Looking Back and Looking Ahead

I know its cliche, but I love writing a New Years post, for nothing else, its a place for ME to go back and read what was going on in summary and to see if I did in fact achieve the goals I laid out for myself in the coming year. Today is almost the last day of 2013, and wow....has 2013 been a year. Here's a wrap up of what went down.
January-I hate my job, Geoff decides he can't do school anymore.
Feb-I don't remember
March-Geoff turned 26. We formally decided to start "trying" to have a baby.
April-I was non-renewed (sorta fired) from my job, which I hated anyway. I still cried like a baby.
May-School wrapped up, I started interviewing and applying everywhere!! I got the job at University!
June-we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. Geoff got promoted to be an assistant manager and left for training.

Cheyenne Frontier Days-7/2013

Red Feather 8/2013

July-Geoff spent this whole month in Denver, training for his new position, Eli and I traveled to Galveston, TX with my mom and spent a week on the beach. It was fun!!
August-I started my new job, Geoff started his. We also got to go camping at Red Feather and it was the best family vacation we've ever had!
September-We decided to change Eli's daycare situation for a lot of reasons

Pumpkin Farm 10/2013

October-Eli turned 3. Geoff and I went through some very difficult times in our marriage.
November-I turned 27, we celebrated Thanksgiving with my parents

After Mass 12/2013

December-my parents came up for Christmas Day

So here we are. Big things on the horizon for the Robinson Family this year are (in no particular order): trying to have a baby, buying a house, maybe moving out of Northern Colorado, becoming debt free.

We are praying and considering what to do in terms of housing for next year. Our lease here is up in August, and while we have enjoyed the house we are in, we absolutely do not want to stay here. The house is way to big for the 3 of us and we do NOT want a room mate again. We are paying a lot more than I would like as well. Since neither of us are in school anymore, we are not specifically tied to one place. We are in the process of praying and considering the best place for us to live. Both Geoff's and my family are in Colorado Springs and we both would like to be geographically closer to our parents. However, we both have jobs up here that we LOVE. I absolutely love my school and my job. I enjoy the other teachers, the students, the administration is very supportive, I love everything about it. I think that would be hard to replace and give up if we were to move. Geoff is up for a promotion in August, and could apply for a promotion in the Springs, however August is much too late for me to apply for jobs in the Springs. He could move laterally into his same position to the Springs, but that would delay his promotion a year. I don't feel like him giving up the chance to be promoted is a good move for us, as a promotion at this point would mean more money and less crappy hours. There is a lot to consider. In addition, I am TIRED of moving!! I have moved 8 times or so in the last 7 years. I am tired of it!!! I am ready to settle in somewhere and be there for a while. We have some time to consider what our options are.

On the baby note-if it ever happens, I'll let you know.

On the debt-free note, we are doing Dave Ramsey's plan. I have several friends who have done it and loved it, and Geoff and I are in need of a money-makeover. We are doing OK, but there is always room for improvement. We are working on becoming debt free, this year's goal is all personal debt (Car, credit card, personal line of credit, etc.) and building an emergency fund. Next will be tackling student debt, then I would like to save to put Geoff through the rest of his schooling with cash. A tall order, but we can do it together.

On a more personal note, I am continuing the goal I have had for the past 4 months of continuing to get in better shape. I am in the process of giving up wheat/gluten entirely. I may eventually have to give up grain altogether but for now, I am giving up wheat. There are a lot of reasons, one is I have PCOS and that makes it VERY difficult to lose weight and get pregnant. I would very much like a sibling for E, so if wheat/gluten is the key to that, then so be it. I have also been struggling with skin break-outs, exhaustion, etc. I want to work out and lose weight that way, but I have been so tired its hard to find time. I am hoping cleaner eating will give me the boost I need to continue on my healthier lifestyle journey.

What are your goals for 2014?

Here comes Halloween!

Halloween is just around the corner, folks. I can't believe its already here. School has been amazing. I LOVE my job. My students are fantastic, they are motivated to learn and have been taught to be polite, respectful and see the value of their own education. My 6th graders are learning about world populations and globalization, its fun to see them try to figure out how we are all connected and how we rely so much on other countries. My 7th graders are currently learning about Egypt. I LOVE teaching Egypt! I love how they can't quite figure out how or why the Egyptians did things... they try to take Egypt and stuff it into their own limited understanding of the world. I had them write their names in hieroglyphics and it was awesome. We illustrated an Egyptian fairy tale, we've watched a video of a person being mummified, its been so rewarding to get to know these individuals who are our future world leaders. This year has been very refreshing and has reminded me why I went into teaching.

Of course-there are still challenges and struggles. I am having a difficult time staying on a strict diet and making it to the gym. Geoff's new schedule has presented its own set of challenges and has been hard to get around. Its hard when he works 12-10 on my day off. Eli misses his dad at night most days because Geoff doesnt get off until 6 or 10 depending on the day. Our days off haven't overlapped much lately, and it sucks. I miss my husband. I find myself staying up late to spend time with him and then I am exhausted the next day. We are working hard though to build up our relationship to get through the rough times :) We are currently 3/4 of the way done with our 30 days of no spending. We have not been grocery shopping since October 3, except to buy eggs, milk, butter, and apples. We did splurge the other day because Geoff had cash and we went to Chili for dinner. We also got Starbucks one day as a "mini date" because we found ourselves with an Eli free hour :) I don't really count that as spending. As a result we have been able to pay off a medical bill that had been hanging over our heads! We are trying to use Dave Ramsay's debt snowball principle to eliminate unwanted debt. Its been useful so far, but we have only paid off one debt too. I think in the next 1.5-2 years we will be debt free (minus student loans)! That is exciting. I can't imagine not having a car payment, credit card payment, etc. Only utilities, house payment, food, childcare. It will be awesome.

The other big thing in our lives is we have decided we would like to have another baby at some point sooner than later. I have been diagnosed with PCOS but recently went to the doctor and had a full blood panel done. I started a new med to help get things under control and am trying very hard to stick to a very low carb diet because insulin intolerance is part of PCOS. We are not going to do anything more drastic right now to aid in that process. I am excited to add a squishy to our family at some point though :)

Eli is doing amazing as well, he started a new preschool at the beginning of October and he LOVES IT!
Here is a video of him singing a song he learned there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MGApdUofuc

Baaaacck to schooooooool.....(in your best Billy Madison voice)

Oh, where to begin? Its been approximately 2 months since my last blog post and there is a lot going on in the Robinson Family (as always).

I got a job! In my last post I mentioned I had interviewed and was waiting to hear back from a charter school, well I got the job! I am the new 6th,7th,8th grade teacher at University Schools. Its a charter school here in Greeley that started out as a lab school which was connected to the University of Northern Colorado. It has since grown and we are actually getting a new middle school this fall. The awesome part about that is I will get to help open and establish the new building. We are getting all new furniture, equipment, SMART boards and so on. I am very excited. I am also looking forward to my new schedule. Its a block schedule, so I will be teaching one 90 minute section of each grade a day, then repeat on the next day. I can not wait to have 90 minute classes and only teach each lesson twice (once a day). Planning shouldn't be too much of a hassle either, considering I get a 60 minute plan and I can repeat each lesson once before moving on. The biggest challenge will being prepped for all three grades, but I hope I can get into a rhythm and not have to stress over it. I am also VERY excited about being able to collaborate with my peer teachers. I am working with, what I think, will be an amazing, intelligent, dedicated group of women who were so warm and inviting to me at my interview. I really feel comfortable and happy to be starting at University.

In other news, Geoff just finished up an 8 week training program for a promotion! He is now an assistant manager at Wal-mart, he moved down to the south store, but is still here in Greeley. He had to do an 8 week training in Denver and we missed him SO MUCH!! He was able to come home on the weekends, but still, Eli and I were miserable with out him. Along with his new title, he got a pay raise, which makes up for the small pay cut I took in moving jobs. It is also very likely that he will be eligible for a promotion in one year, which would mean he could be a shift manager and that would be a very large pay raise. Wal-mart is building a new store in Windsor, which is only about 20 minutes from where we live and it should be opening this time next year...so fingers crossed that Geoff can land that store! It would be a great opportunity for our family. Of course, as the old saying goes, if you want to make God laugh-tell him your plans.

As a family, we are trying to focus less on our own desires and more on what God has for us. That has been a huge theme for me this summer! I have really had to let go of my own expectations and realize that happiness is a choice, and that God can fulfill me in all things if I give him the chance. Geoff has had some similar soul-searching this summer through an unlikely source-his schooling. He made the decision earlier this year to drop out of CSU and pursue online education. It was a very difficult, painstaking, and heartbreaking decision for him to come to, but we feel it was the right choice for him and for our family as a whole. He is almost done with his first semester through Regis University and he has been so much happier and more successful! He is taking a required class right now, titled "Leading Lives That Matter" and through this course he has had to really take a step back and evaluate who he is and who he wants to be in terms of his live choices and being a good husband and father. He has really grown a lot and we have been able to rededicate ourselves to each other and to being the kind of spouses and parents that we need to be.

One other big change for us, we have started making the switch to a whole-foods approach. I am sick and tired of being fat and out of shape. I bought a cookbook that has been very inspiring, its call "From Scratch" and its amazing. I am terrified of what this lifestyle change might mean for me, and I am terrified of eating whole milk, real bacon, real butter, soaked grains and fermented foods. I am scared of fats. I have been indoctrinated into a society where fat=bad and low carb=good. I am not having any success on my stupid low carb, low fat diet though, so a 100% whole food approach it is. In case you don't know what  a "whole foods approach" is, its eating from scratch. If your great-grandparents wouldn't know what it is or where it came from, don't eat it. Its real food. Its chicken thighs, bone broth, lots of veggies cooked in butter, whole milk, pastured eggs, pastured beef. Its NOT processed, packaged or boxed. I am concerned with how this is going to work with me going back to work in a week or so, but I am dedicated and determined to make it happen. I will have to set aside time to make bone broth (stock) and bread, I will have to be conscientious about what I chose to pack in my lunch. I bought a fridge for my classroom, so hopefully between cold options and my thermos, I can bring real, healthy, left overs to work everyday! I have made 3 loaves of bread so far and LOVED them. I have sourdough starter bubbling away on my cabinet, I have sourdough crackers proofing in my kitchen, and I have milk kefir and pickles fermenting in mason jars in the kitchen. I am scared of doing all this, but more afraid not to. Geoff and I have always agreed that we wanted to teach Eli to be a good eater and to eat a healthy, varied diet. Well, he's now almost 3 and eats almost anything we put in front of him. However, its beyond time to start instilling that in every aspect of our lives and doing the best we can for him and for us. I also am going to try out a gym for a few weeks and see if I can make that a regular part of my routine. Geoff and I are commited to walking as much as possible, but with his new schedule (3 on, 3 off and 8-8 shifts) and winter coming, it might be difficult to get in exercise time. I am going to try going to the gym 4 days a week for an hour right after work. I am honestly  nervous about the gym. It seems the gym is for skinny, healthy people. Not fat girls :) But I have to start somewhere and if its 30min of cardio and 30min of weights, so be it. I will keep this updated on our progress.

April Showers Bring May Flowers....and Mayflowers bring PILGRIMS!

hardy har har.
I just recently taught colonization and have been dying to use that joke.
I am finally feeling at peace with the whole work situation. I still don't have a job, I have had several interviews but no offers. It always comes back with "its not you, its me" or "we hired someone with more experience" or "we reposted the job because we need a perfect fit..." blah blah blah. Who knows. I recently had an interview at a charter school I would very much like to work at. I should hear back very soon (like by Wednesday) if I got it or not. I really hope I did. Its a combined 6th, 7th, 8th position at a smaller charter school, class sizes of 24, lots of room for creativity and collaboration, two things that were sorely missing from my old job. But even if I don't get it, I am sure something will come along shortly. If not, I feel at peace. I want to enjoy my summer with my rapidly growing little man. I can't believe how big Eli has gotten. He is so thoughtful and polite and silly. I know "polite" is not a word people usually use to describe 2 year olds, but I get compliments all the time from complete strangers about how good he is at using his manners or how he uses his words so nicely. He is incredible and I want to focus on him. I am still so bitter over the last year, I feel like that whole 9 months was lost and I gained little. I gained experience, which is definitely valued, but I kept telling myself "just get through this year, next year will be so much better". I kept my lessons carefully organized and filed so I could refer to them again for next year, and now who knows. I have nothing. I am trying to let it all go and be at peace with my situation, but its difficult.

I spent some time today doing something I love. I made two cakes for a friend's daughter for graduation. It felt so good to be back in the kitchen. I have realized I NEED a creative outlet. That means I need to set aside time each week for ME to do something creative. I am going to focus on getting E's scrapbook caught up this summer. I am so behind on pictures and the whole thing. I am going to go to dollar tree and look for some cheap stickers and paper for Eli to scrap book with me :) I think he'd love it. I also have a new sewing machine I haven't gotten to use, and I am SO excited to learn! I would love to be able to sew a few things for the baby we are HOPING to add to our family next year! Geoff and I decided to TTC this summer. I am so excited. I have had baby fever for months now :) The other thing I have been enjoying greatly is gardening. We have been working on our vegetable garden for weeks now and we have a whole lot of little green sprouts coming up. We recently planted strawberries and tomatoes, and roses! I love rose bushes. They are blooming and looking beautiful. My goals this summer

1. walk every day
2. lose 15lbs before I get pregnant
3. learn to sew
4. continue gardening
5. get Eli's scrap book up to date
6. relax and enjoy the summer with Eli. I have only seen him 3 hours a day for 9 months. I am ready for some baby time

On a related note- Geoff just got promoted to be an assistant manager, which means in a year he will be promotable to a co-manager and he would make a lot more money than he is making now. I could possibly stay home for a year or so at that point if I wanted to. We just have to get through this year. Lots of love and peace for the Robinson family. I hope your summer is great too! Thanks for reading.

April Showers bring...a lot of change.

Its time for my monthly blog post :) 

Wow-there is a lot of change in the works for the Robinson Family. First of all, the Hunger Games is on Netflix and that is awesome! 

On a more serious note-As of right now, I do not have a job for next school year. 

Budget cuts and being a late hire, coupled with the fact that it has been a super hard year for me mean that its time to dust off the ole resume and see what is out there. Its so disappointing because we moved from Fort Collins to Greeley under the impression I'd have two years at this job, and it doesn't look like its going to work out that way. I have learned so much and grown leaps and bounds in terms of my ability to be an effective teacher, but that doesn't change the fact that I am now jobless. I have several impressive letters of recommendation from my principal, peer-teachers, and a teacher who was a mentor to me. So, hopefully something will come along soon. In addition-our daycare lady changed her mind about keeping Eli's spot for the summer. She's not going to keep it unless we pay her $100/week. Not happening. I don't care what other day care policies are-she initially told us she'd keep his spot and now she's not and that sucks. So we have no daycare and no job for me.

In Geoff news-he has a meeting with his adviser this week to see when he can graduate. He has between 6-18 credits left, depending on what credits they are going to take. He is definitely ready to be done with school and we are all ready to move on from the life of a part-time student. Its so hard to have to juggle work and school and family life. Geoff is also trying very hard to keep all his doors open, he recently applied for a promotion at work and is trying to maintain contact with the Sheriff's office where he is a reserve deputy. He and I have talked extensively and would like to add a child to our family at some point in the (near?) future so it is good to keep options open.

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers over the next few months that we have wisdom and direction. I am feeling so frustrated right now because I was thinking we were all set with a job for me and school for Geoff and daycare and now all of that is crumbling around us. I keep coming back to this: "if you want God to laugh, just tell him your plans" or "God never closes one door without opening another". I know great things are in the works for our family.

Mama Guilt

I am not sure where to begin this blog post. I have started it in my head dozens of times.

In short, Geoff and I are debating having another baby. The pros are (in no order):
1) babies are cute
2) Eli needs a sibling
3) we don't feel like our family is complete
4) if we are going to have another, we'd like to have the baby sooner than later, I don't want them 4+ years apart if we can help it
5) we have all the baby stuff already (diapers, car seats, etc)

Cons:
1) I can't afford to quit my job
2) I don't want to put my newborn baby in daycare
3) We CAN'T afford to put two in daycare
4) Babies are expensive
5) I worry about pumping at work

and lastly (and hence the title of this blog post) 6) I don't think I WANT to quit my job.
I was fortunate enough to grow up with my mom at home. She got us ready for school, made our lunches, took us to school, kept the house in order, grocery shopped, etc. etc. etc....she was always available to come into school for special events and volunteer in our classes. She never missed picking us up at carpool time, and was able to take good care of us if we were ever home sick. I don't know that I want my kids to miss out on that. I want to always be there for them, I want them to know they can always call me and I can be in their classes and be a part of their lives in every facet. I don't want anyone to ever say my daycare is "raising" my baby for me. I can't do that.

On the other hand, I worked extremely hard, against difficult odds, to become a teacher. I have earned my master's degree, I finally landed my first job, and I am enjoying teaching so much. Granted, teaching is a whole other world of frustration and difficulty, but I really like it. I feel like a crappy parent though. I often don't see Eli before I go to work because he's asleep. I make sure to pick him up by 5 pm at the latest every day, then I go home, make dinner, he plays and eats and gets a bath and is in bed by 8. I only really "parent" 3 hours a day + weekends. What kind of mama am I? Take today for instance, I was home with him because our daycare lady was out of town. I knew I would have the day off ahead of time and was looking forward to it. Eli spent Saturday night and Sunday night with my parents so I was looking forward to spending today with him, just low key mama-Eli time. By 9am this morning I was going stir crazy. I just wanted to take a shower, get dressed and go do something. He was a mess, he was super whiny and VERY tired and cranky. I was ready to pull my hair out. Again, what kind of mama doesn't enjoy a random day off here and there? I feel like I hate being home because if I am here, I want to accomplish 10000000 things all at once, and of course, Eli wants my full and undivided attention. I can only read Brown Bear Brown Bear so many times. I am guessing if I was home all the time we would acclimate and I would find new activities and ways of doing things to maximize the time Eli and I would be spending together. All in all Eli and I had a great day, but days and days of sitting at home in my yoga pants doesn't appeal to me and I feel so guilty about it. I feel like I *should* want to stay home all the time with my kid (s).

Which brings me back to the baby thing. I want another one, soon. I would like to have the kids close together, I would like to be done with the baby stage. I KNOW I can't afford to stay home for a year, and I am not sure I'd want to. However, I can't imagine leaving my 6 week old baby at daycare. It would kill me. I am not sure I could even function to work, Eli didn't sleep through the night with any consistency until he was almost 2.... so I can't imagine doing what I do now with less sleep. Sigh, I don't know what to do.