That is more than I made a year at Whole Foods most of the time. That should hopefully be enough for us to live on in conjunction with Geoff's salary. Eli will be a year old then, and I will be slightly more comfortable putting him in daycare. And, if I finish my practicum quickly, I will only have class two or three days a week, and the rest of the time I will be home with my boy. The following semester (spring 2011) I will hopefully be student teaching, and again Eli will have to go to daycare. I hate the idea of him ever being in daycare, but I especially hate the idea of him being in day care at the tender age of 3 months :o( It breaks my heart thinking of it, and I feel tears burning my eyes as I type it out. I am not sure what our future holds and am trying not to slip into a state of despair while I wait to see how it unfolds.
If you read this, please dont think I dont love my husband or my son, it was just an outpouring of the jumble of thoughts in my head. Journaling has always been therapeutic for me and it does my soul good to get it all out.
Monday, November 8, 2010
a month (or so) postpartum
Its been a month a few days since I had my little man! I cant believe how fast the time has gone, I feel like just a few days ago we were sitting in the hospital holding him, changing his diaper for the first time, and trying to figure out this parent thing. Here I am now, curled up on the couch, still changing diapers, wondering where the month went. A lot has changed in my life in the last month. As I type, Eli is fighting his hardest not to doze off in my arms, and his daddy is switching out the washer so he'll have clean dipes tomorrow! We've been doing cloth for the past two weeks or so and I really like it so far. Today was one of my first experiences with cloth in public, and it was a little more difficult to change him but we got it. I just ordered some pocket diapers, which are structured like a disposable (and more trim) for use in the diaper bag and for ease of use for people who dont cloth. I cant wait to get those in! I ordered four Thirsties Duo Diapers because we are using the Duo Covers and LOVE them...so I thought we should try the diapers too. I also ordered another snappi and another pail liner. We didnt HAVE to have another pail liner, but since we wash his diapers every 2-3 days, and the liner takes a day or so to dry, it will be much easier to have another one in rotation. I am very interested in trying wool diaper covers sometime soon, but they are expensive and strictly speaking, we're broke.
Speaking of being broke, my mom and sister came up today with my nieces and we did some shopping for Christmas. It was nice, my mom bought the kids several books for Christmas. I would rather have books than clothes or toys for him anyway!! I love to read to him, and he usually sits quietly and listens. I dont know how much of it he takes in, but I think its good for him to learn to appreciate books while he's little. My mom and dad were also up here on Sunday and bought him some clothes. Everything we bought him is a 0-3 or just 3 month size, because he's a month old and just starting to fit his newborn stuff perfectly :o) His cloth butt helps, because he's skinny and the cloth is bulky so it holds his pants up! It was fun to get some real clothes for him too, since he's mostly only worn sleepers since that's all I had for him until now.
My 6 week check-up is coming up, and I am sort of nervous. I dont know why, just am. On a positive note, I have lost 33lbs since delivery!! And I only gained 11lbs total with him, so I am -22lbs since I got pregnant. I am going to have to work super hard to keep it off now though since my diet has changed. Or can change. I was on a very low fat diet due to gallbladder attacks but I had my gallbladder out on November 5.
Oh, the gallbladder. How I hate thee. I was told at 27 weeks pregnant that my gallbladder was bad. We ended up in the ER for it because I was having shooting, stabbing, burning pain in my chest and right shoulder and we could not figure out why. I sucked it up all day and Geoff ordered us pizza for dinner that night. One slice of pizza later we were on our way to the ER, it was that bad. The discharge instructions for the pain were to stay on a low fat diet, and avoid animal fats in particular. OK...not so bad right? Until a few weeks later when I had a roast beef sandwich (very low fat!!) and ended up back in the ER. I dont know how to describe gallbladder pain...but I'll try. It feels like someone reached inside your chest and is squeezing your insides as hard as they can. It is excruciating to breath or cough, I personally couldnt handle sitting or laying back on it, and it felt like I was on fire. On top of that, I usually would vomit and shake and get dizzy and sweaty and so on. I can honestly say I would rather be in labor than have gallbladder pain. My midwife compared it to kidney stones, now I've never had one so I dont know, but I've heard they're painful. Anyway...4 or 5 hospital visits for gallbladder pains from 27 weeks pregnant til delivery. In the hospital a surgeon came by and spoke to me about it. She recommended having it out because it would likely flare up with any other pregnancies I had and so on. She didnt think it would be a problem though as long as I wasnt pregnant and any possible flare ups would be manageable at home. HAHAHA....right. I had three flare ups in a week. Two ended in massive doses of percocet. After the second bad one, I called the surgeon at 3 am and insisted on being patched through to the on call doctor to get surgery figured out ASAP. He told me to come into the office in the morning (thursday) and we'd schedule it! So my mom came up to help with the baby. My appointment was at 11am and went well. He was hesitant at first since my c-section was not quite a month old yet, but I told him I had already had two flareups since delivery and could not function anymore. He reluctantly agreed and scheduled surgery for the next day. We left the office and stopped at Jimmy Johns for a sandwich real fast on our way to the hospital to pre-register. I had a plain turkey sandwich on white bread. Thats it, turkey, and bread. At the hospital I started having pain and by the time we left I was almost in tears. We got home and I took two percocet right away. An hour and a half later I was pacing the house, trying not to scream in pain and my mom crushed another percocet for me to try. Half an hour later, we were back in the ER. I was devastated. My mom had to drive my car since Eli's car seat was installed in it already and she couldnt move Liz's car seat out of hers. Geoff was in Denver. Eli was hungry, but thank God I already had the foresight to have bottles frozen for him. My mom packed up a bottle and took me into the ER. Once we got there, they had to stick me 7 times to get the IV started because my veins were so clinched down because I was in so much pain. At this point Eli started fussing to be fed and I sat in bed and bawled like a baby while my mom fed him with a bottle because I was in so much pain, I couldn't tend to my son. I literally felt like crawling out of my skin. They brought a pump down from Labor and Delivery for me to pump, but I gave in first and took the pain meds first so I had to dump my milk. I have never felt so useless in life than in that moment. They got me stable and sent me home. My mom and dad spent the night so they could be with Eli the next day for surgery.
The next day, Geoff and I had to be at the hospital at 6:30am for 8am operating time. The doctor assured Geoff that I would only need a lot of help for the first 24 hours or so and I'd be back on my feet. Liar. He didnt account for the fact that my c-section hadnt healed all the way yet because I am miserable. Surgery went well and they sent me home at noon or so the same day. The first night was hell, I couldnt hardly function or get in or out of bed by myself. My husband is a heavy sleeper too, so he was not really any help. Since then I have been sleeping on the couch because its easier for me to get off of by myself. Eli has a co-sleeper bassinet that we wheeled out into the living room for me too. The doctor called to check on me today and mentioned that he forgot about the c-section when he was giving Geoff my post op instructions and was wondering how I was doing since I had two major surgeries in a month. Sigh. I have to say, thank god for my parents!! They have been up here a lot helping out with the baby. No one really understands how much pain I am still in, or how hard it is to rest and recover from both the c-section and gallbladder surgery with an infant at home. Eli is a good baby, but holy smokes I am hurting. I think that is the most frustrating part of all of this. I am in so much pain and so tired of begging Geoff to do stuff for me. He says he doesnt mind, but I can understand and read his frustration when he has to stop what he's doing to get me drink of water, or get up to hand me the baby because I cant stand up with him in my arms or bend over and pick him up. I am angry that I am struggling with it so much and that I even need so much help. I would rather do it myself and not have to ask. But I can't. So my poor husband is once again stuck taking care of his invalid wife. Its been hard...and I am really worried about what the medical bills are going to look like. I have already starting looking for a job so we will be ok. I dont know what I can do that will be worth me working and having to leave Eli, but we're beyond broke. I have to figure something out so we can pay off his birth and my multiple hospital visits + surgery. I feel like a worthless hypochondriac. I hate being sick or going to the hospital and medically, its been a rough year for me, and I have incurred thousands of dollars in medical bills. I am hoping I can find some sort of part time job on the weekends and evenings so I can help pay them down. Its gonna suck though. I will work when Geoff's gone and we will never see each other. Oh well, thats the price you pay for having a baby and having bills I guess. I am hoping I can afford to go back to school in the fall somehow... because if I can finish my degree then I can teach which would pay the bills. Of course there is still a question of what to do with my little man...day care is expensive folks! Oh well, I cant get to worked up about it right now. I am going to go to bed.
Speaking of being broke, my mom and sister came up today with my nieces and we did some shopping for Christmas. It was nice, my mom bought the kids several books for Christmas. I would rather have books than clothes or toys for him anyway!! I love to read to him, and he usually sits quietly and listens. I dont know how much of it he takes in, but I think its good for him to learn to appreciate books while he's little. My mom and dad were also up here on Sunday and bought him some clothes. Everything we bought him is a 0-3 or just 3 month size, because he's a month old and just starting to fit his newborn stuff perfectly :o) His cloth butt helps, because he's skinny and the cloth is bulky so it holds his pants up! It was fun to get some real clothes for him too, since he's mostly only worn sleepers since that's all I had for him until now.
My 6 week check-up is coming up, and I am sort of nervous. I dont know why, just am. On a positive note, I have lost 33lbs since delivery!! And I only gained 11lbs total with him, so I am -22lbs since I got pregnant. I am going to have to work super hard to keep it off now though since my diet has changed. Or can change. I was on a very low fat diet due to gallbladder attacks but I had my gallbladder out on November 5.
Oh, the gallbladder. How I hate thee. I was told at 27 weeks pregnant that my gallbladder was bad. We ended up in the ER for it because I was having shooting, stabbing, burning pain in my chest and right shoulder and we could not figure out why. I sucked it up all day and Geoff ordered us pizza for dinner that night. One slice of pizza later we were on our way to the ER, it was that bad. The discharge instructions for the pain were to stay on a low fat diet, and avoid animal fats in particular. OK...not so bad right? Until a few weeks later when I had a roast beef sandwich (very low fat!!) and ended up back in the ER. I dont know how to describe gallbladder pain...but I'll try. It feels like someone reached inside your chest and is squeezing your insides as hard as they can. It is excruciating to breath or cough, I personally couldnt handle sitting or laying back on it, and it felt like I was on fire. On top of that, I usually would vomit and shake and get dizzy and sweaty and so on. I can honestly say I would rather be in labor than have gallbladder pain. My midwife compared it to kidney stones, now I've never had one so I dont know, but I've heard they're painful. Anyway...4 or 5 hospital visits for gallbladder pains from 27 weeks pregnant til delivery. In the hospital a surgeon came by and spoke to me about it. She recommended having it out because it would likely flare up with any other pregnancies I had and so on. She didnt think it would be a problem though as long as I wasnt pregnant and any possible flare ups would be manageable at home. HAHAHA....right. I had three flare ups in a week. Two ended in massive doses of percocet. After the second bad one, I called the surgeon at 3 am and insisted on being patched through to the on call doctor to get surgery figured out ASAP. He told me to come into the office in the morning (thursday) and we'd schedule it! So my mom came up to help with the baby. My appointment was at 11am and went well. He was hesitant at first since my c-section was not quite a month old yet, but I told him I had already had two flareups since delivery and could not function anymore. He reluctantly agreed and scheduled surgery for the next day. We left the office and stopped at Jimmy Johns for a sandwich real fast on our way to the hospital to pre-register. I had a plain turkey sandwich on white bread. Thats it, turkey, and bread. At the hospital I started having pain and by the time we left I was almost in tears. We got home and I took two percocet right away. An hour and a half later I was pacing the house, trying not to scream in pain and my mom crushed another percocet for me to try. Half an hour later, we were back in the ER. I was devastated. My mom had to drive my car since Eli's car seat was installed in it already and she couldnt move Liz's car seat out of hers. Geoff was in Denver. Eli was hungry, but thank God I already had the foresight to have bottles frozen for him. My mom packed up a bottle and took me into the ER. Once we got there, they had to stick me 7 times to get the IV started because my veins were so clinched down because I was in so much pain. At this point Eli started fussing to be fed and I sat in bed and bawled like a baby while my mom fed him with a bottle because I was in so much pain, I couldn't tend to my son. I literally felt like crawling out of my skin. They brought a pump down from Labor and Delivery for me to pump, but I gave in first and took the pain meds first so I had to dump my milk. I have never felt so useless in life than in that moment. They got me stable and sent me home. My mom and dad spent the night so they could be with Eli the next day for surgery.
The next day, Geoff and I had to be at the hospital at 6:30am for 8am operating time. The doctor assured Geoff that I would only need a lot of help for the first 24 hours or so and I'd be back on my feet. Liar. He didnt account for the fact that my c-section hadnt healed all the way yet because I am miserable. Surgery went well and they sent me home at noon or so the same day. The first night was hell, I couldnt hardly function or get in or out of bed by myself. My husband is a heavy sleeper too, so he was not really any help. Since then I have been sleeping on the couch because its easier for me to get off of by myself. Eli has a co-sleeper bassinet that we wheeled out into the living room for me too. The doctor called to check on me today and mentioned that he forgot about the c-section when he was giving Geoff my post op instructions and was wondering how I was doing since I had two major surgeries in a month. Sigh. I have to say, thank god for my parents!! They have been up here a lot helping out with the baby. No one really understands how much pain I am still in, or how hard it is to rest and recover from both the c-section and gallbladder surgery with an infant at home. Eli is a good baby, but holy smokes I am hurting. I think that is the most frustrating part of all of this. I am in so much pain and so tired of begging Geoff to do stuff for me. He says he doesnt mind, but I can understand and read his frustration when he has to stop what he's doing to get me drink of water, or get up to hand me the baby because I cant stand up with him in my arms or bend over and pick him up. I am angry that I am struggling with it so much and that I even need so much help. I would rather do it myself and not have to ask. But I can't. So my poor husband is once again stuck taking care of his invalid wife. Its been hard...and I am really worried about what the medical bills are going to look like. I have already starting looking for a job so we will be ok. I dont know what I can do that will be worth me working and having to leave Eli, but we're beyond broke. I have to figure something out so we can pay off his birth and my multiple hospital visits + surgery. I feel like a worthless hypochondriac. I hate being sick or going to the hospital and medically, its been a rough year for me, and I have incurred thousands of dollars in medical bills. I am hoping I can find some sort of part time job on the weekends and evenings so I can help pay them down. Its gonna suck though. I will work when Geoff's gone and we will never see each other. Oh well, thats the price you pay for having a baby and having bills I guess. I am hoping I can afford to go back to school in the fall somehow... because if I can finish my degree then I can teach which would pay the bills. Of course there is still a question of what to do with my little man...day care is expensive folks! Oh well, I cant get to worked up about it right now. I am going to go to bed.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
adventures in cloth diapering
Since before Eli was born, I have been interested in trying cloth diapering. A good friend of mine cloth diapers her little girl and loves it, and a couple of girls from work cloth diaper and they love it! I have to admit, part of the draw was being "on the cutting edge" haha, which is funny because cloth is a lot older than disposables, but I love the all natural simplicity of cloth. I like the lack of chemicals, the ease of use (I know, whats easier than rip if off and throw it away...but really! They are easy!!) I like how cost effective they are. We went down to Baby Cotton Bottoms in Colorado Springs and talked to my friend, Katie Zook, who works there to get set up. We started with 24 bleached chinese prefolds and four thirsties duo covers and a snappi. We chose prefolds and covers because they are really cost effective and easy to use, easy to wash and so on. We've been using cloth for a week or so now and I have decided we need at least one more cover. Covers seem to last 4-6 diaper changes, so our four covers sometimes are dirty before the diapers are. On occasion he will have a massive blow out, and leak through to the cover but so far he has not had any blowouts that ended with poop on the clothes! To get started, we washed our diapers in hot water, cold rinse and dried them three times. We also washed the covers and diaper bag liner once to get started and hung those to dry. We use a dry pail method since exclusively breast fed babies poop doesnt stink so bad. The first few days I noticed the pee smell was stronger, but if we change him often I dont notice it so much now. I usually change him every feeding in order to keep him dry and clean. We also just started using cloth wipes, since we're doing laundry anyway. I use an empty disposable wipes container with a bit of baby wash in it, and we change the water when we wash the diapers (every other day or so) and we did not buy special wipes, but just used the hundreds of wash clothes we received at my baby shower. I actually LOVE cloth wipes, they smell so fresh and if he gets poop on the cover I can wipe it off easily or if he catches me off guard and pees on us both, I can wash him off with it too.
So heres our stash
-24 bleached chinese prefolds
-4 thirsties duo covers with snaps (these are amazing, they will cover him from birth til about 18lbs!! then size two goes from 18-35lbs! no more covers to buy, just prefolds!!)
-1 snappi (no pins! it looks like an ace bandage clip but a "T" shape, so it holds across him and down)
I am ordering tomorrow....4 thirsties duo pockets (these are trim and easy for diaper bag use, or for people who dont cloth) and two more covers, like I said they get dirty sometimes more often than I expected
and at least one more snappi. I dont like having just one, just in case we lose or break it.
I am really interested in trying wool covers too, I have heard from more than one person that they are awesome. They are treated with lanolin which is supposed to mix with the uric acid in pee and make "soap" so wool covers dont need to be washed so often. They are expensive though...like $30 or more. I have been checking out etsy for wool covers...and once we get paid again I may go ahead and order one to try.
I will probably rewrite this later, as I am hopped up on percocet right now since I had gallbladder surgery yesterday. Yes, thats right. I had my c-section on October 5, my gallbladder out November 5, lets not do surgery on December 5!! The gallbladder has been a long time coming...but thats another post another day.
So heres our stash
-24 bleached chinese prefolds
-4 thirsties duo covers with snaps (these are amazing, they will cover him from birth til about 18lbs!! then size two goes from 18-35lbs! no more covers to buy, just prefolds!!)
-1 snappi (no pins! it looks like an ace bandage clip but a "T" shape, so it holds across him and down)
I am ordering tomorrow....4 thirsties duo pockets (these are trim and easy for diaper bag use, or for people who dont cloth) and two more covers, like I said they get dirty sometimes more often than I expected
and at least one more snappi. I dont like having just one, just in case we lose or break it.
I am really interested in trying wool covers too, I have heard from more than one person that they are awesome. They are treated with lanolin which is supposed to mix with the uric acid in pee and make "soap" so wool covers dont need to be washed so often. They are expensive though...like $30 or more. I have been checking out etsy for wool covers...and once we get paid again I may go ahead and order one to try.
I will probably rewrite this later, as I am hopped up on percocet right now since I had gallbladder surgery yesterday. Yes, thats right. I had my c-section on October 5, my gallbladder out November 5, lets not do surgery on December 5!! The gallbladder has been a long time coming...but thats another post another day.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
first weeks
Eli James is three weeks old! I can not believe how fast time is flying. His daddy goes back to work in three days so it will be interesting to see how that goes. Right now we are in a semi-routine. I'll start with night time since everyone always wants to know if the baby is sleeping through the night or not... hes not.
Starting at around 8pm- we usually nurse for half and hour or so and then diaper change, daddy reads a story and mommy and Eli go to bed
12am-feeding and diaper change
4am-feeding and diaper change (if I dont fall asleep again, I struggle with this feeding the most)
7am-feeding and I usually pull him into bed to cuddle and snooze a bit more
8-9am we get up, diaper change, and get dressed for the day sometimes he nurses again at 9
Then Eli usually sits in his bouncy chair for a while so mom can eat breakfast unless he's fussy then he gets the Moby wrap instead :o)
10am-he usually chills with daddy so I can shower and get dressed
11am-nurses again and takes a long nap
1-2 he wakes up and nurses and mom eats lunch
another nap, or sometimes he spends time awake hanging out
3-4 nurses again
6-7 mom and dad eat dinner
and that is our day! he is still nursing fairly often, and usually for 30 minutes or more. In the afternoons he is more likely to "snack" and nurse for 10-15 minutes over the course of an hour or two. I am interested to see how things go once dad is back at work, but it will be fun.
We are working on getting out more, here and there. I dont want to feel like I have to spend my life at home since I am breastfeeding. I also dont want to schedule my life in two hour increments because he might need to eat during an outing. I am working on my thoughts and feelings towards nursing in public, we have a nursing cover but Eli and I both really hate using it. Its not stiff enough at the top and it falls in his face which makes him break latch and get pissed off. Not worth it. A friend of mine uses nursing tanks so her belly is covered and then a shirt over it so only a tiny bit is exposed. I like that, but dont feel like the nursing tanks provide great support for my rather large chest. I hate the idea of wearing a nursing bra plus a nursing tank though... so I am still working on my strategy. I may just have slightly uniboob for the next year or so because the nursing tanks are convenient. Breastfeeding is going really well other than that. We had a hiccup at first because he wouldnt latch on the right side without a nipple shield but now he does 90% of the time. I love the closeness and the bonding it creates, even at 4am which is my hardest feeding for some reason. I am working on a small tote bag with my breastfeeding goodies inside this is what I have to have to nurse:
the baby :o)
Boppy-helps take the pressure off the incision and the strain off my arms
water-I get so thirsty while nursing!
binky-a lot of people disagree with this, but sometimes he gets super upset and the paci helps him calm down
spit rag-hes not a big spitter, but it happens
lanolin-sore boobies=unhappy mama
TV remote-he passes out while nursing sometimes and I get bored!
camera-he makes the best faces sometimes :o)
Its amazing how different he gets everyday. He has funny facial expressions and is learning he can make noises besides crying, but they come out at the most random times :o)
On a seperate note, we are thinking about trying cloth diapers. We havent had to buy diapers yet thanks to the generosity of friends and family. However, he's already blown through 4-5 packs of diapers plus the ones we stole from the hospital! The amount of waste is impressive. A case of newborn pampers swaddlers, 130 count is approximately $35. I could get a dozen prefolds and two covers for $50. That wouldnt be my entire stock of cloth, I think we'd need at least two dozen prefolds and 4-5 covers at the minimum, plus maybe some fitted or all in ones for travel or babysitters. so I think we could get what we needed for 100-$200 dollars. And I wouldnt need to buy diapers again for a while. And the diapers are cheap, the covers are a bit more pricey but still roughly $10-$12 a piece. and the set we like is awesome because it converts from newborn to 18lbs and then we buy more covers that go from 18-40lbs! Awesome! Two sets of covers, and we buy only prefolds to stuff them with! I guess we will see how it goes. We're gonna start with a small batch and try it. I think though, that even with the initial cost plus the laundry cost, we'd save a lot of money. The more money we save the less I have to work, which means less expense in daycare too. So me staying home actually saves money. And I love being home with my little man. I get jealous when others hold him for too long, I want him back! We also decided on a co-sleeper for our room, its like a mini bassinet that has three walls, our bed makes up the fourth wall. He is literally right next to me at night which I love. When we lay him in his crib for naps I get nervous, and have to check on him even with the monitor turned on!
Things I love
(as far as disposables go) pampers swaddlers work the best!!
Moby wrap-its easy to use, adjustable for me and dad, and he LOVES IT
Boppy
johnson and johnson baby stuff, smells so good
Starting at around 8pm- we usually nurse for half and hour or so and then diaper change, daddy reads a story and mommy and Eli go to bed
12am-feeding and diaper change
4am-feeding and diaper change (if I dont fall asleep again, I struggle with this feeding the most)
7am-feeding and I usually pull him into bed to cuddle and snooze a bit more
8-9am we get up, diaper change, and get dressed for the day sometimes he nurses again at 9
Then Eli usually sits in his bouncy chair for a while so mom can eat breakfast unless he's fussy then he gets the Moby wrap instead :o)
10am-he usually chills with daddy so I can shower and get dressed
11am-nurses again and takes a long nap
1-2 he wakes up and nurses and mom eats lunch
another nap, or sometimes he spends time awake hanging out
3-4 nurses again
6-7 mom and dad eat dinner
and that is our day! he is still nursing fairly often, and usually for 30 minutes or more. In the afternoons he is more likely to "snack" and nurse for 10-15 minutes over the course of an hour or two. I am interested to see how things go once dad is back at work, but it will be fun.
We are working on getting out more, here and there. I dont want to feel like I have to spend my life at home since I am breastfeeding. I also dont want to schedule my life in two hour increments because he might need to eat during an outing. I am working on my thoughts and feelings towards nursing in public, we have a nursing cover but Eli and I both really hate using it. Its not stiff enough at the top and it falls in his face which makes him break latch and get pissed off. Not worth it. A friend of mine uses nursing tanks so her belly is covered and then a shirt over it so only a tiny bit is exposed. I like that, but dont feel like the nursing tanks provide great support for my rather large chest. I hate the idea of wearing a nursing bra plus a nursing tank though... so I am still working on my strategy. I may just have slightly uniboob for the next year or so because the nursing tanks are convenient. Breastfeeding is going really well other than that. We had a hiccup at first because he wouldnt latch on the right side without a nipple shield but now he does 90% of the time. I love the closeness and the bonding it creates, even at 4am which is my hardest feeding for some reason. I am working on a small tote bag with my breastfeeding goodies inside this is what I have to have to nurse:
the baby :o)
Boppy-helps take the pressure off the incision and the strain off my arms
water-I get so thirsty while nursing!
binky-a lot of people disagree with this, but sometimes he gets super upset and the paci helps him calm down
spit rag-hes not a big spitter, but it happens
lanolin-sore boobies=unhappy mama
TV remote-he passes out while nursing sometimes and I get bored!
camera-he makes the best faces sometimes :o)
Its amazing how different he gets everyday. He has funny facial expressions and is learning he can make noises besides crying, but they come out at the most random times :o)
On a seperate note, we are thinking about trying cloth diapers. We havent had to buy diapers yet thanks to the generosity of friends and family. However, he's already blown through 4-5 packs of diapers plus the ones we stole from the hospital! The amount of waste is impressive. A case of newborn pampers swaddlers, 130 count is approximately $35. I could get a dozen prefolds and two covers for $50. That wouldnt be my entire stock of cloth, I think we'd need at least two dozen prefolds and 4-5 covers at the minimum, plus maybe some fitted or all in ones for travel or babysitters. so I think we could get what we needed for 100-$200 dollars. And I wouldnt need to buy diapers again for a while. And the diapers are cheap, the covers are a bit more pricey but still roughly $10-$12 a piece. and the set we like is awesome because it converts from newborn to 18lbs and then we buy more covers that go from 18-40lbs! Awesome! Two sets of covers, and we buy only prefolds to stuff them with! I guess we will see how it goes. We're gonna start with a small batch and try it. I think though, that even with the initial cost plus the laundry cost, we'd save a lot of money. The more money we save the less I have to work, which means less expense in daycare too. So me staying home actually saves money. And I love being home with my little man. I get jealous when others hold him for too long, I want him back! We also decided on a co-sleeper for our room, its like a mini bassinet that has three walls, our bed makes up the fourth wall. He is literally right next to me at night which I love. When we lay him in his crib for naps I get nervous, and have to check on him even with the monitor turned on!
Things I love
(as far as disposables go) pampers swaddlers work the best!!
Moby wrap-its easy to use, adjustable for me and dad, and he LOVES IT
Boppy
johnson and johnson baby stuff, smells so good
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Eli's Birth Story
I am going to try to journal through our birth experience because I have a lot of emotions and thoughts about it and am not sure how I feel or even what to say about it right now...
TMI WARNING!! THERE IS PROBABLY MORE HERE ABOUT MY BODY THAN YOU WANT TO KNOW!!
October 2
I woke up feeling crampy. I remember telling Geoff it felt like my period was on its way (which I know is ridiculous, but I was crampy, with lots of backache) I was some what uncomfortable throughout the day, and thought maybe my body was starting to get ready for labor.I asked Geoff to walk with me, so we went to Wal-Mart because it was cool and dark out by the time he got home. We walked around for an hour or two and I was just really uncomfortable. When we got home, I had a cup of Red Raspberry Leaf tea and took some evening primrose oil (I had been doing both for a few weeks, because they are both supposed to help with labor in different ways) so I drank a cup of tea and we went to bed. I thought I was having contractions, but I was feeling it mostly in my back and hips. I was able to get to sleep with back rub from the hubby.
October 3
I woke up at 2am with a bad gall bladder attack. I went into the bathroom and vomited several times and took a percocet and zofran. I vomited again shortly thereafter, and took another percocet and woke Geoff up. He decided we needed to head to the hospital because in the past, the percocet had not been enough to get the pain to a tolerable level. We got to the hospital around 3am and they checked me into labor and delivery (standard procedure for pregnant women). The nurse tried to check me because I was having contractions on the monitor, even though I wasnt aware of them. I was in a massive amount of pain, so she wasnt able to get a definitive measure of my cervix but thought I was about a fingertip dilated. I ended up declining pain meds at the hospital because the percocet finally kicked in, and I was feeling better. I felt stupid for going in, but in the end our experience has been that at home meds dont usually work, it has had to be IV pain meds because of the intensity of the pain. We left the hosptial at approximately 5 am and went home to sleep. Geoff fell right asleep in bed, and I curled up with him and my cat and tried to sleep. I slept for about 45 minutes or so, and woke up with back labor. I got up and made myself a pillow nest on the couch and put in a movie to try and center myself. I made myself some hot apple cider and toast and laid down on the couch. At around 7am I called my mom and chatted with her for about an hour. It was a really meaningful conversation for me, in the quiet of the morning there were no distractions or background noise on her end, which can be extremely difficult because they have a busy house :o). My mom said then that she thought I was in labor and that he'd be here by Wednesday, but I dismissed it and thought we were just warming up because I wasnt expecting him til after his due date (October 13). My mom and I made arrangements for her to come up on Monday because I wanted the company really badly and sometimes there's nothing like time with mom. I was planning to have her come up and we could walk, and just hang out because I wasnt feeling great. After we hung up, Geoff woke up and we spent the day hanging out and resting from our looong night before. My contractions starting picking up around dinner time and lasted through the night. Geoff and I spent the whole night going from the bedroom to the living room to the bath tub on my hands and knees and so on. My contractions were irregular, and I was only feeling them in my back. Geoff spent the night providing counter pressure for the increasingly uncomfortable contractions I was having. We laid on the couch from about 11pm until 5am and watched Netflix while I worked through each contraction.
October 4
I spent a lot of time on my knees, bent over the ottoman while Henry ran back and forth between me and Geoff, worried about my groans and sways. I felt so powerful and womanly swaying and vocalizing through the contractions. Around 5am Geoff suggested a hot bath. I spent about an hour in the tub, trying to relax and welcome each contraction. At this point I was trying not to get my hopes up because my contractions were still very irregular ranging from 2 minutes to 10 minutes apart. At 7 am, as the sun was coming up, Geoff made some coffee and we decided to go for a walk. We slipped on our slippers and hoodies over our pajamas and walked around the neighborhood for half an hour. That walk was one of my favorite parts of the day, the neighborhood was very quiet, the sun was still low in the sky and the air was cool and we spent the time talking about our future son and labor and delivery. We discussed our hopes for our son, and about how we want him to grow up to be a sweet, loving, respectful man who is strong and hard working. I felt so close to my husband in those moments. I had a few contractions as we walked, and I stopped and held onto his neck and swayed through them. When we got home we rested some more and waited for my mom. My mom got here around 9:00am and suggested we call my midwife and see if we could go in and get checked. I was resistant because I didnt want to go in and be told I was at 1/2 cm and go home, it was a false start. Nevertheless, Geoff insisted so we called and made an appointment for 11am. We finished picking up a few things around the house and made sure the bag was packed just in case. We got the doctors office, and Terri Gross (one of the four midwives at the clinic) saw us. It took a while to get in so I spent 20 minutes on my knees, leaning over the back of a chair with contractions off and on. When we got back into the exam room, Terri checked me and excitedly announced I was at 6cm, 100% effaced, and +2. I was thrilled! We headed over the hospital! On the way, I called my dad and texted my siblings with the good news. Geoff called his parents and sister, who helped spread the word that we should have the baby that day!! Once we got checked in, I realized I forgot to bring a copy of my birth plan. I told my nurse that, and explained to her that I wanted a natural childbirth, I would prefer not to be asked what my pain level was or be offered pain meds. I also stated that if I got to the point where I was asking for pain meds, I was open to alternative means. This may have come back to bite me...Somewhere in there Geoff called Katie (our doula) and she arrived a few hours later. Once she got there we settled into a routine of me laboring while walking around the room, on my hands and knees leaning over the back of the bed and so on. My labor was all in my back and my contractions were getting quite strong. Katie had some great techniques to help me cope, including the use of a rebozo wrap, which went around my hips and allowed her to simultaneously help squeeze my hips, and put counter pressure on my intense back labor. I am not really sure how long we labored like that, because my sense of time disappeared.
TMI WARNING!! THERE IS PROBABLY MORE HERE ABOUT MY BODY THAN YOU WANT TO KNOW!!
October 2
I woke up feeling crampy. I remember telling Geoff it felt like my period was on its way (which I know is ridiculous, but I was crampy, with lots of backache) I was some what uncomfortable throughout the day, and thought maybe my body was starting to get ready for labor.I asked Geoff to walk with me, so we went to Wal-Mart because it was cool and dark out by the time he got home. We walked around for an hour or two and I was just really uncomfortable. When we got home, I had a cup of Red Raspberry Leaf tea and took some evening primrose oil (I had been doing both for a few weeks, because they are both supposed to help with labor in different ways) so I drank a cup of tea and we went to bed. I thought I was having contractions, but I was feeling it mostly in my back and hips. I was able to get to sleep with back rub from the hubby.
October 3
I woke up at 2am with a bad gall bladder attack. I went into the bathroom and vomited several times and took a percocet and zofran. I vomited again shortly thereafter, and took another percocet and woke Geoff up. He decided we needed to head to the hospital because in the past, the percocet had not been enough to get the pain to a tolerable level. We got to the hospital around 3am and they checked me into labor and delivery (standard procedure for pregnant women). The nurse tried to check me because I was having contractions on the monitor, even though I wasnt aware of them. I was in a massive amount of pain, so she wasnt able to get a definitive measure of my cervix but thought I was about a fingertip dilated. I ended up declining pain meds at the hospital because the percocet finally kicked in, and I was feeling better. I felt stupid for going in, but in the end our experience has been that at home meds dont usually work, it has had to be IV pain meds because of the intensity of the pain. We left the hosptial at approximately 5 am and went home to sleep. Geoff fell right asleep in bed, and I curled up with him and my cat and tried to sleep. I slept for about 45 minutes or so, and woke up with back labor. I got up and made myself a pillow nest on the couch and put in a movie to try and center myself. I made myself some hot apple cider and toast and laid down on the couch. At around 7am I called my mom and chatted with her for about an hour. It was a really meaningful conversation for me, in the quiet of the morning there were no distractions or background noise on her end, which can be extremely difficult because they have a busy house :o). My mom said then that she thought I was in labor and that he'd be here by Wednesday, but I dismissed it and thought we were just warming up because I wasnt expecting him til after his due date (October 13). My mom and I made arrangements for her to come up on Monday because I wanted the company really badly and sometimes there's nothing like time with mom. I was planning to have her come up and we could walk, and just hang out because I wasnt feeling great. After we hung up, Geoff woke up and we spent the day hanging out and resting from our looong night before. My contractions starting picking up around dinner time and lasted through the night. Geoff and I spent the whole night going from the bedroom to the living room to the bath tub on my hands and knees and so on. My contractions were irregular, and I was only feeling them in my back. Geoff spent the night providing counter pressure for the increasingly uncomfortable contractions I was having. We laid on the couch from about 11pm until 5am and watched Netflix while I worked through each contraction.
October 4
I spent a lot of time on my knees, bent over the ottoman while Henry ran back and forth between me and Geoff, worried about my groans and sways. I felt so powerful and womanly swaying and vocalizing through the contractions. Around 5am Geoff suggested a hot bath. I spent about an hour in the tub, trying to relax and welcome each contraction. At this point I was trying not to get my hopes up because my contractions were still very irregular ranging from 2 minutes to 10 minutes apart. At 7 am, as the sun was coming up, Geoff made some coffee and we decided to go for a walk. We slipped on our slippers and hoodies over our pajamas and walked around the neighborhood for half an hour. That walk was one of my favorite parts of the day, the neighborhood was very quiet, the sun was still low in the sky and the air was cool and we spent the time talking about our future son and labor and delivery. We discussed our hopes for our son, and about how we want him to grow up to be a sweet, loving, respectful man who is strong and hard working. I felt so close to my husband in those moments. I had a few contractions as we walked, and I stopped and held onto his neck and swayed through them. When we got home we rested some more and waited for my mom. My mom got here around 9:00am and suggested we call my midwife and see if we could go in and get checked. I was resistant because I didnt want to go in and be told I was at 1/2 cm and go home, it was a false start. Nevertheless, Geoff insisted so we called and made an appointment for 11am. We finished picking up a few things around the house and made sure the bag was packed just in case. We got the doctors office, and Terri Gross (one of the four midwives at the clinic) saw us. It took a while to get in so I spent 20 minutes on my knees, leaning over the back of a chair with contractions off and on. When we got back into the exam room, Terri checked me and excitedly announced I was at 6cm, 100% effaced, and +2. I was thrilled! We headed over the hospital! On the way, I called my dad and texted my siblings with the good news. Geoff called his parents and sister, who helped spread the word that we should have the baby that day!! Once we got checked in, I realized I forgot to bring a copy of my birth plan. I told my nurse that, and explained to her that I wanted a natural childbirth, I would prefer not to be asked what my pain level was or be offered pain meds. I also stated that if I got to the point where I was asking for pain meds, I was open to alternative means. This may have come back to bite me...Somewhere in there Geoff called Katie (our doula) and she arrived a few hours later. Once she got there we settled into a routine of me laboring while walking around the room, on my hands and knees leaning over the back of the bed and so on. My labor was all in my back and my contractions were getting quite strong. Katie had some great techniques to help me cope, including the use of a rebozo wrap, which went around my hips and allowed her to simultaneously help squeeze my hips, and put counter pressure on my intense back labor. I am not really sure how long we labored like that, because my sense of time disappeared.
At some point I decided to get in the tub and put on my swim suit. While I was in the tub, my brother and Geoff's sister got to the hospital. They were able to come in a visit for while, since I was sort of dressed. Laura sat with me for a while and her and Katie kept my shoulders and hips warm with wet wash clothes while I lay on my side in the tub so they could help apply counter pressure. I dont know exactly how long I was in the tub because at this point my sense of time sort of disappeared. My midwife, Kelly Jean came in and checked me and said I was about 7cm and station +1. I was not progressing very fast at this point and becoming frustrated. We kept laboring, walking and doing counter pressure. My mom went out and got the family at some point to come in and say hi. Geoff's dad, his dad's girlfriend, his mom, stepdad and sisters where all there. I only saw them for a few minutes because my contractions were getting really strong at this point.
We continued laboring together, Katie providing constant counter pressure and Geoff and my mom offering moral and emotional support. I cant give a definitive time line at this point because, like I said, my sense of time disappeared. At some point Kelly Jean came back in and wanted to check me again and I declined, because I knew I hadn't progressed. I was getting frustrated and exhausted at this point. I had been awake roughly since 2 am Saturday morning, and we were now at 6 pm Monday night. My contractions were getting increasingly intense, but not becoming more regular. I think around 8 or so Kelly Jean came back in and decided to check me again. I was at 8 cm at this point and starting to feel despair. She thought breaking my water might help labor pick up so I tried to get comfortable on my side in bed so she could. This is one part of my birth experience i am not sure I would repeat. By breaking my water, I doubt the baby had any chance to turn, but at the time we werent sure what his position was. Once she broke my water, she was able to tell he was occiput posterior.http://www.birthingnaturally.net/birth/challenges/posterior.html That basically means he was facing my stomach instead of my back, so the back of his head (the occiput) was against my back, so it makes entering the birth canal extremely difficult. If they hadn't broken my water, maybe he could've turned...but maybe not. He had a long time with lots of contractions to turn and didnt so there's no telling what would have happened if we hadnt ruptured my membranes. My contractions became MUCH stronger at this point, and I was becoming extremely discouraged because I wasnt progressing very quickly and my contractions were starting to become unbearable. Before this point I was able to groan, moan and make throaty, low noises to cope through them, but at this point I was screaming. I have never felt anything so intense in my life. I started begging for it to end and was screaming for some one to make it stop. I finally asked for pain medicine, much to my own chagrin. I felt my hopes for a natural birth experience slowly draining away at this point, but I could no longer cope. The gave me a shot of something, and it helped for all of two contractions. I tried to keep laboring, but the pain in my back was becoming so intense I couldnt deal. My midwife suggested I get back in the bath tub to see if that provided any help, and I agreed. I dont know how long I was in there, but my mom sat with me for a while so Katie and Geoff could step out. I started becoming afraid of contractions at this point and remember being overwhelmed with the intensity of them. I got out of the bath tub and had a few contractions while sitting on the toilet. For some reason, my midwife wanted me to try laboring on the toilet but I HATED it. That was the worst position for me, I had to be either on my hands and knees or standing, I couldnt bear to sit through them. I remember holding onto the rail in the bathroom watching my legs shake. At this point, I was butt naked and remember registering some embarrassment that my doula and good friend was seeing me naked but mostly I didnt care. My legs felt like jelly and somehow I got back to bed and begged for the epidural. Kelly Jean suggested a sterile water block in my back at this point to help with the back labor, because it was supposed to act like counter pressure. My poor doula and hubby. Their wrists, hands and arms had to ache by now from the intense pressure they were applying. We tried the water block and it made it worse because they couldnt put pressure on my back anymore because it would undo the water block. I decided I had to have the epidural. I always thought once I asked for an epidural, it would be instant, but its not. It seems like it took at least an hour between finally convincing them to give it to me (remember I told them not to offer...yeah) and then I had to have at least half a bag of fluids in me and so on. Finally the anesthesiologist came in and I was sitting on the bed in a tank top and nothing else and I didnt care. He was really kind and helpful and got the epidural in place quickly and efficiently. He didnt do it too heavily, thankfully because once he left my midwife turned the lights off and told me to try and rest. I collapsed into bed, exhausted. Katie let me lay there for a few minutes or so and then told me I needed to get up on my hands and knees. I was able to do this even with the epidural, I still had control over my legs. She was hoping if I kept turning the baby would turn. At this point I became aware that his heart rate was dropping. My blood pressure was really low and I felt like I was going to black out. Katie helped me get on one side then the other so the epidural didnt pool on one side of my body. Kelly Jean came in and put two monitors on us. One under the scalp of the baby to better monitor his heart rate, and one next to his head to measure the strength of my contractions since I could no longer feel them. My contractions were getting less intense, which at this point told us that my labor was stalling. I was really distraught and Kelly Jean and another nurse came in and were surprised to see me up on my hands and knees, but were concerned about the baby. My blood pressure was very, very low and the baby's heart rate was no longer indicating he was responding positively to the contractions. In fact it was the opposite, as my contractions peaked, his heart rate dropped. I was scared for my baby. They put me on oxygen to help my heart rate and blood pressure, and some where in here Geoff stepped out.
He came back and saw me oxygen and he became really upset and concerned about both me and the baby. My dad arrived at the hospital shortly after and I remember him coming back to see me, and holding my hand. All I could do at that point was lay there and hold my dad's hand and try not to cry. I was so distraught at this point and discouraged that I had labored for so long for nothing. Kelly Jean came back because she was worried about the baby, she said we should monitor him for a few more minutes and see what happened and then decide whether to go forward with pitocin or a c-section. At the words "C-section" my heart went through my stomach. That was the last thing I wanted, but at the same time it meant my baby was so close to being in my arms and out of harms way. His heart rate continued to not respond the way we wanted and we made the decision. They told me two people could come back with me. I was torn. I knew Geoff would be there, but I didnt know if I wanted Katie or my mom to be the other one. I wanted my mom there because she's my mom and I didnt want her to miss anything but Katie had been so supportive and she is an RN, so I felt safe having her there to lean on. We decided to have Katie and Geoff accompany me into surgery. The got me prep'd and wheeled me back. I dont remember the trip down there really, I just vaguely remember them transferring me onto the board and upping the epidural so I could go through surgery.
The curtain went up and Geoff sat by me and distracted me through the beginning of the surgery. Katie took some pictures for us and once our son was lifted out, Geoff went with him to see him be weighed, measured and cut the cord. Katie stayed with me as they sewed, stapled and otherwise put me back together. I could hear my baby crying and I started crying. I wasnt responding well to the anesthesia and started shaking violently and feeling very nauseous. The wonderful doctor who did my epidural and Katie worked together to get me stable and stop the shaking. Once I was ok, Geoff brought our son over for me to see. I remember crying my eyes out because he was incredibly beautiful. I wanted to kiss every inch of his tiny face.
They took him away again and Geoff went out into the recovery room to show him to our family. The wheeled me into recovery and I could see my whole family standing outside the window waiting for me. They had to put up the curtain at this point though because I started vomiting again. Once I was OK, they let everyone come back a few at a time to see me. My mom and Geoff and Katie were back there for a few minutes and I took the baby and held him to my breast and like magic, he latched right on! I could feel my heart swell at this little miracle in my arms. I had to have help holding him because of the epidural, but I felt my life change as I held my son for the first time. Eventually everyone came back for a few, and left, and they moved Geoff and I to our room. Katie accompanied us for a few to make sure we were OK and then she left. In hindsight, I am glad I tried everything I did before the epidural and c-section. I am sad that I failed in giving birth to my son naturally, but am thankful that we were in a safe place where we were able to use the miracles of modern science to deliver my son safely. It was worth it in the end and I am thankful everyday for this precious baby boy.
We continued laboring together, Katie providing constant counter pressure and Geoff and my mom offering moral and emotional support. I cant give a definitive time line at this point because, like I said, my sense of time disappeared. At some point Kelly Jean came back in and wanted to check me again and I declined, because I knew I hadn't progressed. I was getting frustrated and exhausted at this point. I had been awake roughly since 2 am Saturday morning, and we were now at 6 pm Monday night. My contractions were getting increasingly intense, but not becoming more regular. I think around 8 or so Kelly Jean came back in and decided to check me again. I was at 8 cm at this point and starting to feel despair. She thought breaking my water might help labor pick up so I tried to get comfortable on my side in bed so she could. This is one part of my birth experience i am not sure I would repeat. By breaking my water, I doubt the baby had any chance to turn, but at the time we werent sure what his position was. Once she broke my water, she was able to tell he was occiput posterior.http://www.birthingnaturally.net/birth/challenges/posterior.html That basically means he was facing my stomach instead of my back, so the back of his head (the occiput) was against my back, so it makes entering the birth canal extremely difficult. If they hadn't broken my water, maybe he could've turned...but maybe not. He had a long time with lots of contractions to turn and didnt so there's no telling what would have happened if we hadnt ruptured my membranes. My contractions became MUCH stronger at this point, and I was becoming extremely discouraged because I wasnt progressing very quickly and my contractions were starting to become unbearable. Before this point I was able to groan, moan and make throaty, low noises to cope through them, but at this point I was screaming. I have never felt anything so intense in my life. I started begging for it to end and was screaming for some one to make it stop. I finally asked for pain medicine, much to my own chagrin. I felt my hopes for a natural birth experience slowly draining away at this point, but I could no longer cope. The gave me a shot of something, and it helped for all of two contractions. I tried to keep laboring, but the pain in my back was becoming so intense I couldnt deal. My midwife suggested I get back in the bath tub to see if that provided any help, and I agreed. I dont know how long I was in there, but my mom sat with me for a while so Katie and Geoff could step out. I started becoming afraid of contractions at this point and remember being overwhelmed with the intensity of them. I got out of the bath tub and had a few contractions while sitting on the toilet. For some reason, my midwife wanted me to try laboring on the toilet but I HATED it. That was the worst position for me, I had to be either on my hands and knees or standing, I couldnt bear to sit through them. I remember holding onto the rail in the bathroom watching my legs shake. At this point, I was butt naked and remember registering some embarrassment that my doula and good friend was seeing me naked but mostly I didnt care. My legs felt like jelly and somehow I got back to bed and begged for the epidural. Kelly Jean suggested a sterile water block in my back at this point to help with the back labor, because it was supposed to act like counter pressure. My poor doula and hubby. Their wrists, hands and arms had to ache by now from the intense pressure they were applying. We tried the water block and it made it worse because they couldnt put pressure on my back anymore because it would undo the water block. I decided I had to have the epidural. I always thought once I asked for an epidural, it would be instant, but its not. It seems like it took at least an hour between finally convincing them to give it to me (remember I told them not to offer...yeah) and then I had to have at least half a bag of fluids in me and so on. Finally the anesthesiologist came in and I was sitting on the bed in a tank top and nothing else and I didnt care. He was really kind and helpful and got the epidural in place quickly and efficiently. He didnt do it too heavily, thankfully because once he left my midwife turned the lights off and told me to try and rest. I collapsed into bed, exhausted. Katie let me lay there for a few minutes or so and then told me I needed to get up on my hands and knees. I was able to do this even with the epidural, I still had control over my legs. She was hoping if I kept turning the baby would turn. At this point I became aware that his heart rate was dropping. My blood pressure was really low and I felt like I was going to black out. Katie helped me get on one side then the other so the epidural didnt pool on one side of my body. Kelly Jean came in and put two monitors on us. One under the scalp of the baby to better monitor his heart rate, and one next to his head to measure the strength of my contractions since I could no longer feel them. My contractions were getting less intense, which at this point told us that my labor was stalling. I was really distraught and Kelly Jean and another nurse came in and were surprised to see me up on my hands and knees, but were concerned about the baby. My blood pressure was very, very low and the baby's heart rate was no longer indicating he was responding positively to the contractions. In fact it was the opposite, as my contractions peaked, his heart rate dropped. I was scared for my baby. They put me on oxygen to help my heart rate and blood pressure, and some where in here Geoff stepped out.
He came back and saw me oxygen and he became really upset and concerned about both me and the baby. My dad arrived at the hospital shortly after and I remember him coming back to see me, and holding my hand. All I could do at that point was lay there and hold my dad's hand and try not to cry. I was so distraught at this point and discouraged that I had labored for so long for nothing. Kelly Jean came back because she was worried about the baby, she said we should monitor him for a few more minutes and see what happened and then decide whether to go forward with pitocin or a c-section. At the words "C-section" my heart went through my stomach. That was the last thing I wanted, but at the same time it meant my baby was so close to being in my arms and out of harms way. His heart rate continued to not respond the way we wanted and we made the decision. They told me two people could come back with me. I was torn. I knew Geoff would be there, but I didnt know if I wanted Katie or my mom to be the other one. I wanted my mom there because she's my mom and I didnt want her to miss anything but Katie had been so supportive and she is an RN, so I felt safe having her there to lean on. We decided to have Katie and Geoff accompany me into surgery. The got me prep'd and wheeled me back. I dont remember the trip down there really, I just vaguely remember them transferring me onto the board and upping the epidural so I could go through surgery.
The curtain went up and Geoff sat by me and distracted me through the beginning of the surgery. Katie took some pictures for us and once our son was lifted out, Geoff went with him to see him be weighed, measured and cut the cord. Katie stayed with me as they sewed, stapled and otherwise put me back together. I could hear my baby crying and I started crying. I wasnt responding well to the anesthesia and started shaking violently and feeling very nauseous. The wonderful doctor who did my epidural and Katie worked together to get me stable and stop the shaking. Once I was ok, Geoff brought our son over for me to see. I remember crying my eyes out because he was incredibly beautiful. I wanted to kiss every inch of his tiny face.
They took him away again and Geoff went out into the recovery room to show him to our family. The wheeled me into recovery and I could see my whole family standing outside the window waiting for me. They had to put up the curtain at this point though because I started vomiting again. Once I was OK, they let everyone come back a few at a time to see me. My mom and Geoff and Katie were back there for a few minutes and I took the baby and held him to my breast and like magic, he latched right on! I could feel my heart swell at this little miracle in my arms. I had to have help holding him because of the epidural, but I felt my life change as I held my son for the first time. Eventually everyone came back for a few, and left, and they moved Geoff and I to our room. Katie accompanied us for a few to make sure we were OK and then she left. In hindsight, I am glad I tried everything I did before the epidural and c-section. I am sad that I failed in giving birth to my son naturally, but am thankful that we were in a safe place where we were able to use the miracles of modern science to deliver my son safely. It was worth it in the end and I am thankful everyday for this precious baby boy.
Friday, September 24, 2010
some fear
Hello all. I know it hasnt been that long since I last posted, but give me a break...I am home alone all the time and getting anxious. I keep telling myself to relax, the baby will get here when he gets here and I am (mostly) at peace with the timing. My concern is my ability to give birth. There I said it. A few nights ago I had a massive gallbladder attack, and my poor, sleep deprived husband had to rush me to the hospital for treatment. I have never, ever been in so much pain. I was vomiting, shaking, sweating and groaning. My throat ached after the ordeal from all the "vocalization". I dont know how to describe the pain, but I'll give it my best. It feels like someone is sticking a redhot poker through my sternum and out my back and twisting it round and round. Nothing helps ease the pain, it is excruciating to sit or lean against it in any way, but it makes me so dizzy I cant stand through it. Anyway, I was at the point of losing it because of the pain. Literally, I was begging the nurse to give me something, anything for the pain and of course there was nothing they could do until the midwife got there to evaluate the situation. Geoff at one point just sat down next to me in the chair and put his head between his hands and shut down. He was having a really hard time dealing with it too. I am really concerned that if that was my reaction to this situation, am I going to be able to handle labor? I want to deliver this baby naturally. For me that includes no epidural and no analgesic. I am worried though that if I could only handle the gallbladder pain for a few hours, will I be able to handle labor? Are they that different? My midwife assures me that they are. Labor pains, she says, are very intense, however they come in waves and are purposeful. Also, there is a "reward" at the end. Labor produces a baby, where as gallbladder pain is just pain. I am starting to doubt my abilities though. I want my birth experience to be positive, and ultimately the goal is a healthy baby regardless of how labor goes. Even if that means a C-section. I would RATHER not go there though, if we can help it. I know labor is less than a month away, even if he's two weeks past his EDD. His "due date" is only 19 days away at this point, and I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that WE ARE HAVING A BABY! I mean, I know he's there. He does a good job of reminding me, but the concept of having a child that we are completely responsible for, a little life to nurture and care for, a life that is dependent on us, is hard to comprehend. I am trying to imagine my life with this little person in my arms and failing miserably. I dont doubt Geoff and I will be great parents, its not that, its just the changes that are coming seem so monumental that I can't grasp them. Speaking of Geoff, and parenting, my sister had her baby a week or so ago, a beautiful little girl named Monica. She really is beautiful, she looks a lot like her dad but definitely has some of my sister in her. Anyway, we went down to see them and Geoff was amazing with her. It touched my heart to see him so excited about this tiny life. He kept asking my sister questions and wanted to know if it was ok if he swaddled her and held her and he kept referring to the things we learned in our childbirth prep classes and was amazed by this tiny person. If that's his reaction to his niece, how is he going to be with our son? It makes my heart swell to think about. I love my husband so very much. I appreciate him everyday and all the work he does. He goes to work, goes to school and helps out around the house everyday and I am so grateful to have him. Last night he vacuumed the entire house, took out the trash, and did all the dishes while I took a bubble bath. He's truly amazing. I feel so inadequate in so many ways. I desperately want to contribute to his life and enrich it in the same way he's enriched mine. I guess thats part of marriage though, wanting to be better and more for your mate everyday.
Hmm long, random post. My head feels clearer though.
Hmm long, random post. My head feels clearer though.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
getting ready
We've got less than 4 weeks left til my EDD! Which means he could be here in 6 weeks :o)
I've started thinking about getting ready...but havent done too much about it yet. I dont want to pack the hospital bag yet because I dont want to sit around loooking at it for a month or more. We havent installed the car seat yet either, but probably should sooner than later. I did do some prep today though. I made two lasagnas (one is for tonights dinner) and a baked penne. I also bought the stuff to make a chicken pot pie, but I'll deal with that tomorrow. I have a pot of green chili in the fridge that I think I am going to make into some sort of green chili enchiladas. I'm not sure exactly. I just want to make things as easy as possible for us once he gets here. I am tyring to make sure the house is clean and stays that way, so we're starting from ground zero instead of from an already messy house. I already know my biggest pet peeves are going to be dishes and trash. I hate a dirty kitchen and having stuff on the floor. Especially clutter on the floor. I am just too clumsy to step over stuff, I tend to trip and fall. My sister had her baby yesterday, a little girl named Monica Danielle she got here at 11:33am and was ~7lbs. I haven't got to meet her yet, we are going to drive down on Saturday to see her.It made me realize though that there is a lot of other work and thought that goes into after the baby is born. We discussed that last night at childbirth class (our last one!!) The postpartum period can be quite an adjustment for everyone. They gave us a list of questions to go over together so Geoff and I can make sure we are on the same page with expectations. I dont want to put too much pressure on him, because I know he's already struggling with his schedule as is. He will get two weeks of though after the baby is born. I hope that is enough time for me to adjust to being a mom and breast feeding and all of that, so that I can go back to regular activity. I still feel really guilty about being home everyday, doing basically nothing while he struggles to work and go to school. There's not much I can do about it, so I am trying to enjoy the time off. He works so hard to give me everything I want, a nice house, a new car, nice things...but whats really important to me is his happiness. I have been thinking of two different songs lately about us...
the first is my ringtone for my phone...its "We Weren't Crazy" by Josh Gracin
We headed out to california
everybody tried to warn us
said we wouldn’t make it any further
than that worn out chevy would
we broke down a time or two
thought “maybe we didn’t think it through”
we were all we had to turn to
when it wasn’t lookin’ good
lookin’ back laughin’
‘cause they called us crazy
(chorus)
we were young, we were wild, we were restless
had to go, had to fly - had to get away
took a chance on that feelin’ - baby
we were lovin’ blind - borderline reckless
we were livin’ for the minute we were spinnin’ in
maybe we were a lot of things
but we weren’t crazy
just a couple kids a couple years ago
now we got a couple kids of our own
we turn out right - proved them wrong
look at us goin’ strong
lookin’ back laughin’
‘cause they called us crazy
(chorus)
we were young, we were wild, we were restless
had to go, had to fly - had to get away
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
took a chance on that feelin’ - baby
we were lovin’ blind - borderline reckless
we were livin’ for the minute we were spinnin’ in
maybe we were a lot of things
but we weren’t crazy
coulda set it down
when things got tough
coulda walked away from this love
but that’d a been crazy
(chorus)
we were young, we were wild, we were restless
had to go, had to fly - had to get away
took a chance on that feelin’
we were lovin’ blind - borderline reckless
we were livin’ for the minute we were spinnin’ in
maybe we were a lot of things
oh maybe we were a lot of things
but we weren’t crazy
we weren't crazy
we weren't crazy
The other is "In a Real Love" by Phil Vassar
I was 18 makin' minimum wage
With a letterman jacket and a Chevrolet
Thought I was cool
Yeah I ruled the school
You were Cum Laude with the strawberry lips
Had the whole world danglin' at your fingertips
Your senior year
And I was your daddy's worst fear
We ran off on graduation night
Thought a couple of left hand rings would make everything alright
With a little bit a live
Little bit a learn
Little bit a watchin' a few more candles burn
And findin' out what life was
With a little bit o' fuss
Little bit a fight
Little bit a kiss and makin' up all night
And one day wakin' up in a real love
Well I was 22 workin' double overtime
I was spendin' dollars and makin' dimes
We were overdrawn and barely hangin' on
Then one night you came to me
With tears in your eyes and an EPT
And said "guess what, yeah, baby ready or not"
Well, I just smiled but I was scared to death
How am I gonna' have a kid when I'm still a kid myself
With a little bit a live
Little bit a learn
Little bit a watchin' a few more candles burn
And findin' out what life was
With a little bit a fuss
Little bit a fight
Little bit a kiss and makin' up all night
And one day wakin' up in a real love
Yeah baby, it's a real love
theres a few others, like "Two Sparrows in a Hurricane" by Tania Tucker and a few by (of course...)Kenny Chesney like "The Good Stuff" and "Me and You"! But I dont want to clutter this up with lyrics.
All I can say is I love my husband very, very much and have faith that we will be fine as long as we stick together and keep supporting each other.
I've started thinking about getting ready...but havent done too much about it yet. I dont want to pack the hospital bag yet because I dont want to sit around loooking at it for a month or more. We havent installed the car seat yet either, but probably should sooner than later. I did do some prep today though. I made two lasagnas (one is for tonights dinner) and a baked penne. I also bought the stuff to make a chicken pot pie, but I'll deal with that tomorrow. I have a pot of green chili in the fridge that I think I am going to make into some sort of green chili enchiladas. I'm not sure exactly. I just want to make things as easy as possible for us once he gets here. I am tyring to make sure the house is clean and stays that way, so we're starting from ground zero instead of from an already messy house. I already know my biggest pet peeves are going to be dishes and trash. I hate a dirty kitchen and having stuff on the floor. Especially clutter on the floor. I am just too clumsy to step over stuff, I tend to trip and fall. My sister had her baby yesterday, a little girl named Monica Danielle she got here at 11:33am and was ~7lbs. I haven't got to meet her yet, we are going to drive down on Saturday to see her.It made me realize though that there is a lot of other work and thought that goes into after the baby is born. We discussed that last night at childbirth class (our last one!!) The postpartum period can be quite an adjustment for everyone. They gave us a list of questions to go over together so Geoff and I can make sure we are on the same page with expectations. I dont want to put too much pressure on him, because I know he's already struggling with his schedule as is. He will get two weeks of though after the baby is born. I hope that is enough time for me to adjust to being a mom and breast feeding and all of that, so that I can go back to regular activity. I still feel really guilty about being home everyday, doing basically nothing while he struggles to work and go to school. There's not much I can do about it, so I am trying to enjoy the time off. He works so hard to give me everything I want, a nice house, a new car, nice things...but whats really important to me is his happiness. I have been thinking of two different songs lately about us...
the first is my ringtone for my phone...its "We Weren't Crazy" by Josh Gracin
We headed out to california
everybody tried to warn us
said we wouldn’t make it any further
than that worn out chevy would
we broke down a time or two
thought “maybe we didn’t think it through”
we were all we had to turn to
when it wasn’t lookin’ good
lookin’ back laughin’
‘cause they called us crazy
(chorus)
we were young, we were wild, we were restless
had to go, had to fly - had to get away
took a chance on that feelin’ - baby
we were lovin’ blind - borderline reckless
we were livin’ for the minute we were spinnin’ in
maybe we were a lot of things
but we weren’t crazy
just a couple kids a couple years ago
now we got a couple kids of our own
we turn out right - proved them wrong
look at us goin’ strong
lookin’ back laughin’
‘cause they called us crazy
(chorus)
we were young, we were wild, we were restless
had to go, had to fly - had to get away
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
took a chance on that feelin’ - baby
we were lovin’ blind - borderline reckless
we were livin’ for the minute we were spinnin’ in
maybe we were a lot of things
but we weren’t crazy
coulda set it down
when things got tough
coulda walked away from this love
but that’d a been crazy
(chorus)
we were young, we were wild, we were restless
had to go, had to fly - had to get away
took a chance on that feelin’
we were lovin’ blind - borderline reckless
we were livin’ for the minute we were spinnin’ in
maybe we were a lot of things
oh maybe we were a lot of things
but we weren’t crazy
we weren't crazy
we weren't crazy
The other is "In a Real Love" by Phil Vassar
I was 18 makin' minimum wage
With a letterman jacket and a Chevrolet
Thought I was cool
Yeah I ruled the school
You were Cum Laude with the strawberry lips
Had the whole world danglin' at your fingertips
Your senior year
And I was your daddy's worst fear
We ran off on graduation night
Thought a couple of left hand rings would make everything alright
With a little bit a live
Little bit a learn
Little bit a watchin' a few more candles burn
And findin' out what life was
With a little bit o' fuss
Little bit a fight
Little bit a kiss and makin' up all night
And one day wakin' up in a real love
Well I was 22 workin' double overtime
I was spendin' dollars and makin' dimes
We were overdrawn and barely hangin' on
Then one night you came to me
With tears in your eyes and an EPT
And said "guess what, yeah, baby ready or not"
Well, I just smiled but I was scared to death
How am I gonna' have a kid when I'm still a kid myself
With a little bit a live
Little bit a learn
Little bit a watchin' a few more candles burn
And findin' out what life was
With a little bit a fuss
Little bit a fight
Little bit a kiss and makin' up all night
And one day wakin' up in a real love
Yeah baby, it's a real love
theres a few others, like "Two Sparrows in a Hurricane" by Tania Tucker and a few by (of course...)Kenny Chesney like "The Good Stuff" and "Me and You"! But I dont want to clutter this up with lyrics.
All I can say is I love my husband very, very much and have faith that we will be fine as long as we stick together and keep supporting each other.
Friday, September 10, 2010
35 weeks down...33 DAYS to go!
I realized I havent posted in about a month, so I thought I should update. We have pretty much everything done for the baby's arrival. My parents made sure of that! They took me out a weekend or so ago, and bought lots of baby goodies...the bathtub, diaper bag, changing pad, a few heavy blankets, and so on. Nothing insanely major, but all things that will be really, really nice to have. I got his swing in today (we had ordered it online) and got it put together. Annie thinks all the fuzzy, cute things that hang down from the top of it are for her :o) We've been letting the cats in his room during the day in order for them to get used to it, with the caveat that if they go near his crib they get squirted. We won't let them in there while he's asleep, its too risky but we want them to be used to his stuff. We still dont have a name for the little guy. I think I said a few weeks or so ago that we were considering Elijah, which we still are, but I am not sure I LOVE it. It sounds a little preppy to me...or pretentious. I dont know. I just want to LOVE his name and for it be perfect. I am getting a little nervous about his birth and the cost it is going to entail. We just got the bill from the hospital for my ER visit back in July, and I can just imagine the bill after his birth. I am trying to trust God that everything will be ok, and remind myself that its ok to have temporary debt. Its not that we rack up credit card debt like crazy or anything, we are fiscally responsible. And I have to keep reminding myself to enjoy the time off. Its a rare gift for me to have time at home, without the responsibility of a job, baby or school. The baby will be here soon, by even my time home with him will be short and precious and should be savored. I cant wait to hold the little guy in my arms and marvel at the life we've created.
I think that is my problem with his name, I havent come up with a name that I feel is good enough for him. That and I want to wait to see him and hold him to see what suits him. In the next few weeks we need to get his car seat installed and pack the hospital bag. I am putting it off because it seems like there is such a long time til he's coming. I dont want to sit around with my bags packed for weeks on end. Just my luck, he'll come early and I wont be packed.
On that note, I am feeling pretty good these days. I spend a lot of time tired of course, but overall I feel good. The iron supplements seem to be helping with the dizziness. My hips are hurting a lot more now, its difficult to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time or to sleep for more than 6-7 hours at a time. As a result, I take more naps now than I ever have. I should get used to it, because thats the one piece of advice I've heard over and over, "sleep when he sleeps" and babies only sleep a few hours at a time... so I am adjusting quite nicely!
I think that is my problem with his name, I havent come up with a name that I feel is good enough for him. That and I want to wait to see him and hold him to see what suits him. In the next few weeks we need to get his car seat installed and pack the hospital bag. I am putting it off because it seems like there is such a long time til he's coming. I dont want to sit around with my bags packed for weeks on end. Just my luck, he'll come early and I wont be packed.
On that note, I am feeling pretty good these days. I spend a lot of time tired of course, but overall I feel good. The iron supplements seem to be helping with the dizziness. My hips are hurting a lot more now, its difficult to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time or to sleep for more than 6-7 hours at a time. As a result, I take more naps now than I ever have. I should get used to it, because thats the one piece of advice I've heard over and over, "sleep when he sleeps" and babies only sleep a few hours at a time... so I am adjusting quite nicely!
Friday, August 20, 2010
54 days to go! Not that I am counting....
I have less than two months left until Bean's EDD. In some ways, two months seems like a really long time, but when I think back to the end of January, when I first found out I was expecting, it seems like time is flying. I cant believe we will have him in our arms in approximately two months. Its a little surreal that we are going to be parents, permanently, forever, we will have this little man who needs our love and support. I can't wait. That being said, I am so over the third trimester. I dont feel like a lot of women do, at least not yet. I am not at that "get-this-thing-outta-me!" part, I dont feel that big even. I am just tired of being tired! I am continually light headed, dizzy and exhausted. Its hard to sleep because I have to sleep on my side and after 2-3 hours on each side I have to wake up to roll over. That part isnt so bad, I dont mind the waking up. Its the light headedness I can't handle. I hate it! When I wake up in the morning I want to hop out of bed and hit the ground running. I dont want to have to lay on the couch for an hour or more until it goes away. I recently started taking iron supplements due to low iron blood levels, and hopefully that will help. I know iron takes a while to build up in the system so it could be a while until I feel the effects of it. The other symptom I am sort of over is the back pain. I had back pain before the pregnancy, and its progressively gotten worse as the baby gets bigger. It eventually got to the point that it was a contributing factor to me quitting my job. Since I've quit though, I thought it was under control. That is, until yesterday when I went to the Denver Mint with a friend. We walked around for a couple of hours and I was hurting! Even just standing there for a bit while waiting to get in and while looking at the exhibits was bad. Its like a searing pain through my hips and low back. I dont know how to describe it. It makes me feel like a failure though. I feel like the fat kid in gym class, that everyone feels sorry for but is glad its not them. I dont know what to do about it. I guess I need to exercise more and lay around less. I am starting to worry about my ability to go through labor the way I want to. I would like this to be a natural, drug free experience and I've always thought I had a pretty high pain tolerance. Maybe I dont, maybe I've been deluding myself and I am a big weenie! Who knows? I guess we will see how it goes when I get there. Heres the latest belly pic (because everyone loves a mama belly)
Sunday, August 15, 2010
baby shower
We had our baby shower yesterday! It was at my mom's house in Colorado Springs and we did a Dr. Seuss themed shower. Instead of doing a cake, I made cupcakes for it with a Dr. Seuss theme, I did "Horton Hears a Who", "Green Eggs and Ham" and the fish from "Cat in the Hat" Heres pictures of them I had a lot of fun doing them!
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| cupcakes |
We got some wonderful gifts, lots of clothes, bibs, socks and things like that. We also go a great Pack N Play, and baby monitors and lots of blankets. I have all of his blankets and things in the wash now, I cant wait to get his stuff all put away and finish getting ready for our little guy. We finally settled on a name (for the most part, you never know) Elijah James Robinson. Or Eli for short. Geoff had a good point on that actually. We were trying to find the "perfect" name, and I dont think we ever will find a name that embodies every trait we want in our son. However, as we get to know this little Bean and the name becomes his it will start to be the perfect name for him. And Elijah definitely has that potential.
I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed with all of the preparation for his birth and for taking care of a child. We still need a stroller, swing and a few other miscellaneous things for him. Its stressful with me not working and all of that. Oh well, we have everything we need for him to be take care of, we have diapers, clothes, a car seat and crib. I love this little man and want us to be good parents for him. We finished the baptism classes and are getting excited for that part of it too.
Beyond baptism classes, we have been taking birth classes too. Its nice to get a more clear vision of what I want for labor and delivery. We are considering having a doula (and good friend) of ours attend the birth in addition to my mom and of course Geoff. I am not sure whether or not we need a doula, but it could be a great support for me and Geoff, and having her there could be a good advocate for me too. We are going to look into it a little more and see what we think. Well thats all for now.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
finished room
We finished Bean's room! Heres some pics...
it took several days and lots of time, but I am really happy with it. We thought long and hard about whether or not to paint it green or blue....but decided blue is more soothing. I love how it turned out. The furniture was a gift from Bean's grandparents. My parents bought the crib and Geoff's dad bought the changing table. The rocking chair was my mom's when she was pregnant with me and now its mine for Bean. We obviously still do not have a name for the little guy. We're considering Miles, Luke, Levi and some others. Its so hard because we want his name to be strong, and meaningful. I have this image of a sort of kind hearted, gentle leader and Geoff has more of a powerful doctor/lawyer persona in mind. I dont really care what he grows up to be, as long as he is a good person full of compassion and strength. Its so hard to pick a name too, knowing its so permanent. He will be saddled with it for the rest of his life, and we want it to be meaningful. At the same time, a persons name doesnt make them, they make their name. I am sure we will come to a conclusion at some point soon. I like names like Jackson and Bentley, but they are pretty unusual, and Jackson Robinson is pretty awful. I like names like John and Mathew, but I dont want to use a name that is too common or popular, and I dont want to use a name of someone who I dated at some point either which rules out Mark and Thomas. (as far as biblical names) anyway, we will decide at some point in the next 9 weeks or so. I hope he pretty much on time, I dont want him to come to early, but I'd rather not go to 41 or 42 weeks and be staring down and induction either. So thats where we are for now. 31 weeks down, 9ish to go. We started birth classes last week and its been fun and interesting to start to prepare for his arrival. I am sure over the next few weeks we will learn more and I will start to get more anxious, but right now it doesnt feel so real. I mean, I know he's coming as evidenced by the nursery we've spent the last week setting up but the reality of having a child has not set in yet. Will we be good parents? How will we know what to do? What if we do something wrong? What if I lose my temper with him? So many questions! I guess thats why we take it one day at a time and go from there. :o)
it took several days and lots of time, but I am really happy with it. We thought long and hard about whether or not to paint it green or blue....but decided blue is more soothing. I love how it turned out. The furniture was a gift from Bean's grandparents. My parents bought the crib and Geoff's dad bought the changing table. The rocking chair was my mom's when she was pregnant with me and now its mine for Bean. We obviously still do not have a name for the little guy. We're considering Miles, Luke, Levi and some others. Its so hard because we want his name to be strong, and meaningful. I have this image of a sort of kind hearted, gentle leader and Geoff has more of a powerful doctor/lawyer persona in mind. I dont really care what he grows up to be, as long as he is a good person full of compassion and strength. Its so hard to pick a name too, knowing its so permanent. He will be saddled with it for the rest of his life, and we want it to be meaningful. At the same time, a persons name doesnt make them, they make their name. I am sure we will come to a conclusion at some point soon. I like names like Jackson and Bentley, but they are pretty unusual, and Jackson Robinson is pretty awful. I like names like John and Mathew, but I dont want to use a name that is too common or popular, and I dont want to use a name of someone who I dated at some point either which rules out Mark and Thomas. (as far as biblical names) anyway, we will decide at some point in the next 9 weeks or so. I hope he pretty much on time, I dont want him to come to early, but I'd rather not go to 41 or 42 weeks and be staring down and induction either. So thats where we are for now. 31 weeks down, 9ish to go. We started birth classes last week and its been fun and interesting to start to prepare for his arrival. I am sure over the next few weeks we will learn more and I will start to get more anxious, but right now it doesnt feel so real. I mean, I know he's coming as evidenced by the nursery we've spent the last week setting up but the reality of having a child has not set in yet. Will we be good parents? How will we know what to do? What if we do something wrong? What if I lose my temper with him? So many questions! I guess thats why we take it one day at a time and go from there. :o)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Beans room
School is almost over! We have three days left, well two after this class. I am typing this from the computer lab at school waiting for our Prof. to finish doing whatever he's doing with Youtube. I have one psych test, one pysch paper and my math final to finish up and I'm done. I am going to try to get most of that done tonight. Geoff and I went to Home Depot on Sunday to pick up some paint samples. The pictures didnt turn out so great, but I'll post them below. Its hard to pick colors, we dont have a bedding set to co-ordinate with and we're not planning on buying one. A lot of people are annoyed or surprised when I tell them this, but my thoughts on it are this: 1) The complete set will be on his bed once. After that I am sure he'll spit up or have a diaper blow out or something like that which requires me to change the crib sheet or something like that. 2) I am not planning on using bumper pads because they are no longer recommended the APA or my doctor. Good enough for me. I understand he can get his little arm or leg between the bars, but I'd rather that than risk suffocation. That being said, the risk of suffocation is very low (I think it was 27 deaths over the past 5 years?) but why risk it? 3) I dont want to tied to one theme. I want to be free to use rocket ships or robots or trucks or whatever strikes me as fitting the little guy. Anyway, I digress. My mom made us some adorable recieving blankets that I will post after she gives them to me at my shower (I've already seen them, but that way everyone can see them!) And they are mostly earthtones, lots of green, taupe, brown, blues and surprisingly-orange. I dont want to clash with that which is why we are leaning towards blue not green. And his crib is cherry and I like the brown and blue thing alot, although green and blue is pretty handsome too. I dont know-its a hard choice and I want the best for my son. I am having a lot more anxiety over this than I feel like I should-I mean its just paint right? That being said, I want it to look great and for us to be able to be proud of it. I can't wait to be done with school so I can focus on getting ready for Bean! We have our first birthing class tomorrow and I am excited about it, I think it'll make it seem more real. I am getting nervous/anxious about the whole thing which is weird for me. It doesnt seem real that in less than 3 months I'll have a little baby who depends on me for everything. What if I screw up? What if I'm a bad mom? What if I lose my temper? Oh man. I dont know if the break from school is gonna be beneficial or detremental to my mental health.... Anyway, enough rambling. Baby shower is next saturday (the 14th) and we should have his room done by then! I'll post pictures of it on facebook as we get stuff done.
http://www.behr.com/dsm-ext/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2e39ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD&vgnextfmt=default#vgnextoid=6bd8ea6621ca5110VgnVCM1000008119fea9RCRD;view=14;channel=EXPLORE
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| the green color...it looks better in person. "cornhusk"by Behr |
Saturday, July 24, 2010
third trimester blahs
Hello all!
We are firmly in the third trimester, with only 80 days to go! I can't believe time is going so fast. My baby shower is scheduled for August 14 at my moms house, in Colorado Springs, which should be a blast. Beyond that, Bean and I are still trudging through school. I dont say "trudging" lightly, because that really is what it feels like. As much as I enjoy school and WANT to finish this program, he's just taking it out of me right now! I can barely function by the time class is over and spend the weekends lamenting how far behind I am in everything. Geoff keeps messing with me saying "well, its good the house is messy now, it'll give you something to do once I go back to school!" I am actually worried about what I am going to do with myself once he goes back to school and I am alone, at home, everyday. I'm gonna go insane. I need a hobby and fast. Maybe I'll go buy a scrapbook and actually make my wedding album I promised myself two years ago. Or maybe I'll start on Bean's baby book. Who knows? Maybe I'll get a library card and go the library every day and read a ton of books. I have to admit, I am a little afraid of having that kind of free time. Its been years since I've had time off like that, with no work or school to occupy myself with. I guess there is a difference in being alone and being lonely. As far as the star of this show goes, Bean is doing great. My gallbladder is still acting up and probably will continue to. If I stick to a very lowfat diet however, it seems to be more bearable. Bean is getting so big, I can actually see my stomach move on the outside now when he kicks. Geoff has been more to feel the little guy too. We do not have a name picked out for our little man yet, but have it narrowed down to either Eli(jah) James or Miles James. I dont know if it would be just "Eli" or "Elijah" but we'll see. I was really pulling for Elijah at first, but I have to admit, Miles is really growing on me. Surprisingly enough, my dad really likes it too. Not that its his choice, or that his opinion matters all that much, but its nice to know. The rest of the parents seem to be able to go either way on it. hmm Miles James Robinson. Say it aloud, it has a nice ring to it. Then again, so does Eli James Robinson.... haha.
On a school front, I have 2 weeks left, then Geoff and I have a week of vacation, then he has a week back at work before school starts August 23. Our week of vacation time is also going to be spent doing childbirth classes in the evening and baptism classes. We also will have time to get his room cleaned out, painted and crib set up. Anything beyond that might wait til he goes back to school so I have something to do with myself :o) Well thats all folks.
We are firmly in the third trimester, with only 80 days to go! I can't believe time is going so fast. My baby shower is scheduled for August 14 at my moms house, in Colorado Springs, which should be a blast. Beyond that, Bean and I are still trudging through school. I dont say "trudging" lightly, because that really is what it feels like. As much as I enjoy school and WANT to finish this program, he's just taking it out of me right now! I can barely function by the time class is over and spend the weekends lamenting how far behind I am in everything. Geoff keeps messing with me saying "well, its good the house is messy now, it'll give you something to do once I go back to school!" I am actually worried about what I am going to do with myself once he goes back to school and I am alone, at home, everyday. I'm gonna go insane. I need a hobby and fast. Maybe I'll go buy a scrapbook and actually make my wedding album I promised myself two years ago. Or maybe I'll start on Bean's baby book. Who knows? Maybe I'll get a library card and go the library every day and read a ton of books. I have to admit, I am a little afraid of having that kind of free time. Its been years since I've had time off like that, with no work or school to occupy myself with. I guess there is a difference in being alone and being lonely. As far as the star of this show goes, Bean is doing great. My gallbladder is still acting up and probably will continue to. If I stick to a very lowfat diet however, it seems to be more bearable. Bean is getting so big, I can actually see my stomach move on the outside now when he kicks. Geoff has been more to feel the little guy too. We do not have a name picked out for our little man yet, but have it narrowed down to either Eli(jah) James or Miles James. I dont know if it would be just "Eli" or "Elijah" but we'll see. I was really pulling for Elijah at first, but I have to admit, Miles is really growing on me. Surprisingly enough, my dad really likes it too. Not that its his choice, or that his opinion matters all that much, but its nice to know. The rest of the parents seem to be able to go either way on it. hmm Miles James Robinson. Say it aloud, it has a nice ring to it. Then again, so does Eli James Robinson.... haha.
On a school front, I have 2 weeks left, then Geoff and I have a week of vacation, then he has a week back at work before school starts August 23. Our week of vacation time is also going to be spent doing childbirth classes in the evening and baptism classes. We also will have time to get his room cleaned out, painted and crib set up. Anything beyond that might wait til he goes back to school so I have something to do with myself :o) Well thats all folks.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
taking a leap of faith
I quit my job. Its been a long time coming and without getting into the gory details, I feel like it was the best thing for me and Bean. Its a scary position to be in, Bean is due in 13 weeks and I am now unemployed. On top of that, I am still in school right now and spent the weekend in the hospital because my gallbladder needs to come out. Its full of stones and sludge which sort of grosses me out. I have to follow a low fat diet in order to control the flare ups and hopefully that will buy us enough time to finish the pregnancy. My doctor is concerned about operating now because Bean is big enough to possibly be in the way, and if they accidentally ruptured the placenta or something like that, we would have to deliver him now. His chances of survival at this point are about 90% but he's very premature. I am not willing to do anything at this point to risk this pregnancy or my babies health. So a low fat diet it is. If it flares up badly again, we may still have to operate now, but we are gonna try and control it with diet and pain meds if necessary. I am worried about him though, I love this bean and want whats best for him. I want to go to at LEAST 38 weeks if possible, and would prefer to give him all the time he needs and let him decide when he's ready. Back to the job thing though, I have hated my boss for pretty much forever, and she has been less than helpful throughout this pregnancy. My back and hips have started having a lot of issues with the standing and lifting involved in the job, and I am exhausted all the time now. I am looking forward to more time with my hubby and time to get Bean's room ready before he gets here. However, I am extremely concerned about money. My parents have decided to bless us with financial help until January to keep us on our feet. I am struggling with feeling worthless and lazy because I dont have a job, and I feel like I should be able to do it all. I also feel like a problem because I have had more than my share of medical issues this year, with my back going out in February and now this. Geoff is never sick or injured. Not that I want him to be, its just frustrating that I am such a loser. On that note, he has been beyond amazing. He's been supportive, kind and patient with me and all that we've been going through. I know how much I loved him when we got married, but it pales in comparison to how deeply I love him now. I cant wait to be the mother of his child and give him the gift of a healthy son. He's gonna be an amazing father and is already an amazing husband. We bought Beans carseat this weekend too and got a great deal on it! It was on sale, and Geoff's dad had given us a $50 gift card to Babies R Us so we ended up paying only $60 for a $150 carseat. Now I am praying for peace and trust to be comfortable with my decision and hoping I am not a fool for walking away from my job. I was so excited when I started there, and I am equally relieved to have the opportunity to walk away now. Sigh. Bed time I guess.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
23 weeks
Bean and I are 23w1d today and have a 118 days to go! I am feeling a TON of movement now, which I seriously love. I am having to relearn how to sleep now because I am so used to sleeping on my stomach, which is not an option anymore, it hurts waaaay to much. I need to call and schedule our next check-up and follow up ultrasound! I can't wait to see his little face this time, he is already so big. His daddy and I were talking last night and its hard to think about how different our lives are now. I told him I felt sort of guilty when I got pregnant because it changes a lot of things, more so for him than for me. For me, the only change is now I have to take a year off school and work part time and take care of Bean. For him, it means keeping his job at Wal-Mart another two years or so and finishing school over the next 2-3 years. He's already been in school for 5 years. In all fairness, if he had committed to school more over the past 5 years he would be done now, but then he wouldn't have the job he has and we wouldn't be in the house we're in. On the other hand, he could be in an engineering job at the moment too. Or unemployed. Who knows? He keeps quoting this line from Kung Fu Panda to me "The past is history. The future a mystery. But today is a gift, that's why its called the present." Haha. Sorta cheesy but true. I need to learn to relax more and focus on living our life to the best of our ability. I love my husband and unborn Bean, and when its all said and done it doesnt matter if every night I cook the healthiest dinner or have the cleanest house. What matters is if we take time for each other everyday and enjoy each other's company and if our son sees parents who love each other and love him. I dont want to raise him in a household with power parents who make 6 figures a year and never see him or spend time with him. On the other hand, I dont want to put us in a situation where we can't afford to buy him shoes for school or sign him up for football because we are broke. Its a fine balance. I have a unusual drive to be successful, and to work all the time and constantly improve our life. Its time to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. Its time to enjoy this pregnancy and spend time reflecting on the kind of parents we want to be. Its time to be excited and anticipate this little life we've created. Its NOT time to pack every moment of everyday with stuff to do and goals that must be achieved. Sigh. Ok, enough ranting and raving. I will keep this updated after our apt. next week.
Monday, June 7, 2010
almost 22 weeks...and its a...
I have been feeling Bean move more and more. I love it! School has been going well, just really busy. Its not hard, just really time consuming. I enjoy learning about all the ways to reach little minds. We had our 20 week ultra sound this last week, and for those who don't know (which is pretty much everyone at this point) its a BOY! We're having a son, a boy bean! I have to admit, I was sorta shocked and slightly upset at first. That lasted an hour or so, and now I can't imagine having anything else. Geoff had a good point, we need more boys. Theres him, and my brother on either side of the family and thats it! I think it would be sorta sweet to have the first grandson, but we'll see. It'd be fun for Bean if Chels is having a boy too, then he'd have a buddy his age. I spent a lot of this past weekend checking out nursery decor. We considered a lot of options, including frogs, rockets, yellow and blue, chocolate and blue, etc. We decided on an adorable plaid quilt in primary colors and primary colored boy themed crib sheets and decor. We're thinking trucks, rockets, animals, Dr. Seuss, etc. I think it'll be great. I think we're gonna paint his room a soft, warmish blue with a light cloud pattern to it, and do airplanes and rockets and trucks etc on the walls in the form of wall hangings. My mom is gonna make the quilt, and some receiving blankets. I can't wait to see how it all goes down. We need to get the room set up and cleaned up soon so we can get started on the nursery part! I can't wait. Everyone seems really excited to be having a boy, and I can't wait to meet this amazing little person in my belly :o) We have to go back for another ultrasound because Bean wouldn't co-operate and they need to see his face. I dont mind, more pictures for me!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Half way there!
Hello all!
Today Bean is half way baked :o) I am 20 weeks exactly today, and dying to find out what Bean is!
I had to reschedule our ultrasound for June 1 because of school. Stupid school. Actually, I have really enjoyed school thus far. I've learned a lot, and am amazed at how exhausting it is to be in class from 8-5 everyday. That will only last through this Thursday, and then one of my classes will be over! Yay! Its been super busy. On a seperate note, I finished up my bachelors degree with 2 B's and 2 A's...not so bad! Graduation was super fun, Geoff's grandparents, dad, Dawn, and Laura came up, as did my parents. It was nice to have everyone here and enjoy dinner and then graduation. Geoff's grandma gave us a big bag of baby goodies, including a blanket that was made for his dad by his great-grandmother (I think it was great, I need to check on that) anyway, it is so cool to have something like that. Its blue on one side, and pink on the other and beautifully quilted. I am afraid to really use it, but want Bean to have access to it and understand how important things like that are. I think that was my favorite graduation present of all, because it is something that means so much.
I am starting to feel more movement now, nothing really concrete, but if I pay enough attention then I get some flutters and bumps. I wish I could feel more movement, but am content that Bean is ok for now. We had to go into the doctor 2 weeks ago or so, because I was having massive cramps and pain beneath my rib cage. I guess I pulled or tore my stomach muscles from vomiting. Gross. That and stress, but if I keep taking my prilosec or whatever, it seems better. It starts hurting again if I get stressed out though.
I am going to try to upload a belly pic on here if I can. Well I will update more on June 1, so we all know what the gender is :o)
19 weeks, 4 days
Today Bean is half way baked :o) I am 20 weeks exactly today, and dying to find out what Bean is!
I had to reschedule our ultrasound for June 1 because of school. Stupid school. Actually, I have really enjoyed school thus far. I've learned a lot, and am amazed at how exhausting it is to be in class from 8-5 everyday. That will only last through this Thursday, and then one of my classes will be over! Yay! Its been super busy. On a seperate note, I finished up my bachelors degree with 2 B's and 2 A's...not so bad! Graduation was super fun, Geoff's grandparents, dad, Dawn, and Laura came up, as did my parents. It was nice to have everyone here and enjoy dinner and then graduation. Geoff's grandma gave us a big bag of baby goodies, including a blanket that was made for his dad by his great-grandmother (I think it was great, I need to check on that) anyway, it is so cool to have something like that. Its blue on one side, and pink on the other and beautifully quilted. I am afraid to really use it, but want Bean to have access to it and understand how important things like that are. I think that was my favorite graduation present of all, because it is something that means so much.
I am starting to feel more movement now, nothing really concrete, but if I pay enough attention then I get some flutters and bumps. I wish I could feel more movement, but am content that Bean is ok for now. We had to go into the doctor 2 weeks ago or so, because I was having massive cramps and pain beneath my rib cage. I guess I pulled or tore my stomach muscles from vomiting. Gross. That and stress, but if I keep taking my prilosec or whatever, it seems better. It starts hurting again if I get stressed out though.
I am going to try to upload a belly pic on here if I can. Well I will update more on June 1, so we all know what the gender is :o)
Monday, May 3, 2010
flutters
I felt Bean move!! At least I am pretty sure I did. I felt light flutters across my lower abdomen. It sorta felt like when you barely run your fingertips across your belly, except from the inside. I *think* I have felt him/her move twice now. I wish I could feel more distinct movements, it would be reassuring to know s/he's moving around in there. We also bought a car. I am really surprised how easy it was and what we found. We got a 2006 Kia Optima, 33k miles. We spent less on it than we thought, and that was a huge blessing because then we had money left over to pay off medical bills. That was a huge concern for me, and one of the biggest points of contention about this purchase. It was a big relief to get this aspect of baby preparation taken care of. We're wrapping up the last week of school this week, and I have 2 stats projects left, a paper for British Empire, and wrapping up my capstone-then two finals. Its a little overwhelming, but the reward will be great.
On a separate note, I have been having a massive amount of back pain lately. I have prescription for percocet but am reluctant to take it. My midwife said its OK, because the benefits outweigh the risks, but it makes me uncomfortable to be on high-power pain pills with Bean exposed to them. I am hoping for relief by resting and ice/heat. I am also under the care of a chiropractor, which was helping a lot more when I could lay on my stomach. :( at this point he doesn't feel comfortable having me lay on my stomach. Once school is out, I should have more time to rest and hopefully get some relief.
On a side note...i have a online poll up to guess Beans gender, weight, birthday, etc. go there now and guess!
http://www.expectnet.com/game.php (enter in "Beansbirth" as the name of the game)
On a separate note, I have been having a massive amount of back pain lately. I have prescription for percocet but am reluctant to take it. My midwife said its OK, because the benefits outweigh the risks, but it makes me uncomfortable to be on high-power pain pills with Bean exposed to them. I am hoping for relief by resting and ice/heat. I am also under the care of a chiropractor, which was helping a lot more when I could lay on my stomach. :( at this point he doesn't feel comfortable having me lay on my stomach. Once school is out, I should have more time to rest and hopefully get some relief.
On a side note...i have a online poll up to guess Beans gender, weight, birthday, etc. go there now and guess!
http://www.expectnet.com/game.php (enter in "Beansbirth" as the name of the game)
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